


Across the Sea of Space, the Stars are Other Suns

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Space, Eruri Week, M/M, Space Husbands, Spaceships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-03-06 07:15:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 61,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3125696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Amirians, an alien race, and the humans have been at war for almost thirty years. As Brakomi, the Amirian's home planet plunges further into governmental decay and hardship, five star general Levi Ackerman casts aside his standing in the army, and escapes onto a nearby ship. Here, he learns that humans aren't always what they seem, and the past sometimes fails to remain in the past. </p>
<p>Eruri Week Day 7--Future</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Present

Brakomi had its first air raid in the year 4017 when Levi was only five years old. That’s when the war finally came to his planet. The city of Arka was all but wiped out, save for the schoolhouse Levi had been in at the time. At five years old, he had only a minimal understanding of death, and couldn’t comprehend what was going on when his uncle came to pick him up from school.It wasn’t a far away thing anymore. Air raids kept coming, and cities kept getting leveled. To the children, and anyone without family in the army, the war had been the thing of newspapers and fantasy, but nothing more. Most of the citizens had never seen humans outside of a few pictures, and didn’t understand why they were going to war with such a volatile species. They looked like Amirians, loosely, but their history was soaked in blood and conflict.

There was no point in taking Levi to school—the classes weren’t useful, and there was no point of keeping the cities children located in one place. If the humans were smart, they would aim for the schools and for the hospitals. The more people they could wipe out, the better.

Levi helped at home. Kenny’s wife had him clean the clothes and dishes, while his cousins filled out paperwork.

It wasn’t until he was almost eight years old that his cousins left. They were old enough to join the army, so they were recruited and sent to the capital for training. Left to avenge their families and to stop all of this shit from tearing apart their planet. It wasn’t like war between regions—either the entire species survived, or it didn’t. 

Kenny would bring him to rallies, to listen to soldiers speak that had been temporarily deployed in Brakomi. They were exhausted, bitter, strong. Levi admired them, but he pictured his cousins, one girl, and one boy, joining the army. They were bright eyed and hopeful. It scared him, to picture them turning in to the soldiers that he saw.

But that was what war did.

It would be ten more years before he could join the army. Eighteen was the age that they allowed young people to enlist and begin to serve in the battle against Earth and the human race.

To Levi, it seemed far away. 

For that, he was glad. He didn’t want to fight, he didn’t want to kill. He didn’t want to be like the humans, who took away precious things from other living creatures. But as the years passed, he saw the exhaustion on his aunt’s face, and felt angry at himself. Had his mother not perished, they wouldn’t have had this extra burden. They wouldn’t have needed to feed or clothe him, or to make sure that he was growing up properly.

It was at fourteen that he reached his breaking point. Kenny brought him to another one of those goddamned rallies, and by now, their city was all but in shambles. It was a miracle that Kenny’s house hadn’t been blown to smithereens, and the soldiers didn’t at all seem surprised. The two of them went to military rallies together, and his uncle would introduce him to the generals that spoke there. To Levi, they were like superheroes. Whether they were ranked at one star or four, they all held his attention flawlessly. They talked about air raids, but he didn’t understand.

After the rally, Kenny sat him down and explained the standing of the human army, and how they had been trying to level out Brakomi for years. The war was getting nowhere, and troops seemed to be dying for nothing. The drafts were barely bringing in new soldiers for Brakomi, and if the humans were to win, it would mean Brakomi plummeting back into old days where slavery and crime were commonplace.

For the first time, Kenny spoke and Levi understood. To fight would be to bring peace back to Brakomi, to save the population that was left, and to right every wrong that had ever done to them.  
For a moment, it made sense.  
After all, if he didn’t join the army now, he was going to get drafted later.

~~

Years later, Levi sat at a desk on his warship. This was war. Planning, waiting, occasionally fighting, and dying. He drew more lines. He knew they meant something. His hands worked, but his mind did not. He wanted to be done with this. At first, it was exhilarating, to kill humans and to watch their blood pool all over the ground.

But the enjoyment didn’t come without sacrifice—he lost his own men, friends, family members. it was still war. He was not a serial killer—here, there were consequences. He was forced to kill, to enjoy the bloodshed and the suffering.

Levi was aware of his situation when he left his home planet. Brakomi was turning into a shit show at best, and generals were being executed left and right for the war crimes they had been forced to commit. He was one of five generals left, and he that eventually, he would have the same fate.

Year 4035, and the war was still raging on. 

He put down his pen, and opened up the letter that had been placed on his desk. Already, he knew what it was. Hanji had received one three months earlier, and before that, Isabel and Farlan had gotten the same ones. 

Now, it seemed, the government was setting its eyes on him. It made sense. After all, generals were getting wiped out left and right, and the monarchy was starting to look bad. They needed someone else to pin it on besides the king, and the army seemed like the best option.

What did it matter, since the soldiers were going to hell anyway.

But Levi was better than that. He wasn’t about to let himself become yet another martyr for a corrupt state, nor was he about to stick around with all of the assassination attempts that were beginning to peek up behind his back. The last thing he needed was to have his throat slit in the middle of the night, or to be shot dead during one of their meetings.

Without reading the letter, Levi pushed it into the trash, and grabbed his gun. If he was going to get out, now was the time. He wasn’t about to eat shit like the other generals. Sure, this war was going to kill him, but this wasn’t the way he was going to go.

He brushed past the lower level soldiers easily, and slipped into the docking area. An escape pod was ready, and he walked into it casually, like he was authorized to do so. Really, he was. Hell, he had been in charge of this ship for years. Only his advisors would give him shit for it, and they were nowhere to be seen.

Just like that, he hit the eject button, and was launched out of the ship. Brakomi’s atmosphere had never been hard to leave. Especially now, security was more focused on things getting in than out. As always, it was easier to get out than in.

The first ship he saw seemed appropriate—sort of run down, moving slowly enough that it didn’t appear to be a threat. Yes, that would have to do. He maneuvered the ship towards the landing dock, and ejected himself close enough that he could grab onto the ship and slip inside, letting the escape pod jettison back, out into space.

The amount of times he had done shit like this was actually disgusting.

Then, he realized something. Sure, he had landed on the ship, but this wasn’t like a war where he just had to shoot his way through. He had gotten off of Brakomi, but now what? The docking area was empty, save for a few soldiers, but they didn’t seem to pay him any mind. They had the same structure as he—light, sickly blue skin, gray eyes, pointed ears, and shark like teeth. 

Still, something didn’t feel right. 

That’s when he heard the English. One of his ears twitched, and he snapped his head to the side as soon as he entered one of the ship’s corridors. That wasn’t good—it wasn’t an Amirian trying to speak. That was, without a doubt, fluent English. He, knowing that there were others of his own species on the ship, should have walked away like nothing out of the ordinary. 

The last thing he should have done as soon as he saw two humans was run. Of course, they would chase after him, and of course, they would call reinforcements. It was only a matter of time before he was tackled to the ground and forced to surrender.

The original two soldiers led him through the corridors of the ship, leading him deeper and deeper inside, ensuring that there was no way he would get out. Levi watched them, pulling every once in a while at the handcuffs. Of course, he could get out of them. They were makeshift, pulled together at the sudden threat that had appeared on the ship. They couldn’t shoot him—he had already surrendered.

Not that that meant much in this war anymore. Treaties were useless, and alliances were meant to be broken. He could not blame them for cuffing him, but he did think that they could have done it a little bit better.

They pushed him around like a common prisoner. There was no way that they could have known what kind of a threat he was, what he had done,or where he had been. 

Perhaps, Levi thought, it was best to keep it that way. So he kept his mouth shut and let them do what they wanted. If he was going to mouth off to someone, he was going to wait until he got to some sort general. They would be less likely—hopefully—to end his life without letting him speak.

Damn, he should have been more careful.

Of all the ships to dump himself off on, this was hardly what he would consider to be the best option. He was hoping for a merchant ship, or maybe a group of refugees. The last thing he needed was a ship that contained both human _and_ Amirian soldiers. 

One of the men struck him in the middle of the back, and he winced, but nothing more. It wasn’t that bad. He had done much worse to the humans his army had taken captive. In fact, there were some days that he _loved_ it. There was something about watching something so vile squirm beneath him and beg for forgiveness and mercy, even though he had just killed some of the most important Amirian soldiers Levi had.

He scowled. That’s what worried him. If _he_ enjoyed it, there was no doubt that humans felt the same. “Oi, what’s with that look, you bastard.” When Levi didn’t respond, the other one laughed loudly, and pushed him forward much rougher than necessary. “Oh, right, you probably don’t know what I’m saying, you stupid _shit_.”

Levi felt a hand in his hair, followed by the pressure of being pulled backwards. He tried to shoot his arms up to defend himself, but a hit never came. Instead, he saw the human close his mouth, then felt him spit right into his face.

Absolutely no fucking way was he going to let that fly. 

It took only a few tugs for him to get his hands free, and it was even quicker than that, that Levi was able to knock both soldiers to his feet. He had been in far worse situations than this, to the point that this was almost _too_ easy to get out of.

He took one last look at the soldiers on the ground, one of whom appeared to be unconscious, and the other with no intention of getting up, and he bolted. He was lost, on a ship this huge, but it was worth a shot. If he could find another ship, an escape pod, _anything,_ he could hot wire it and get the hell out of there. 

Before he even turned the corner, another human stepped out, but he seemed to be more confused than anything. Neither of them had the chance to move out of the way, and Levi ended up barreling into him, sending the man stumbling backwards. A hand latched around his torso, and another around the back of his neck, clamping down _hard_.

That wasn’t good.

“Ah,” he grunted, cerulean blue eyes wide, but unconcerned. “You must be the one they were talking about.”

For a human, he was fucking _massive._ He had to be at least a foot taller than Levi, with at least fifty pound more muscle. Even with his own increased density, he didn’t stand a chance. To make matters worse, the human was calm and collected—there would be no irrational decisions on his part.

In short, he wasn’t going to be able to escape.

“Why don’t you come to my office?”

“What am I, a school boy?” Levi spat, glowering at the human’s stupid smirk and his god fucking awful blond hair. 

The man blinked once, then twice. Without warning, the grip around him tightened considerably, and Levi couldn’t help but gasp out at the fingers pressing against his ribcage. “Why don’t you come to my office?” he repeated, this time with more warning lingering in his voice.

Levi scowled, and he wanted nothing more than to lunge forward and tear Erwin’s throat out with his bare teeth. But instead, he sighed, and stared hard at the ground. “Alright.”

~~

Levi watched him. He paced around his office, but with no intention in mind. Unlike most humans, he was solemn. It didn’t, though, appear to be from the trials of war. He watched the Amirian, analyzing his every motion. “You’re a general.”

Levi blinked. “Am I?” He was being an ass, and he knew it. He didn’t want to cooperate, and he didn’t want to fucking be here. Gladly, he would just go on his way and find another ship to hop onto. 

“You have the war tattoos.” Ah. He must have seen them peeking out of his shirt. He only had a black, v neck shirt with him, and it didn’t exactly do its job of hiding the tattoos that spiraled up from his shoulders and onto his neck. 

“Yes, then, I suppose I am,” he admitted, keeping his lips in a taut line when he wasn’t speaking. 

The human sighed. He looked more tired than anything. “You were planning some sort of invasion, correct?”

At this, Levi snorted. “Hardly. I just jumped on the nearest ship.” He wished he could have made it sound more dignified, but there was nothing even remotely admirable about his situation. “And I’m guessing from your inquiries that you, too, are a general.”

The blond smiled slightly, and nodded. “General Erwin Smith.”

Levi rose a brow. He had heard that name before. At last year’s battle, he had been involved. It was, then, probably best to say nothing. “Interesting.”

“Where’s the rest of your army?”

Again, he snorted. “Either dead, or on trial. I got the hell out of there before it was my turn.”

This seemed to catch Erwin by surprise. Why, though? He should have known the state of affairs that Brakomi was in. Uprising was becoming more and more common, and no one, save for the army’s leader, was safe. 

“Huh. You were court martialed, then.”

“Yeah, sure, I guess,” Levi muttered. It sounded dirty, to hear the words out loud. He had been a failure, even after everything he had done for his government. Hell, for his _planet_. “You should know, Brakomi is in poor condition right now.”

“That explains the stalemate,” Erwin said thoughtfully, but held a blank expression on his face. He was reading into Levi. He knew that sort of look better than anything else. 

“I can’t imagine, though, that the humans are doing any better.”

“Well, our generals aren’t being executed.”

“Touche,” Levi murmured, and eventually sighed. Better just get to the point. “So, what are you going to do with me?”

“Well, what do you think I should do?”

“I’m the prisoner, how would I know?” Levi shot back. He didn’t like this man very much—he was strange. Unlike most humans, he was hard to read. He appeared friendly, which was strange, considering who he was speaking to. 

The sound of banging on Erwin’s door distracted him temporarily, and his eyes widened ever so slightly when it swung open and a disgruntled, all too familiar figure came rushing in. “Erwin! I heard the news, this is great! A general? Who did—Ah.”

Light blue skin, solid grey eyes, short, pointed ears, and an entire mouthful of sharklike teeth. Levi stared for a long time. Why the hell was there another Amirian general on the ship? 

Wait…

He examined the face, the messy brown hair that was tied in what could barely be classified as a ponytail. Glasses that barely could be used to see out of. “Hanji Zoe?”

“Oh, Levi! I hardly recognized you, with that shitty expression on your face!” Hanji spewed out, lunging forward in a failed attempt to hug Levi, who had just barely managed to get out of the way.

With Hanji’s bathing habits, there was no way he was going to get _anywhere_ near them.

“You should have been executed _years_ ago.”

They laughed a little too loudly, and adjusted their glasses, while Erwin stood to the side of the two of them, trying his best not to look bewildered by the sudden turn of events. “Well, you know how politics work—you can get just about anything if you have enough money. And hey, I guess I did!” they said with a wild laugh. 

“You two are familiar with each other?” Erwin said slowly. It shouldn’t have surprised him—they were both generals, and the Amirian war system let only a select few reach such a high rank.

Levi sighed. “We worked with each other for about five years. Hanji was arrested for rebellion against the royal government, and sentenced to death. An attempt at tainting the army that was, in the end, completely unsuccessful.”

“Enough about me, though,” Hanji said, waving their hand to dismiss the conversation. “What the _hell_ are you doing here?”

“Court martialed for a plot against the king. They’ve been picking us off one by one.” Levi had managed to avoid the cut for years, but he couldn’t do it forever. He cracked his neck, and continued. “I got the hell out of there before they could get me.”

Hanji thought for a moment, and shifted their weight from one foot to the other. Back and forth, back and forth, until Levi wanted to fucking punch them in the jaw. Annoying as shit, just like always. But there was something comforting about it. About Hanji being able to survive, and to align herself with…humans, or whatever the hell this group was. 

“I guess, technically, we should arrest and interrogate you.”

“With you here, I’m not about to surrender myself. The last thing I need is for you to get inside my head,” Levi spat. There were days that he, truly, thought that he was a monster when it came to interrogations. But then, there was Hanji, who, despite their upbeat and careless attitude, had driven men to the point of insanity and suicide due to their interrogation methods.

Hanji tapped their finger against their chin, and smirked. “You could always work with me again, if you still have your thirst for blood.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “You’re shitting me.”

Erwin, on the other hand, seemed intrigued by the idea. “Is he trustworthy? He is more your acquaintance than mine.”

“Doesn’t matter. I have something he wants.”

Levi’s head snapped up stupidly, and he tried to mask the shock. “What the _hell_ are you talking about, shit glasses?”

“Well, we have a couple of other generals here.”

“How? It’s you, me, and the four left on Brakomi.”

Hanji shrugged. “I don’t think so. I’ve been working closely with a few younger, three star generals.”

“You don’t mean to tell me…” Levi murmured. He didn’t want to say it. Honestly, the idea seemed ridiculous. But he was intrigued, and that was bad. Hanji always knew how to get his attention.

“I broke Isabel and Farlan out of prison, and dragged them along with me,” Hanji explained, avoiding eye contact with their fellow Amirian general. “But, if you’re not interested, I’ll give you a choice between interrogation and execution.”

Isabel and Farlan. They had been arrested along with Hanji, and supposedly, were brutally tortured and executed. “That’s impossible, the pictures of their bodies were all over the city.”

“It’s funny what a little body modification can do, Levi. You should know the tricks by now.” His mouth moved, but words refused to come out. “So, what’s it going to be?”

Levi scoffed, and held a hand out to Hanji. “Is that even a question?”

“Good, then your conditions.”

“ _What_?”

“How about I have you work with Erwin? He’s the highest ranking besides myself, and I think you could learn human strategy from him.”

“ _Excuse me? I don’t need a fucking mentor,”_ Levi hissed, switching languages so that Erwin couldn’t pick up on their conversation.

“ _Well, I can’t let you work by yourself, the other troops will never trust you,_ ” Hanji pointed out. And they weren’t wrong. Especially if humans were involved, there was no way that they would trust Levi, especially given his track record. In fact, it was a miracle that Erwin hadn’t said anything. 

“ _Does he know who I am?”_

_“No, and I highly suggest you keep it that way.”_

_“Oh?”_

_“You almost decimated his army, Levi.”_

Levi cleared his throat. “ _Regardless, why can’t I work with you?”_

_“Two Amirian generals working together? Never.”_

_“What about Isabel and Farlan?”_

_“They’re too low rank, no one cares about what they’re doing, since they don’t call the shots.”_

_“But him, of all people? Can’t I work with someone else?”_ Levi hissed, balling his hands up into fists. Fuck that, he couldn’t read Erwin, and that sucked. How the hell was he supposed to work with someone like that?

_“It won’t be so bad, he’s very efficient.”_

Levi rolled his eyes. “ _Who gives a fuck?”_

Hanji laughed loudly, and moved forward to give Levi a pat on the shoulder. “ _It’ll be fine! Besides, I know you prefer to work with attractive men.”_

_“At least_ try _to be professional. I have no interest.”_

Hanji snorted, and switched back to English. “Erwin, would you mind working with Levi for a while? Just to show him the ropes, and to make sure that there isn’t an issue with the other troops.”

Erwin nodded. “If you think it will help, then of course,” he said with that same stupid, motherfucking smile.  

Levi wanted to scream. He didn’t even _hate_ Erwin, but the man was difficult, and he didn’t like that. He wasn’t see through, like the other generals. He seemed to see everything, but almost nothing at the same time. 

It was one hell of a cover, if Levi had ever seen one. 

~~

Levi sat in the office, and watched Erwin work. For a human, he pushed his boundaries far further than Levi had ever seen. He wanted to call it admirable, but in this war, it seemed stupid. Both sides were at a stalemate. It made sense, that he looked at every angle, but with the Amirian position in the war now, there was no way that there would be an attack any time soon.

The alien cracked his shoulders. Or, maybe that’s what he had conditioned himself to think. Erwin analyzed _everything_. He always tried to be at least two steps ahead. In the mess hall, Erwin would play chess—he always won. He had an almost inhuman ability to see through people, to predict their movements off of nothing.

“Why do you use paper?”

“It’s harder to track.”

“Is it necessary, for me to be glued to your hip?” He hated how his English sounded. He could see Erwin straining to understand him through a thick, absolutely bizarre accent. There was nothing human he could relate the sounds to. The phonetics of his language were so disgustingly different than Erwin’s English that he was surprised that he could even decipher the words.

“To me, you’re not a threat, but you should know how the other soldiers must feel. I am sure that the humans feel towards you as many of our Amirian soldiers do towards me,” Erwin explained, making a few more marks on the map.

“It sounds difficult, to have such a mixed army.” He had heardbriefly of rebel armies, but that was years ago. Up until now, he was almost positive that anything he had heard of was wiped out.

Erwin shrugged. “As long as we all have the same goal in the end, it is fine. We have to put race and species aside in order to finish this.”

Levi nodded. “For some, that’s not easy.”

“In our case, it isn’t our species that becomes an issue, but our status. Everyone on this ship has heard of you. I’ve killed friends of some of the Amirian soldiers, and you have done the same to many of the human soldiers.”

“We were damned when we accepted our position,” Levi murmured. “I’ll accept whatever they feel. It makes no difference to me.” They could hate him, or they could follow him. As long as they didn’t turn their backs on him while they were on the field, what did it matter?

“From one side, they understand. My soldiers understand that I have had to make sacrifices, but when they look at an Amirian general, they see a monster.” 

“It’s things like that that make it easier to kill.” All of them had been trained to think the same way, to make the opposite side seem like objects.

Erwin said nothing for a long time. He took notes, copying what he had done on his map, naming places with letters that Levi could barely read. “Is that English, or a code?” Levi inquired, squinting at the letters.

The human glanced up from the paper. “Both.”

“Ah. Smart.”

“Can you read English?”

“Of course I can. And you can read Amirian?”

“Partially. We have spies, mostly.”

Levi rose a brow. “Do you always trust them?”

Erwin frowned. “Sometimes, we don’t have much of a choice.”

The Amirian pursed his lips. “That’s stupid, of course you have a choice.”

“We haven’t had an issue yet.”

“Yet.” Levi took a deep breath. “Not that I care what you do, but if I’m expected to work with you, you should expect that I’ll voice my opinion of your procedures.”

Erwin nodded. “If it comforts you at all, Hanji doesn’t pick just anyone to hold the position.”

Levi crossed his legs, and looked at the finalized papers.

 “Hanji does your coding?” That was interesting—they had never been interested in that on Brakomi. Isabel had done most of the work.

“Yes, they’ve been extremely efficient.” 

“What sort of an army is this?”

Erwin shrugged. “I can’t say I know myself.”

“Is this not an official army?”

Erwin laughed, voice airy and loud. “Of course not. We’re part of an Amirian rebel group that is largely funded by General Dot Pixis and Human Commander Zacklay.”

“Ah. So you’re not stand alone rebels, then.”

“Not exactly,” Erwin admitted with a sheepish smile. “What sort of general were you on the Amirian side?”

“Five Star.”

Erwin visibly tensed up at the reply. “Ah. You look a bit young to have achieved such a high rank.”  
As if it was the first time Levi had heard that one. He rolled his eyes, and lifted up his too long hair to reveal his undercut, motioning for Erwin to look. Five, simple black stars decorated the back of his skull, starting at the top of his undercut and ending at the nape of his neck. Pulling the elastic off his wrist, he tied his hair back so that the human could continue to ogle at his markings. “I’m twenty three, you know.”

“But to achieve that much in five years—“

“I joined the army at fourteen.”

Erwin’s eyes widened with what Levi assumed was shock. “I thought that was illegal on Brakomi.”

“When you run out of troops, does it matter who joins? After my first two years, I became a general, and I achieved the five star status at twenty.” Levi inquired, running his fingers over the tattoos. It had been so long since he had gotten them. “What rank are you?”

“The same.”

“I suppose you didn’t join as early, then.”

Erwin shook his head. “I joined a eighteen, right after high school. I’m thirty four now, and I achieved my rank seven years ago.”

“Not bad,” Levi commented, cracking his shoulders as he spoke. “How many of you are left on the human side?”

“A fair amount. And Brakomi?”

Levi laughed, but it came out bitter and contorted. “Maybe four. Most of our generals remain at the three or four star rank.”

“Ah.”

“And the man from last year’s battle? Was he also a Five Star?” Levi knew exactly what he was talking about—the battle that had almost taken humanity down and changed the entire course of the war. The battle that had wiped out almost one hundred thousand people in mere minutes. Levi wasn’t going to get into that with this man. He had his own ass to save.

“That’s classified information, Smith.”

~~

That night, Levi dreamt of the battle. He hated falling asleep, and he hated the resurfacing of his memories. It was troublesome, for him to be held down with guilt and anger at what had happened. He wasn’t sorry that he had participated in the battle, but he was disappointed in the outcome. Had he known that he was going to be thrown in jail, he wouldn’t have participated.

To see Erwin’s face when talking about it was painful—the man’s exhaustion came from obsession. He hadn’t stopped thinking about it since it had happened, rightfully so. Had Levi been in the same position, he would have been absolutely livid. He would have let the war and his efforts completely consume him. 

Still, there was so much of that battle that he had enjoyed. The face of the human that had dared to wipe out his best soldiers. The desperation on his face when Levi cut him open and tore him to pieces on the battlefield. 

And that hadn’t even been the best part. His screams, and the look of the general from across the battlefield. His distraught, twisted face, and sweat stained uniform. He could have heard him scream, had the sound of gunfire not been so loud.

They had taken out three of their ships, and nearly three hundred thousand humans by the time the battle had ended. Humanity had made the mistake of discounting him as nothing more than a soldier. They had no idea what he was capable, and he had made his point to prove that.

Any more, and it would have been over. Had it ended in a complete Amirian victory, who knows where they would have been now. Would his planet have been any better? Probably not. In fact, he probably would have been executed sooner.

He woke up with cold sweat dripping down his face and chest, and he shot up from the floor. Where was he? He snapped his head in one direction, and then the other, trying to place himself.

He was still in Erwin’s office, in the same spot he had been when Erwin was working earlier that afternoon. When had he drifted off? Erwin was still working, reading through old plans while he tried to figure out this new one.

“What time is it?”

“You’ve been asleep for two hours.”

“That’s not bad.”

“Will you move to our quarters? Hanji set up an area for you to sleep in.”

“No, I’ll be fine for the night. I’ve slept enough.” Levi shuddered. He remembered the feeling of his hands grabbing that human’s intestines and ripping them out of his body. It had felt… _good_. At that point, he would have done it again, and again, and again. He had been in a craze, during that battle. 

Levi wanted to see the blood, the screaming, the crying. It made him, for a moment, feel alive.

But now, he looked at the man that had led those humans, and he felt sick.

~~

Levi could have died when he had to stand in front of the troops, listening to Hanji drone on and on about his addition to the resistance, and how this was a tremendous step towards ending the war. They all knew who he was. Or at least the Amirians did. He could tell by the mix of curious and disgusted looks that his reputation had travelled much faster than he had. The humans, on the other hand, looked pissed more than anything else. Another general that they had never heard of, and the reminder of thousands of human losses due to the war.

These beings were working together out of a common goal, not out of respect for one another. Humans were still humans, and Amirians still Amirians. The barriers were set high, with very little intermingling as far as he could tell.

Levi stood tall, as he always did in these sort of situations, and saluted the men with as much pride as he could pull together. 

Erwin stood next to him, watching to make sure that all went well. Surely if his presence were not there, this meeting would not have gone so smoothly. 

It was made very clear that Levi would be working with Erwin, not Hanji. Arrangements had been made to make sure that he was under twenty four hour watch until his allegiance was proven, and past that, still, he would need human aide in all of his plans.

Fat load of good that was going to do anyone. 

But Levi understood what sort of stupid precautions needed to be taken—Hell, he had had to do it with his own troops. Soldiers were fickle, with limited understanding of the entire situation. Things were one sided, almost always, on the lower levels. It was sad, with two advanced races, to have to acknowledge that. A few of them understood, no doubt, but it was the majority that fought for the sake of fighting. 

Levi saluted one more time, with the other generals following soon after, and Erwin escorted him back to the office. 

“That went well,” Erwin said, smiling at Levi, who returned the action with an unsightly scowl.

“Shut the hell up, that was a load of bullshit that Hanji had to pull out of their ass.”

“Perhaps, but it was effective.”

“I thought I’d be done with this sort of shit, but I landed right back in it.”

“Execution and interrogation is always an option.”

“With Isabel and Farlan on this ship? I don’t think so.”

Erwin rose a brow. “Why are they so important to you?”

“I’ve been their mentor since they joined the Amirian army. And since they’re here, I might as well see them a few more times before I get myself killed.”

“Interesting.”

“Would you not do the same?”

Erwin pulled his plans together that he had left sprawled across the floor. “I’m not criticizing your decision.”

Levi still couldn’t read him. There was nothing to give away how he intended his words to sound, of what he even thought. “You’re a fucking wall,” Levi finally said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Hm?”

“I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”

“Right now?”

“Ever.”

Erwin stuffed the papers under his arm, and used his free hand to brush the dust off of his pants. “Look harder.”

Levi rolled his eyes, and swung the door open. It looked like Erwin was going to stop him to leave, but he held up his hand. “I’m going to get something to eat.”

“You can’t go by yourself.”

“Then get off of your ass and follow me.”

Thankfully, Erwin didn’t, and let Levi wander around until he found out where to get something to eat.

~~

Levi clutched his rations, and sat in the corner of the mess hall. Even as a general, he had never gotten into the habit of eating away from the other troops. He enjoyed observing the other soldiers, despite hating their company. The food wasn’t great, but it was enough to sustain him. 

There was no point in getting comfortable—more likely to die on the field.

“Oi, Levi, is that you?”

His eyes glanced up, hands tightening even more around his food. “Shit, Farlan?” Levi shot up from where he was sitting, and gave the other Amirian a firm smack on the shoulder, which was followed by another form all but barreling into him, arms locking around his torso and sending him to the ground.

“Isabel? You’re really…alive.” The words hung on Levi’s lips, still hesitant, not wanting to say them until he knew it was true. But they were there, touching him and speaking to him. Hanji hadn’t lied—they really did get Isabel and Farlan out with them.

Usually, Levi didn’t want anyone near him, or touching him for that matter, but this was one hell of an exception. 

“Didn’t Hanji tell you? We got the hell out of there as fast as possible. They didn’t even have a chance, considering how slow they all move in the prisons,” Isabel said, grinning ear to ear as she spoke to her friend. 

“Hanji talked about you when they addressed the troops, we’ve been dying to see you,” Farlan rambled. “It’s good that you’re here, we can make some progress, and maybe in a few years we can actually go home.”

Their reunion was cut short by Erwin all but running into the mess hall and thrusting documents into his hands, as well as a quick greeting to Isabel and Farlan. 

“Hanji needs you to look over these as soon as possible.”

“Are we planning another move?” Farlan inquired, trying to look over Levi’s shoulder at the paper. “It’s about time, everyone’s getting restless.” 

“We’ll talk later, then,” Isabel said, and gave Levi a nod before dismissing herself, dragging Farlan behind. 

When they were back in the office, Levi read the files in depth.

“Do you really think that will work?” Levi inquired, reading over the plan, and running his fingers over the maps. “You didn’t account for the ships around the northern Amirian port.”

“Hm?” Erwin leaned over his shoulder, body far too close for Levi’s comfort. He nudged himself forward ever so slightly, and pointed towards the top of the map. He hated how close humans got to each other, how he could smell Erwin’s cologne and the smell of coffee on his breath.“The northern port implemented a security system that extends to the outer atmosphere of the planet. Even if you try to go around Brakomi, if there’s word that there are humans on this ship, it’s going to get decimated.”

“How about the south, then?”

“The southern port’s security is still in place, but the cities surrounding it have been leveled. So, if you don’t mind engaging in combat, you could probably take out the security system and get by. The only issue is that it will, most likely, alert the rest of the planet.” Levi licked his lips, and then bit down on the skin. “What’s your plan in the long run?”

“I’d like to take out the four security systems. The best shot at ending this war is to go straight to the Amirian capital, and this is the easiest way, given our circumstances, to do it.”

Levi nodded once. “Why don’t you send in a smaller group and invade the capital that way?”

“It’s not safe enough. There’s no point in throwing away troops without at least a decent chance of success,” Erwin pointed out. “Besides, most Amirians here have a bounty on their head.”

That made sense—it was impossible for them to step foot on the planet, then. And a human didn’t stand a chance. If they were going to get to the capital at the end of all this, they were going to have to do it as an invasion, not an assassination. “If you start with the south security system, then move to either the north or the east, it will be more effective. If you start with the north, and fail, then the other security points will strengthen, making it harder for you to make a move in the future.” 

Erwin tapped his fingers on his leg, and ran his finger over the map, circling the planet and mumbling something to himself that Levi couldn’t quite translate fast enough. “If we attack the south, what’s the best way to go about it?”

“If you start with the larger ship first, it will send out signals to the smaller one. However, it’s unlikely that they would fire at their own ship. So, if you can successfully get onto the ship, then you can go from there. Unfortunately, you can’t attack without actually getting onto the ship, because of the security systems they’ve implemented.

Erwin nodded, and cleared his throat. “Very well, I’ll change things around, and we should be ready to go in a few days.”

Levi thought he was going to be getting out of this shit, when he left Brakomi. He thought he could live a simple life, working for a merchant for meals and enough to clothe himself.

The last thing he wanted was to be back in the middle of this war. But it had gone on for almost twenty years, and there was no escaping it. Brakomi and Earth had too much influence, and the effects of the war spread out to every corner of the galaxy.

The morning of the fight, Levi put on his normal gear. To him, there was never any point in fighting in the standard general uniform. It made no more sense than strapping a target to his chest, and practically handing himself over to his enemies. 

That was probably, in the end, why Erwin didn’t immediately recognize him. Soldiers blended in together easily, especially in the hustle and bustle of warfare.

Erwin’s plan was, largely, a success. But like any success in this war, it didn’t come without sacrifice.

As soon as he had gotten into the battle, Levi hadn’t stopped firing, killing, or giving orders, and it still hadn’t been enough. He knew it wasn’t going to be, but it was always a constant reminder at the end that this war still wasn’t over, and he wasn’t going to be able to change that on his own. Rather than immediately detonating the security ships they had invaded, the troops took everything they could, retreated, and got the hell out of there before letting anything blow up.

Despite the success, the first battle was nothing short of a shit storm. Sure, Levi and Erwin had gotten back without a scratch, but that was normal amongst the generals. They could have headed out first, and still held themselves up in a fight long enough to get back in one piece.

It was a blessing, and a curse. As they lived, everyone around them died. 

This time, it was a few of the troops under Levi’s command. He didn’t know them well, but it was well enough that the loss stung. 

Even after hundreds of thousands of men, the feeling never went away.

He forgot most of their names and faces, but never that sickening feeling that he had let someone down. A family, a lover… _damn_ , it was almost harder than the fighting itself.

Erwin put his hand on Levi’s shoulder. The smaller man didn’t shake, nor did he falter in his composure. “I’ve found that sometimes, mourning helps.” Erwin’s speech was composed as always. 

Levi looked up, and swatted the human’s hand away. “I will mourn once the war is over.”

“How long have you been telling yourself that?”

He shrugged. “Perhaps, a bit too long.” His chest still ached, and he could feel blood dripping down his face from the recent wound. He needed to get it patched up quickly, so that the skin could regenerate. Otherwise, he was going to have another scar to add to his collection.

“It isn’t wrong to weep.”

“It’s a waste of time.” Levi sighed softly. “I’d rather be bitter.”

~~

“What are you doing? The battle only ended four hours ago,” Levi murmured, cracking his eyes open at the sound of rustling paper. Erwin was back on the ground, staring at that stupid fucking map. A new red “x” had been added, but nothing more. “Are you already planning the next move?”

“There’s no time to waste—the faster we act, the better.”

“What happened to resting and mourning.”

“The other troops have time for that, and I’m sure they’ll mourn more than long enough to accommodate my absence.”

“You’re a hypocrite.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“You’re going to work yourself to death.”

Erwin shrugged.  
Levi would have gotten pissed, if he hadn’t acted the same way during his time on Brakomi. Either way, he could tell that Erwin was dragging. His movements were slow, and he caught him staring at the map for long periods of time without any thought process behind it. 

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t.”

“Four hours.” Erwin shook his head, and wrote something down on a scrap of paper. “Can you even read that?” No response. Levi rolled his eyes. “At least lean against the wall so you don’t fall over.” 

That, thankfully, Erwin complied with. He moved himself so that he was sitting next to Levi, but continued to at least _try_ and work.

Levi didn’t understand his fascination with the human. Hell, he didn’t really understand anything at this point. He had heard that people became close during wartime. They depended on each other. Sometimes, they fought only for the lives of their comrades—the actual direction of the war no longer mattered.

But that was for Amirians. Did the same apply to humans? Levi frowned. Erwin sat on the ground, half propped up against the wall with his eyes shut. He hadn’t slept in what felt like days. The circles under his eyes were beginning to get dark, and his face looked hollow. Had he been eating?

He wouldn’t consider himself to be close to Erwin.

He tried so hard to be the perfect soldier, the perfect general. But if there were to be a battle now, he never would have been able to survive. He couldn’t move, and it was a miracle that he was able to still do any sort of planning at all.

Levi sighed. He thought that when _he_ worked, he barely slept. He stripped off his jacket, and pulled Erwin down so that his head rested on the Amirian’s lap. It was odd, to be touching him like this so casually. With careful motions, he draped the jacket over the human, and wrapped an arm around him. 

It was comforting, to be able to at least try to help Erwin. The human squirmed slightly, but when Levi refused to move his arms, he adjusted himself and his breathing eventually evened out.

Maybe, it would make up for some of the wrongs he had done in the past.

When Erwin was asleep, he rested gently, without stirring. His mouth parted ever so slightly, and Levi was afraid that he might drool on him. But he had already put the human’s head on his lap, and there was no point in waking him up to move him now. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept peacefully. Some level of shell shock had already begun to eat away at him. It had been years since he had been able to think straight, sleep right, or even communicate properly. In Erwin’s eyes, he could see the same thing beginning to happen. Humans were too readable. It was terrifying, to see how much of what they felt, and what they thought.

Erwin, despite his difficult pattern of speaking, was still expressive. That’s what Levi really fucking hated. He could twist his emotions, and confuse the Amirian general. He could sound one way, but mean something entirely different. 

That was something Levi was sure he wasn’t going to get used to.

His fingers twitched, yearning to grab Erwin by the throat. For a moment, he thought of killing him. He could do it. Right here, right now. But what would Hanji do? What would the humans do? Levi used a finger to trace over Erwin’s jugular. It would take under five seconds, to kill Erwin. He could snap his neck, slice his jugular, crush his esophagus. There were so many possibilities that it only encouraged him.

But Erwin must have, to a certain degree, trusted him. That, or exhaustion had utterly consumed him, and he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer.

Most likely, it was the latter. 

Levi put his hand back down, and let himself absentmindedly play with Erwin’s hair.

~~

Isabel slumped down next to Levi. “ _How come you’re always so busy, big bro? I don’t remember you having this much work back home.”_

Levi shrugged. “ _I never did the paperwork back then. Erwin insists.”_

“ _Boring,”_ she said with a wave of her hand. “ _No wonder he’s such a hard ass.”_

_“It must be awkward working with him.”_

_“Hm?”_ Levi rose a brow at Farlan’s statement, and turned towards him. “ _What do you mean_?” 

“ _You wiped out most of the human army he had control over. I would be uncomfortable if I were in your shoes.”_

Ah. Levi adverted his gaze from Farlan’s and pursed his lips. _“The circumstances are unfortunate.”_

_“The other troops know. Or, most of them do.”_

_“The humans?”_

Farlan shrugged. “ _I can’t imagine that they do. They would have thrown a fit by now._ ”

“ _I just hopes no one tips him off,”_ Levi said absentmindedly. 

Isabel laughed. “ _I’d worry more about the other troops than Erwin.”_

_“Hm?”_

_“He calls the shots around here. I’d make sure you’re on good terms with him, y’know?”_

Levi didn’t want to hear that shit. _“I’m working with him, not for him.”_

~~

“Excuse me? What makes you think I give a shit?” Levi snapped, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. Like hell he was going to let Erwin shove that bullshit down his throat.

Erwin sighed, and leaned against his desk. “I’m only telling you this because Hanji wanted me to mention it—our human troops just aren’t comfortable around you.”  
“So? That’s not my fucking problem. It’s not like I tried to sabotage your plans. Hell, I fucking _helped_ you!” 

“Still, it’s just…”

“My skin? My eyes? My face? What the fuck do you want me to do about that, Erwin? Huh?”

Erwin cracked his knuckles before stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I’m not saying that they’re justified, but—“

“What, Smith?” Levi snarled, baring his teeth at the human. “Do you think any of our people like looking at your pink ass faces?”

“I think you should try to act a bit…softer, towards the troops.”  
“So, I should just keep my mouth shut, then?”

“If that’s what it takes, then perhaps it’s worth a shot.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Are they upset about the casualties? Because they should know—“

“But they don’t. They don’t know.”

“Once again, that’s not my fucking problem.” Levi scowled, and narrowed his eyes. “I understand that to some of them, my species will be a deterrent. However, since I have been here, I haven’t gotten in the way once, and I’ve busted my ass to make sure that your stupid ass plans go the way they’re supposed to.”

“And I’m thankful for that, Levi, really, but it’s just that you’re a little…harsh. That’s all.”

“And Hanji isn’t?”

“Hanji’s bizarre. That’s different.”

“Fuck that,” Levi snarled, and turned away from Erwin. 

The human, on the other hand, replayed his conversation with Hanji over his head. He hadn’t thought that they would nail Levi’s personality on the head, but they sure as hell did.  
“How is he?” Hanji inquired, taking their glasses off to read the report on the desk. “It seems that Levi fought effectively. Can you confirm that?”

Erwin nodded, leaning back slightly in his chair. “Of course. I’ve never seen anybody so efficient.”

“That’s what he’s known for. One of the best I’ve ever worked with.” Hanji paused for a moment, and leaned forward. “Outside of the battle, though, how is he?” 

Erwin knew what that meant: the conversation was off the record. A dialogue that had nothing to do with war, or planning. “What do you mean?”

“I want to make sure he’s working well with you,” Hanji murmured. “Sometimes, he has…problems getting along with other soldiers.”

Erwin rose a brow. He could see that, given Levi’s sour personality, and how vehemently he had initially protested working with the blond. “No, I haven’t had any problems. Honestly, he’s been a tremendous help.”

“That’s good. I’m glad,” Hanji replied, but stared at the human for so long that he began to feel somewhat uncomfortable. “Do you mind working with him?”

The question caught Erwin off guard. “No, not at all. Why would I?”

“I know that you have some…unresolved issues with our species, especially regarding those of high military status.”

“Ah, you’re talking about the battle.”

“Yes.”

“Levi is…different.”

“Really?” Hanji inquired with a sharp laugh. “I think he’s more bloodthirsty than most of us.”

“He’s never shown it.” Sure, Levi had one hell of a temper, but that was different than having similar traits to a psychopath.

“He hasn’t any reason to.” They tapped their fingers against the wooden surface of the desk. “Do you trust him?”

Erwin didn’t even have to think. “Yes.”

“That’s good. Make sure that he trusts you, too.”  
~~

Erwin didn’t understand how Levi functioned. He always looked miserable at best, but the way he addressed the troops was so _kind_ and respectable that it was actually fascinating to watch. Isabel and Farlan absolutely adored him, and even though he didn’t speak much, it was easy to tell that he felt the same.

After the battle, he had looked deathly pale, his light blue skin looking a disgusting grey. They had been successful in wiping out the southern security system, of course, but that’s not what really mattered to Levi. Twenty soldiers had died in the process, and while it was a relatively low number, it wasn’t good enough for him.

They could have done better. 

Erwin had always heard that it was the most ruthless soldiers that made it to the top. It was certainly the case with Hanji, and even with them, the troops seemed hesitant to approach the general. Levi, on the other hand…something about him drew the other soldiers to him.

Erwin, in that aspect, was no different. Something about Levi intrigued him. He watched the way he worked, fascinated, and almost bewildered by his talent.

Levi had the same look as he did when he worked—a combination of exhaustion and determination.

“You’re serious about helping our army,” Erwin commented, sitting next to Levi as he continued to work. 

Levi didn’t even bother looking up. “Of course I am. My friends are on this ship, and I have an obligation to the other soldiers.”

“That didn’t stop you from leaving Brakomi.”

“I’m safe here.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say safe.”

“I don’t have to go to sleep and worry about if I’ll be waking up the next morning. Is that better?” Levi murmured. “I don’t know how the hell you do this, I fucking hate paperwork.”

“It’s not too bad, it just takes some getting used to.”

“It’s been nine years, and I’m still not used to it.”

Levi’s features were sharp. A thin face with defined cheekbones, and piercing gray eyes. There was no iris or pupil, like human eyes, but they had an odd sense of depth that Erwin had never seen before. Despite their obvious physical differences, Levi was actually very handsome.

Something Erwin never thought he would admit in his life.  
Levi, handsome or not, was intense. Occasionally, though he would see his expression soften when he looked at Erwin, or when he spoke about Isabel, Farlan, or his other friends. 

It was then, sitting on the ground, that Erwin realized what was happening. He wanted to lean over and kiss Levi, hold him, comfort him while he was working. 

He couldn’t even begin to understand the feelings or where they had come from, and blamed it on the effects of war and the desperation for some sort of conversation outside of his own mind. 

~~

Levi had gone into his quarters for his couple hours of sleep, forcing himself into a pair of pajamas. Damn, he had stayed up too late working on accommodations for their next move. His eyes stung, and he wanted to fucking pass out. 

It had been years since he had been this excited go to sleep. That being said, he should have known it wasn’t going to last. 

The explosion that rocked their ship could have been the effect of a dying star, or a nearby merchant ship. But Levi knew better than that. The unexpected force had thrown him out of bed, slamming his hands against the metal ground. 

Oh, fuck.

They hadn’t gotten far enough away from Brakomi, the shields hadn’t been put up soon enough. What else could it have been? Levi scrambled to his feet, threw his shoes on, and grabbed his gun. 

Before he even got out the door, he could hear screaming and panic, followed by the sound of footsteps storming through the halls. 

What he caught sight of in the corner of his eye made him freeze. That wasn’t a rebel uniform. Whoever the hell had just run by was wearing a standard, Amirian uniform.  
That was the last fucking thing he needed right now.

He followed the soldier, turning the corner seconds after him. He heard the click of a gun, and saw what he was about to fire at. Erwin Smith had just rushed out of his office, gun in hand. 

Levi reacted without thinking. One minute, he was watching the soldier lift his gun and point it in Erwin’s direction, and the next, the two of them were on the ground, Levi’s hands wrapped around his throat.

He drew his fist back, and slammed the soldier in the face, hitting his head against the ground hard enough to knock him unconscious.

He would have killed him, but they needed a hostage. At the very least, he was going to figure out why the hell this was happening, and who the hell wasbehind it. “Levi, I didn’t even see you there, I—“

“Obviously not. Watch your back next time, I need to find Hanji.” 

Erwin nodded once, and let Levi all but throw the hostage into his arms. 

Fucking hell, they didn’t need this right now. The ship jerked again, sending Levi to the ground, but this time it didn’t feel like it was from a strike to its exterior. Someone must have gotten to the control room and moved them farther from Brakomi, thank God.

Levi followed the sound of screaming until he found Hanji, in the middle of what could only be described as pure chaos. Soldiers were running this way and that, running down corridors with the occasional sound of gunfire.  
“ _An Amirian vessel slammed into the side of our ship.”_

_“Are the damages bad?”_

_“No, but we can’t find the pilot, and I don’t know if anyone else was on board.”_

_“I think I got him. He was near Erwin’s office.”_

Hanji visibly relaxed, but let the soldiers continue on their way. “ _They’ll make sure the area is safe.”_

Levi cleared his throat, and nodded. His palms still prickled with sweat, and it finally began to hit him how close Erwin had been to getting shot. 

He could have let him die, too, but he was still a general, and he acted without thinking. Erwin was, whether or not he wanted him to be, one of his comrades.

~~

If the success in their destruction of the southern security station hadn’t been enough to motivate Erwin to work, the sudden attack on their ship sure as hell did. He switched between nursing his head wound and marking out strategies for the next attack so obsessively that it was concerning even to Levi.

Dark bags marked underneath his eyes, and he looked just about ready to collapse. Levi, knowing that he had to intervene, stood up from his seat, and approached Erwin’s hunched over figure. “Hey, take a break.”

“I don’t have time.”

“Erwin, you’re going to fucking kill yourself.”

“I told you, I don’t have _time_!” The voice was harsh in a way Levi had never heard, and couldn’t imagine coming out of Erwin’s mouth. For a moment, he froze where he was, mouth half open and eyes wide. “This fucking war isn’t going to sort itself out, and like most of the soldiers here, I don’t have the _luxury_ to wander around and wait to fight!” Erwin’s breath came out in short, ragged intervals, and he honestly looked like he was about to pass out.

“I’m going to get you some food.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Levi sighed, and squeezed his eyes shut, to stabilize himself. He was fucking pissed, that Erwin wasn’t listening to him. “I’m sure you’ve eaten as much as you’ve slept. Am I wrong?”

Erwin said nothing, and tried to go back to his planning. He wanted to ignore Levi, to forget that he had saved the human’s life. More importantly, he wanted to forget that he had let his guard down.  
“I don’t think so. We’re going to get food,” Levi demanded, grabbing Erwin by the shoulders and forcing him to his feet. Sure, Erwin was bigger than him, but he was still strong. His eyes had trouble focusing on Levi’s face, and he moved slowly, but he didn’t protest. He let Levi throw his jacket on over his shoulders before opening the door and leading him out.

“Thanks,” Erwin murmured, as Levi pushed a tray of food into his hands. Shit, as always, but at least it was enough to keep them going. “You didn’t have to go out of your way and—“

“Don’t give me that. You’re a mess,” Levi shot back. He knew that Erwin was close to crashing, and there’s no way he could just stand around and watch. So many soldiers depended on the both of them that it was stupid to be abusing his health like this. “Do you want to eat here, or in the office?”

“Ah, the office, I think.”

“What, you don’t want everyone to watch you fall asleep in your food?”

Erwin let out a short laugh—the first one Levi had heard in days. He forced himself to at least try and smile, and followed Erwin back to their work space. Levi dared to imagine what Erwin would be like without the war. He was sure that, if he were to survive, he would develop some level of PTSD at the very least.

Most generals, in fact, were in the same boat. Some already began to show signs of shell shock, and it was only a matter of time before they were going to completely lose it.

This war was too long. Thirty years was too long to fight, too long to spend battling over things that had long since become obsolete. There was no reason for this war anymore, and what was terrifying was that both sides knew it. This was all about pride now, victory for the sake of victory.

“You’ve done this to yourself before,” Erwin said, more of a statement than a question. “Who was there to stop you?”  
Levi shrugged. “No one. After Isabel, Farlan, and Hanji left, I was alone. My advisors planned assassinations behind my back, and let me push myself to the brink of insanity.” He watched Erwin eat, looking up every once in a while to focus on his bright blue eyes. “It doesn’t matter—I’m still breathing.”

They finished their food, and Erwin moved to sit next to him. He was warm, and for the first time, Levi didn’t mind that. The larger man leaned against him, touching their shoulders together as they sat on the ground. “You shouldn’t have to look after me.”

“I don’t.” Erwin’s eyes kept drooping, and his head kept lolling forward. Damn, what the hell was this guys problem? “Just sleep. We’ll go to your quarters, and I’ll finish up my work there.”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

“What, do you think I’m going to slit your throat or something? Just fucking sleep,” Levi hissed, baring his teeth ever so slightly at Erwin, who seemed to accept the command, and forced himself back to his feet. 

“You wouldn’t.”

“Do you trust me that much?” Their quarters were still neat, probably due to the days of neglect they had received. Levi honesty couldn’t remember the last time he had stepped in the room, and wasn’t surprised at the thin layer of dust that was beginning to gather on the headboards. 

Erwin sat down on his bed, and Levi stood in front of him. “At least take your shirt off before you pass out. If you’re going to sleep, you should try and get comfortable.”

Levi didn't know why he did it, but after the human’s shirt was off, he moved his hands up and cupped either side of Erwin’s face before running his fingers over the man’s cheek bones and jawline. “You look fucking terrible.”

“Could you make sure I’m up in five hours?”

Levi blinked a few times, and nodded. “Yeah.” His hand moved up, tucking a stray hair behind Erwin’s ear. “Now rest.”

He left the room when he was sure Erwin was asleep, and escaped to their office, pressing his back against the door when he was inside. 

Fuck.

What had he done, to make Erwin trust him so easily? The way he looked at Levi, the way he listened to him…that was absolute trust. He could have killed Erwin, if he wanted to. 

What was more profound was that he thought about it, and he would have done the same thing.

He honestly, truly, trusted Erwin.

And for that to happen with a human…Levi shook his head, and sat himself down to work. Just when he thought this war couldn’t fuck him up any more.

~~

While Erwin slept, Levi paced around in his office. They had a prisoner on board the ship. Hanji, probably, was awake right now.

He knew he shouldn’t have wanted to, but he almost _needed_ to see the poor bastard that had managed to get onto this ship. He, unlike Levi, had tried to launch some sort of counterattack. The odds were slim that he could have succeeded, but the crime was still there.

His body moved him to Hanji’s office, and it only took two knocks on the door for them to answer. “Oh, Levi! Come in, do you want some tea? I was just talking to Jean and Armin about our prisoner.”

“Are they carrying out an interrogation?” He caught sight of Jean, and remembered. He was the horse faced boy, and Armin was the intelligent, blond one. The former looked absolutely livid, while Armin looked exhausted at best. 

Humans, Levi remembered, had never been good at interrogation. “How did it go?”

Armin shrugged. “We didn’t get anything out of him.”

Levi sighed. “You…what?” He couldn’t believe that he was hearing this, honestly. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was disappointed. There was something inside of him that yearned for that satisfaction of interrogation and torture, the screams that they would let out, the begging, the crying. It didn’t matter at this point if it was a human or an Amirian, Levi _needed_ that satisfaction. 

Hanji tapped their fingers on their desk, and shrugged. “They didn’t get anything out of the hostage. It’s like most of our Amirian captives, though—he won’t speak, even if we torture him to death.”

That wasn’t true. He had made even veteran soldiers uncomfortable with his interrogation methods, and he was sure that he could still do it. “Are they going to try again?”

“What’s the point? They were useless, and I’m sure our hostage doesn’t view them as a threat anymore.”

It was something about the fact that Erwin had been slaving over his work for the past few days because of their hostage, that he was about to push himself over the edge, that he was sacrificing _everything_ for this war. That made Levi want to scream. 

“They’re young recruits.”

Armin looked at the ground, and Jean only rolled his eyes. 

“Shall I take care of it?” Levi asked slowly. 

“Will they take one of their own species more seriously?” Armin inquired, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side.

“You’ll see.” Levi sighed. “ _They should come with us,”_ he clicked to Hanji, who nodded in reply.

“ _If you think that’s best_.”

There were very few things that Levi could bring himself to enjoy in war, and interrogation was on the top of the list. Something about being in power used to always get to him. Hanji loved the screaming, he loved the control. He loved being able to have some sort of retribution for the wrongs of the war, even though his actions were no better.

“ _Just like the old days, Levi,”_ Hanji chirped, watching their comrade tie and apron around his waist once they were in the interrogation room. “ _What, you don’t want to get dirty?”_

_“What the hell kind of a question is that?”_

Levi looked at Armin, and saw that he was shaking ever so slightly. “You’re nervous. How did it go, last time?”

Armin looked up, and tried to smile. “He was violent. I thought that he would escape from the restraints, and we didn’t seem to have much of an effect.”

Hanji laughed that same too loud laugh, and leaned over to clap the two on the shoulders. “It’ll be fine, Levi and I are going to handle it now.” They thought for a moment, and their eyes brightened before spinning towards Levi. “How long?”

“You still place bets?” He inquired, trying to hide the smirk that was trying to crawl onto his face. “Give me your glasses for the rest of the day, if it’s under an hour.”

“What? I won’t be able to see!” 

“That’s the idea, shit head.”

“I was just going to ask you for some money,” Hanji shot back.  
“Fine by me. I still want the glasses.”

Jean and Armin sat by the door, guns in hand. They were there as a formality, and to make sure that, if the captive escaped, he would not make it out of the room alive. It was silently agreed before entering this room that the rules of war were gone. Whatever it took to end it, they would do. 

Levi rose a brow. It wasn’t like he was a particularly tough looking soldier, but he was sure the two in charge before weren’t used to seeing beings outside of their own species, and let it slide. “I’ll let you go first,” Hanji insisted, adjusting their glasses. “I want to see if you’ve still got your old knack for this.” They stepped back to where Armin and Jean were, and gave them both a squeeze on the shoulder. “Remember, whatever you see here, try to at least hold your food down.”

“ _So, what limb do you want me to start with?”_

The prisoner laughed, and spat in Levi’s direction. “ _Who the hell are you? You aren’t shit,”_ he growled, and Levi could only smirk at this.

“ _Levi Ackerman, Five Star general,”_ he murmured, and brushed his fingers over the top of the man’s leg. “ _How about I start with this?”_ He pushed down, squeezing at the upper limb until he heard a snap, followed by a strangled scream. “ _Calm down, it’s only your femur. Just wait until I get to your ribs.”_

The restraints that held him down groaned under the pressure of his frantic thrashing. _“You’re fucking crazy, you bastard! You’re going to kill me, you sick son of a bitch, you—“_

_“So? Then we’ll just get another prisoner in here.”_ Levi’s eyes widened, and he felt himself give a genuine smile. _“Are you having fun? Because I sure as hell am. You know about us, don’t you? Hanji Zoe and I were top of interrogation and correction in the army.”_

The prisoner’s eyes widened, and his head turned to look at Hanji. Oh, yes, it was all coming back to him now. “ _You should have been executed.”_

_“Should have, but we’re better than the Amirian army. Do you think I was about to let myself hang in front of my men?”_ Levi inquired, slipping his knife out of his pocket. In one swift motion, it was open and jammed into the prisoner’s hand. “ _So, what’s the plan?”_  
The prisoner screamed, and Levi only chuckled before grabbing a handful of the man’s hair and snapping his head back. “ _Why are you on our ship, and what’s the plan?”_

“How often have you two done this?” he heard Armin ask in the back.

“At least once a week, I think. After a major battle, we would have dozens of prisoners. Mostly human, though I’ve had my fair share of Amirians to interrogate since I’ve been here.”

“Ah.”

“Levi and I are different from you two, though.”

“Why?” Armin’s voice shook. He must have been queasy at the sight. Levi brought his fist back, and punched the prisoner in the face, repeating the motion until he felt his nose break. Hanji saw the blond tense up when Levi let out a short laugh, and punched the prisoner again.

“Because we enjoy it.”

~~

Levi burst back into Erwin’s office five hours later, like planned, and all but pulled him out of bed. He was oblivious to the blood that coated his clothing, only focused on relaying the message he had received. “Amirian general Lombov is planning a seige. If our ship gets trapped behind their wall, we won’t have enough resources to survive. The best bet is to start our offensive strategy.”

Erwin had started out groggy, but by the end of Levi’s report, he was on his feet. He fumbled around with his shirt, and threw his shoes back on. “He talked? Can you get more information out of him?” 

“They’ve been allowing us to take out the security systems because it will keep us within Brakomi’s range of firing, and it will keep us on the radar. If we continue with our original plan, it’llbe a shitshow.”

“Could you get anything more out of him? Are you sure he’s reliable?”

“Hanji and I managed to dig up all of his family information. With three children and a wife, I don’t think he’s going to try and double cross us. Especially since we’re going to keep him alive until after the attack.”

Erwin was thrilled, but he didn’t like how Levi looked—pleased, bloodthirsty even. His eyes glimmered, and he looked down at the blood covering himself. “What do you think we should do?”

“Get going as soon as possible. If we can land on Brakomi before the siege, we’ll be golden. We can’t do an arial attack. The city’s defensive shields will activate, and we’ll just be wasting our ammo. We need to get to the capital, and if we can secure that, it will be near impossible for the Amirian army to try and recuperate or kick us out. Unless they plan on tearing their own planet apart, that will be our best option.”

Erwin thought. “And if they do?” 

“Then, we’ll need a backup plan, and we’ll have to be prepared to lose everything.”

“Nothing out of the ordinary, then.”

Levi shrugged. “You slept well?”

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. We need to go back to the office and rewrite our strategy. If we can mobilize ourselves within the month, we should be fine, I think.” 

“I agree.”

“Levi?” Said general already had the door open, but let it shut at the sound of Erwin’s voice. “Levi, come here for a second.”

Doing as he was told, the smaller being moved across the room until he was inches away from Erwin. “Yes, Smith?”

Erwin’s azure eyes rested on his for a long time, and cautiously, his hands moved up and squeezed Levi’s shoulders. “Are you alright?” 

That was an excellent question. Levi’s breathing was still erratic, and he still felt the adrenaline rushing through him from the interrogation. He hadn’t done anything like that in _months_ , and he forgot how dangerous it was, how alive it made him feel. “Yeah,” he breathed out. “I’m perfect.”

“Let me get a cloth to wipe your face off.”

Levi’s hand shot up, poking at the caked blood on his cheek. “Is it bad?”

Erwin bit his lip, and nodded. The smell of blood made him want to gag, but he held himself together. “You’re covered.” This was the typical Amirian soldiers that humans detested. How quickly Levi’s persona changed was what worried him. One minute, he was erratic, and the next, subdued.

Levi exhaled, and untied the apron. “I’ll change clothes, then.”  
The human brushed his fingers along Levi’s jaw, then slipped down and squeezed his hands. “I’ll be right back.”

Now, he shook, but he wasn’t sure now if it was due to the adrenaline, or the lingering feeling of Erwin’s touch.

Erwin returned moments later, a warm cloth in his hands. “I’ll get it for you.”

“No, I’m fine,” Levi huffed, and held his hand out for the cloth. Still, the human refused to give it to him, and he could only tilt his head to the side in confusion. “What, Erwin?”

“You’re shaking.” Without protest, Erwin moved forward and wiped Levi’s face off in gentle, circular motions until the blood was removed. He balled the cloth up in his hand, and before Levi could protest, Erwin was leaning over, arms wrapping around Levi.

“Hey—“

“Calm down. Everything’s fine.”

“Bullshit.”

“Levi.”

The soldier shut his eyes, and rested his head against Erwin until his shaking stopped. “I’m good.”

“Maybe you should take a break and—“

“I said I’m good,” Levi said firmly, eyes narrow and jaw clenched. “I’m going to change my clothes,” he muttered, and turned around to strip himself of his shirt. That’s when Erwin got his first look at Levi’s tattoos. At the five star rank, generals bodies were supposed to be easily identifiable. Each soldier was allowed to choose their own tattoos. Hanji had bizarre alchemy symbols all over their back, while Erwin had the scales of justice stretching across his shoulder blades.

Oddly enough, he felt the blood rush to his pants, and he tried to turn to the side and conceal himself.

Levi was different. His tattoos weren’t symbols of his interests, his passions, or his goals. From his collarbones to over his shoulders, abstract swirls and designs covered his skin, fading into eyeballs at the end of his shoulder blades to the small of his back. 

More striking than that was the deep gash that ran from his left hipbone straight up to his armpit. Erwin knew better than to ask—scars like those never had a good backstory. Levi continued walking around, back still to the human, eventually rummaging through one of their cabinet drawers and pulling out a fresh shirt. It, like the rest of his clothing, was simple. 

Levi cracked his shoulders, and tied his hair back, revealing the star tattoos. 

“Oi, keep your eyes to yourself.” 

Erwin snapped back to reality at the words, and straightened himself up. “Ah, sorry.”

“Shit, you’ll even admit to staring. That’s just sad,” Levi chastised, and unbuttoned his pants, pulling them off in one swift motion. Still, Erwin could see him struggling. His hands fumbled around while he tried to move, but they didn’t go in the right direction. More and more, Levi looked visibly frustrated. Still, he pulled new pants out of the drawer, and forced them on. 

“Your tattoos are interesting.”

Levi turned to him, and blinked once, twice. “So?” 

“What do they, uhm—“

“Don’t ask.”

“Sorry,” Erwin apologized again, trying to give Levi a sheepish smile. 

Levi’s hand reached up and brushed the back of his head, fingers rubbing where the inked skin was. “Leave the past in the past, Erwin. That’s where it belongs.”

The human swallowed the lump in his throat, and looked away. “Of course.” He heard Levi leave, shutting the door behind him, and let out a deep sigh. 

~~

There were certain rules in Amirian culture that humans had trouble understanding. Mostly, that applied to the area of personal space and contact. There were situations where it was okay to be touched, namely in the reunion of two individuals that have not seen each other for months, or perhaps the embrace of a mother and a child. Never, though, was it acceptable outside of that, without sexual connotations. 

Levi, especially, was known for his disdain of unnecessary physical contact, considering how obsessive he had become with cleanliness.

So, when he was talking to Hanji, and he felt a hand slip down his spine, he nearly screamed. His first reaction was to spin around and slice open whoever the fuck dared to even think about touching him, but he was almost one hundred percent sure he knew who it was, and that made it even worse.

“Ah, Erwin, how are you?” Hanji inquired, giving Levi the answer to his fears. “Your plans looked great, I’m sure we can put something into effect soon.”

“The western port?”

Hanji nodded. “Ideally. I think if we act soon enough they won’t have a chance to bulk up on security.”

“I agree. Let me know what modifications I need to make, and i’ll get them finished as soon as possible. From there, we can land on Brakomi, and head towards the capital.”

“No problem, Erwin. I’ll finish up with Levi, then give you back the papers with some notes.”

Levi still felt the touch of Erwin’s hand against his back. It had been a quick motion, something most humans probably wouldn’t even think twice about. But Levi was in the middle of a conversation with Hanji, and it was unacceptable. His body went rigid, and Hanji’s jaw dropped ever so slightly, but neither of them said anything.

_“Are you two—“_

_“Don’t. No. We are absolutely not.”_

_“Then why did he just touch you? He should know better.”_

Levi didn’t have an answer to that one. “ _He must not.”_

_“Make sure he doesn’t do that in front of the troops. You don’t want them to get the wrong idea…”_ Hanji trailed off.

Fuck, he hated how fucking dense humans were about these sorts of things. It wasn’t _appropriate_ for him to touch Levi like that. It had more sexual connotations that he would have liked, and the last thing he needed was for the entire rebel army to think he was sucking Erwin off.

It was bad enough already that they had to almost constantly be around each other. Hell, even that had been enough to get soldiers talking.

Everything would have been easier if he could have just blamed it on Erwin’s ignorance. But Levi, behind closed doors, let Erwin put his hands on him. It was casual, and it shouldn’t have been a big deal, but he had forgotten that there were barriers between the office and the rest of the ship. 

Erwin’s touch sent electricity through his body, and his eyes seemed to look right through Levi. It should have bothered him, but now, it was simply intriguing. Human eyes were so…different. They possessed more depth than any Amirian’s, giving information that the face never could.

He fucking hated how badly he wanted to touch Erwin back. It was a whole can of worms he couldn’t open, no matter how much he wanted it. 

He dismissed himself from Hanji, clenching the plans he had drawn up in his balled up fists. A small part of him wanted to push Erwin over when he got into their office, and chew him out for being a fucking dumbass, and not keeping his hands to himself in public. On the other hand, he also wanted to push Erwin down and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe.

In the end, he settled on neither of those options, and handed Erwin the notes he had taken during his meeting with Hanji. “We need extra ammunition of we expect to have another successful attack. Hanji told me that you could bring me to the basement, and we can get what we need for the troops.”

“Ah. So, we’re that far ahead, then.”

“I didn’t think so, but maybe Hanji has something else on their mind.”

Erwin shrugged. “Probably wants to get ready for the next phase, just in case we have to make a surprise move.”

Levi cleared his throat, and stared at the ceiling. “We lost more weapons than we should have during the southern security breach. This isn’t like your Soviet Russia—we cannot send our men into battle with nothing.”

“Understood. Does Hanji want the weapons in their office?”

Levi shrugged. “That’s where I would put them, regardless.”

As soon as Erwin led Levi to the bowels of their ship and turned the lights on, he crinkled his nose. “What the hell, does anyone even _try_ to clean down here?” Levi grumbled, moving past dusty shelves of outdated equipment, ration boxes, and god knows what else. “Which guns do you want?” Levi stopped in front of a box of what looked like recently made firearms, but Erwin shook his head and kept moving.

“Those are all defects.”

“Shouldn’t you label them?”

Erwin shrugged. “Hanji, Mike and I are the only ones that ever come down here.”

“That explains a hell of a lot.”

Levi’s gaze lingered on Erwin’s face. He still looked tired, but he had rested the night before, so he looked in slightly better shape. He slicked his hair back for the first time in almost a week, and Levi could help but let a small smile cross his face. Quickly, though, he twisted his mouth back into its usual scowl, and kept looking for the guns.  
“We might not be getting another supply, especially considering how quickly we’re moving ahead. I want our soldiers to be as prepared as the can be..”

“Of course,” Levi replied with a single nod. “Better to be safe, especially when we have no immediate backup.”

Erwin stared at him for a long time before nodding in agreement, and continuing their search. “I think everything’s towards the back.”

“Who put it down here?”

“Hanji.”

“Oh. They probably put it on a higher shelf, then.”

Sure enough, the both of them were correct, finding the guns tucked away across the top shelves of several units, all the way in the back of the basement. “These are dusty,” Levi said, hesitating to even touch one of the firearms. “Disgusting.”

“They haven’t been looked at in almost a month.”

“Inexcusable.” When he heard Erwin chuckle, he narrowed his eyes, and turned towards the human. “Do you think this is a joke?”

“Hey, hey, don’t get so worked up about it, we’ll dust them off upstairs.”

For a human, he wasn’t bad at all. He, at times, seemed much more Amirian than human, and that was interesting to Levi. After all, these people were throwing away their lives to fight against his people, and their general was more like an ideal Amirian soldier than most.

“Yeah,” Levi murmured, and reached for one of the boxes.

He should have known that he wouldn’t have been able to reach it, but he still tried. 

“You’re close,” Erwin said, but pulled the box down and handed it to the other general.

Levi stared for much longer than necessary before taking the box into his arms. “Thanks.”

“Why do you keep doing that?” 

“Huh?”

“Staring at me.”

This was one of those times where he _really_ wished he could have read Erwin. The man seemed to have an almost childlike curiosity, but there had to be more to it than that. He was a human, but that didn’t mean he was stupid. He could have read between the lines, and there was nothing there that told Levi that he hadn’t already.

“No reason.” That was the most blatant, pathetic lie he had told in a while. The shape of Erwin’s cheekbones, and how they rested on his face, his sharp features, and his stunning blue eyes…how the hell could Levi not stare? He had never seen anything like that, not on his planet, and not during the war. 

“You didn’t do it before.”

“Sorry.” Then, Levi thought. “Why are you bringing it up? You do the same to me.”

“Oh, you noticed.”

“No fucking shit, I noticed,” Levi spat, much harsher than necessary. He was getting irritated with Erwin’s games—there had to be an elongated path to get to every one of the human’s points, and it was times like this that it really fucking pissed him off. 

“Maybe, then, neither of us should worry about it.”

“I agree.” But that wasn’t exactly what Levi wanted to hear. Even in his irritation, he wanted to kiss Erwin straight on the mouth—something that he thought was odd. He had never felt sexual attraction to anyone else before, even during his previous romantic interactions. 

It fucking figured, that he would get himself involved with a human.

Erwin looked well groomed, unlike most typical soldires.. He must have tasted good, or maybe, he was over idealizing it. He carried the box towards the stairs, and made a few more trips until the seven cases they were looking for made it to the stairs. “It’s one hundred unarmed soldiers that we have to accommodate, right?”

“Yes. This should be more than enough.”

“Good, then I’ll start to bring them up.” He leaned over, putting his arms on either side of the crate to lift it up.

“Levi?”

“Hm?” He straightened himself back up, and turned to face Erwin. “What’s up?”

He should have known what was about to happen when Erwin rested his hands on either side of his face, and leaned down towards him. But instead, his military training kicked in, and he seized the human by the throat more than hard enough to cut off his air way. “ _What the hell are you doing.”_ The words came out in Amirian, but Erwin didn’t even seem to hear him speak—he was too preoccupied with trying to get Levi’s hand off of him.

“Levi, _Levi_ , I wasn’t going to hurt you, let _go_.”

Levi almost wished that he had never understood what was going on, so that he could hold onto the idea that Erwin was just doing something idiotic. But when he really looked at Erwin’s now reddening face, it all fell into place.

His feelings weren’t a one sided thing.

His hand shot away from Erwin, and he stumbled back, crashing into the crates of firearms. “Oh. Oh, shit. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, uhm…sorry.”

Erwin coughed a few times and tried his best to laugh it off, but it was obvious that his hand was at his neck to try and fix his breathing. “You’re strong.”

“Is that surprising?”

“No, no,” Erwin muttered, and looked back at Levi. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, I just…I didn’t know what you were trying to do.”

“Ah.”

“I’m fine now.” Levi had no idea what the hell to do in this sort of situation. Erwin just stared at him, and he could have fucking punched himself. He was so god damned _close_. But hey, if Erwin could try to make a move on him, he could do the same, right?

He didn’t wait for permission, or for Erwin to catch his breath. He stood on his toes, and pressed his lips hard against Erwin’s, catching the taste of coffee on his tongue. 

Erwin’s body hunched forward, and curled around Levi’s, trapping him in a firm, albeit gentle grasp. He expected the interaction to be quick, but their mouths kept moving against each other’s, and the human kept him pulled close, so that their bodies touched. 

More than anything else, he felt…safe.

Erwin pulled away, and stood straight again, hands lingering on Levi’s shoulders. 

He could have said something romantic. He could have stood on his toes for another kiss. What Levi did instead, though, was slap Erwin’s hands off of him and hoist one of the crates up to take it upstairs. 

“These damned things aren’t going to lift themselves, you know.”

“Levi—“

“Did I stutter?”

He could feel his face burning, and he couldn’t bear to look at Erwin. Seeming to understand that, the other general took another crate and followed behind him. 

~~

It wasn’t an hour after their kiss that Levi began to regret it. Of all the stupid fucking things he had done in his lifetime, this one had really taken the cake. It seemed like a _fantastic_ idea at the time, and for what reason? He didn’t have the hormones of a constantly horny, human teenager, and he knew better than to go against protocol and social norms.

He didn’t want to look at Erwin. Hell, he was hoping that Erwin would hate him and never speak to him again.  
But, since he hoped it, it almost confirmed that it would not happen. After they finished carrying up the crates, Levi all but bolted to Hanji’s office to confirm the delivery, and boarded himself up in there to work on plans for the rest of the evening. He should have stayed with Erwin, as their deal had stated, but that could go to hell for all he cared.

The human didn’t come looking for him, thank God, and he managed to focus enough to draw up his portion of the attack plans. 

Erwin, on the other hand, sat in his office, trying to figure out what the next action should be. He had a backup plan that he and Levi had begun to work on, but it didn’t seem like it would put them in any particular direction.

In order to end the war, they needed to engage in combat on Amirian soil—something many of the troops would have a problem with. It was a risk, of course, but it seemed to be the best option. For now, their plans consisted of bulking up training and supplies in case of a siege and making sure that there were no immediate threats from either the human or the Amirian side. After the last battle, word had gotten to the human armies that Amirians had joined the rebel army. 

To the generals, this was not an issue, but there couldn’t be too many precautions—after all, it only took one delinquent soldier to start a battle. Whether it was an entire platoon, or one man on an emergency pod, Erwin didn’t want any unnecessary diversions.

He thought of Levi—he never thought that he would have involved himself with an Amirian. Levi was by no means different from many of the other solders—he was ruthless, rude, and straightforward. But he respected Erwin, and trusted him completely. 

Perhaps he was stroking his own ego when it came to Levi, but he enjoyed the smaller general’s company. 

He cracked his neck, and smiled slightly. Levi hadn’t spoken to him for the rest of the day. Probably, he was still flustered. His face had been bright red when he had gone to see Hanji, and Erwin had a feeling that his aggressive exterior was a defense mechanism. He was thrown into a situation that he was completely unprepared for, and tried to shout his way out of it.

Erwin was glad, though, that Levi hadn’t rejected him. He could still taste the Amirian on his lips. He was sweet, clean tasting. His movements, despite his aggressive personality, were soft. After, of course, he had nearly choked the life out of Erwin. 

He smiled, and went back to work, thoughts of Levi tucked into the back of his mind.

~~

Levi should have known that there was going to be problems with the troops. Amirian soldiers were always rowdy, and humans weren’t any better. He pushed his food around on his plate, dully aware of the eyes of several Amirian soldiers on him.

“ _Oi, are you sucking that guy’s cock?_ ”

Levi’s head snapped up, but the humans around him kept eating. They couldn’t understand the language, and the words didn’t sound like they had malicious intent. “ _You’re from Hanji’s platoon_ ,” Levi said simply. It was a warning, nothing more. A couple of humans turned their head at his voice—they probably never heard him speak up close, especially in Amirian. 

“ _Don’t avoid the question_.”

“ _No.”_

_“He touched you, on the way to the mess hall.”_

_“Humans don’t understand our feelings towards physical contact.”_

The soldier laughed, a gross, sleazy noise that made Levi’s stomach churn. He hadn’t been in contact with these sorts of assholes for a while, and he forgot how out of hand they could get. “ _Don’t stretch the truth. Everyone already knows that you want him anyway.”_

_“If you’re going to share gossip, do it out of my presence.”_

_“Is it gossip?”_

_“This is not up for discussion, private.”_ Levi’s eyes narrowed. He shouldn’t have gotten this angry—it would only enforce the soldier’s ideas. It appalled him that he would even bring up such a personal thing in front of him. Usually, soldiers kept this talk to themselves. 

_“You two are always together.”_

_“You know that’s a requirement_ ,” Levi retorted. “ _I don’t like it any more than you do.”_ A lie, but what the hell else was he supposed to say? 

Thankfully, the matter wasn’t pressed. Levi stood up, and took his food back to the office, making sure not to look back at the soldier he had just spoken to. Even if only one of them had spoken up, how many of them had been discussing it?

The last thing Levi wanted when he entered the office was for Erwin to stand up and try to kiss him. 

He almost felt bad for Erwin when he shoved him hard enough to send him toppling over, but he reasoned with himself and decided that the human should have seen it coming. 

But, because it was Erwin, he didn’t drop anything, and he knew how to read into just about any situation. “Levi?” The other general stayed where he was—he knew better than to try and approach Levi again. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Levi…”

“The soldiers are talking.”

“About us.” 

“Yes.”

“You’re angry.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “Yes.” He rolled his tongue over his lips and hissed out what Erwin could only presume was a slew of curses in his native tongue. 

Erwin was beautiful, even when he was sprawled out on the ground, confused as hell. That only helped to infuriate Levi. He wanted to smash his head in, but that wasn’t an option. Instead, he settled on sitting next to Erwin, leg’s crossed and arms curled around himself. 

Seething didn’t even begin to describe him.

“Why does it matter?” 

“One of the troops brought it up in front of me. I’m assuming it will falter their allegiance.”

“Probably not. Our last few attacks have been successful, so there is no reason to. Not until the war is over, at least.”

“And we probably won’t even make it that far.”

Erwin rose a brow. “Probably not.”

Levi flopped onto the ground, and rested his chin on Erwin’s shoulder. He looked tired, as always. “Have you slept?”

“No.”

“You should.”

“We’re having our final meeting before the next move, soon. This one is important.”

“I’ll finish the plans.”

“No, I want to.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Smith.” A hand creeped up to stroke his cheek, and he couldn’t help but soften his expression.

“We’ll have to give an announcement to the troops about our next few moves. We’ll see how they stand from there. If allegiance is an issue, I’ll discuss it with Hanji.”

A chaste kiss on the lips, and Erwin was back to work.

Levi thought that he should have sat better, but as he watched Erwin work, a white hot anger seeping through his veins.

~~

It was Mike that brought Levi up first. Just like in their trainee days, they would board themselves up in his room and drink beers that his family had sent from home. There wasn’t as much opportunity to do so now, but Levi had insisted that he take a break, and Erwin had to oblige. 

“How is it, working with him?” 

“He’s very efficient.”

Mike nodded, and took a sip of his drink. “You know, if reminds me of when Nanaba first joined. I had to work with her, and I hated it at first.”

“Hm?” Erwin honestly had never seen that. Him and Nanaba had been attached at the hips form the very beginning. She seemed to adore him, always following him around and listening to everything he said. 

“It wasn’t her. I just _hated_ Amirians. I was angry that my brother had been killed in the war before me, and I couldn’t shake it off.”

“And Levi is like that, to me?” 

“I think so.” Mike seemed to think for a moment, and ran his hands through his hair. “You haven’t slept with him yet, have you?”

Erwin nearly choked on his beer, coughing violently and banging his fist against his chest to try and compose himself. “ _What_?!”

“No?”

“ _No_.”

Mike nodded once. “I guess that’s good, then. Since you don’t know.”

“What don’t I know?”

Mike rose a brow. “Are you not interested in him?” Erwin didn’t answer, and took a large gulp of beer. “I’ve seen him touch you before. And you do the same to him.”

“It’s friendly, there’s…it’s not like that.”

“For you, maybe not. But Amirians are different. Haven’t you heard that touching is a sign of intimacy to them?”  

That was more than enough to make Erwin choke on his drink again. “Excuse me?”

“Has he touched you in public?”

“No, never.”

“And in your quarters?”

“He’ll touch my face sometimes, or my hair, but it’s nothing…” Even to Erwin, though, the things were beginning to fall into place. “We’ve kissed before. But he’s so hard to read that…I don’t know what to think.”

“Are you interested in fucking him?” Mike was blunt, always, and Erwin appreciated that.  
Well, most of the time, anyway. “I, well…yes.”  

“Think about it. If you’re not completely sure, then don’t do it.”

“Well, I wouldn’t—“

“Amirians are monogamous.”

“Our society is too, if you think about it, though,” Erwin pointed out.

Mike shook his head. “No. Amirians physically cannot have sexual relations with more than one person comfortably.”

“…Why?”

Mike sighed, and leaned back in his chair. “They bear a mark, after they have intercourse. It’s a bond, a promise, almost, to stay together. But with humans, it’s different. We can move on without permanent damage, most of the time.”

“But what if something doesn’t work out?”

“Depression, suicide, you name it. They’re completely emotionally dependent on whoever they sleep with. It’s a partnership that goes past support and love. It’s necessity, once it happens.”

“Have you slept with Nanaba?” Erwin asked softly. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer, but he stared at Mike, waiting.

“Yes.”

Erwin nodded, and stared hard at the ground. Levi…Levi felt like someone he had known for his entire life. Levi was someone he depended on. 

He was like some sort of angel that had managed to come from the fires of the war to help him, comfort him.

He couldn’t say it out loud, nor could he let Mike hear it. But maybe, maybe he actually loved Levi. “Whatever you decide, Erwin, be careful.” He nodded, but that wasn’t good enough for Mike. “No, listen, Erwin. You can’t play around with someone’s mind like that. Not in these sorts of situations.”

~~

Levi stood in the middle of the warm shower, hands shaking and sharp, stifled breaths coming from his mouth. He knew that he was interested in Erwin, but to what extent, exactly, he didn’t exactly understand. But Erwin looked at him with desire, lust, hunger.

Aspects of wartime and fighting carried over into their relationship, absolutely, but Levi had never seen it before. He was like a challenge, to Erwin. Something else to conquer, something new to explore. 

The thought of Erwin’s eyes focusing on his, and the human’s mouth on his neck was enough to send blood shooting to his pelvis. Erwin wanted him, and, whether or not he would verbally admit it, he wanted the human, too.

He let his hand travel down to his erection, and jerked himself off, letting his eyes flutter shut at the familiar feeling of pressure building up in his lower abdomen. He wanted Erwin to touch him, to suck him off, to fuck him.

It was dangerous, letting himself get like this. He groaned, and hoped that Erwin wasn’t resting in the other room. It was unlikely, but he knew how shitty his luck was. Biting down on his tongue, he kept going, imagining Erwin pushing him down on his bed, making him scream until he came.

He had never thought like this before, and he never thought that it would be over the human general he had tried to kill years earlier.

Fuck. 

He felt an orgasm come over him, and shuddered before going back to shampooing his hair. This shit was way too complicated for his liking.

When he was finished, he shut the water off, dried himself off, and pulled on a fresh pair of clothes. “Oi, shithead,” he called out, swinging the bathroom door open, and sure enough, Erwin was sitting on his bed, reading over yet another report.

How he had so much paperwork to do, Levi would never understand. 

“Hm?” Erwin glanced up from the work, and took his reading glasses off. 

“Put that shit down, there’s no point in reading it over and over again.” 

“I need to remember—“

“Is that the same report you had this morning? You’re going to oversaturate yourself, and you’re going to be fucking useless when we have to go onto the field. You know that, don’t you?” Erwin waited, then nodded once. “So? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Levi stormed over, and all but ripped the papers out of Erwin’s hands, slamming them down on the nightstand. “Jesus, Erwin, you’re going to pop a blood vessel in your eye or some shit if you’re not careful.”

Levi collapsed onto the bed next to Erwin, and let the human run his hands back and forth over his chest. “You never look at any of the reports. How did you get this far?”

“I only needed to be good on the field, and I was. I can make a strategy, and carry it out. That’s all you need, really. Hell, some of our best generals didn’t even know how to read.”

Erwin nodded. “What was it like, to grow up there?”  
“Why don’t you tell me about Earth, first?” This was the last thing that he wanted to talk about, but Erwin seemed insistent. 

The human thought about this for a long time, but seemed satisfied with the request, and smiled somewhat. “It was…interesting. It varies country to country, but I grew up in England. We focused on education and college, but when the war got really bad, they started pushing for us to join after high school.”

“And your family?”  
“They’re kind people. My mother wanted what was best for me, and neither of my parents wanted me to join the army. They thought I would be a better scholar.”

“I can see that. Did you ever date?”

“Nothing serious,” Erwin admitted. 

“What was school like?”

“Kind of boring. I heard that college is much better.”

“You should have gone.”

“Finishing the war is more important, I think.”

“Maybe.”

“How about your family?”

Levi shrugged. “I don’t know, I grew up with my aunt and uncle,” he began. “They worked most of the time, to provide for their own children, along with me.”

“And your parents?”

“My father was killed in 4015, and my mother died in Brakomi’s first air raid.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t remember much of them, so I guess it’s not a big deal.”

“You look sad.”

Levi laughed, but it came out twisted and bitter. “Do I?” He didn’t want Erwin to lean over and kiss him, but he didn’t stop him, either. “What were your pastimes?”

“I read, and my mother used to make me go to dancing lessons.”

“Why?”

“She wanted me to be able to dance when I got married.”

Levi snorted. “My uncle used to tell me that he felt sorry for the poor son of a bitch that was going to get stuck with me,” he said with a chuckle. “He wasn’t wrong.” 

“What did you used to do?”

“We went to political rallies. I wish I had learned how to dance, but after the air raids, Brakomi became obsessed with war.”

Erwin stared at Levi for a long time, and eventually stood up. “Come here.”

Levi, without hesitation, followed. The human stood in front of him, and took one of his hands, resting the other one on the small of his back. “Oi, what the hell are you doing, perv?”

“We’re going to dance.”

The Amirian bit down on his lip too hard, but let Erwin lead him around the room, stepping awkwardly in what he really didn’t think he could even classify as a type of dance. “You’re not very good at this.”

Erwin couldn’t help but laugh. “I haven’t danced in a long time.”

“You should be sorry.”

The human shut him up with a rough kiss, which Levi didn’t mind in the least. He inched closer to Erwin, jerking back when he accidentally felt himself trip over the larger general’s foot.

“Careful.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

It felt strange, to be so innocent with someone else, after all they had been through. Erwin’s eyes shone, focusing on Levi as they moved around the room. He pretended to hear music, pretended that they were at a formal event of some sort. They held dances in the capital, but Levi had never been. Too busy planning, interrogating, fighting.

Erwin seemed like the type of man to go to formal events. He looked aristocratic, sophisticated. Levi could imagine him in a suit, with his hair slicked back and skin smelling of expensive cologne. Perhaps if things had been different, and he had been born a few years earlier.

When Erwin looked at him the same way, what did he see? A wealthy merchant? A boy who looked like he dug through the trash for food? Without Kenny, he would have been a street rat, so he accepted the latter suggestion. 

He moved around the room, focused on matching Erwin’s movements, and the glistening of his eyes.

For a moment, he honestly prayed that the light in his eyes would never go out. At least, not during this war. 

“You’re not too bad,” Erwin complimented, and kissed Levi’s forehead.

“That’s because you’re not terribly good, so you can’t tell the difference.”

The human sighed, and stopped, resting his chin on the top of Levi’s head. In response, the smaller being wrapped his arms around Erwin, pulling them as close together as possible. He drowned himself in the smell of Erwin’s clothes, and the warmth of his body.

For the briefest moment, he could make himself forget that they were at war.

~~

To celebrate their success and efficiency in helping the war effort, Hanji, Erwin and Mike rose several generals up in rank, and several soldiers to ranks of captain and one star generals. 

Levi understood what it was, though. It wasn’t so much about the work, but the gratification and the motivation. Other soldiers would push to receive the same promotions, and it would encourage the ones that had gotten them to work even harder.

A political move or not, it was a custom in both cultures to celebrate after several large promotions. Humans with alcohol, and Amirians with rest and decent food. The generals gathered in their main meeting room, a few bottles of wine between them. Mike had pulled out one that his family had given him a few years back, and Erwin had saved a bottle of whisky from his last time on Earth. 

“That smells disgusting,” Levi commented, crinkling his nose after Erwin opened the whisky. “Why do you drink that.”

“It helps you relax.”

Levi shrugged, and crossed his legs. “I don’t understand.”

“Do you want some?”

“No,” Levi said flatly. “I don’t understand why you drink it.”

Erwin smiled, and took a whiff of the liquid himself. “It’s to celebrate. I told you—it takes the edge off.”

“Can Amirians drink it?”

“Hanji drinks all of the time,” Mike pointed out, in the middle of pouring glasses of wine for himself and said general. 

“It doesn’t hit us the same—the blood doesn’t thin as fast with us, y’know?” Hanji said carelessly.

“Do you want to try some of mine?”

Levi furrowed his brow. “What the hell am I, your child?”

“Well?”

“Fucking fine.”

He expected something that tasted somewhat decent, despite the smell. But he took a large sip, and let it sit on his tongue. He could tell by Erwin’s wide eyes that he had done something wrong, and the immediate, horrific burning in his mouth was a testament to that. He forced himself to swallow, and thrusted the glass back into the humans hand. “Christ, Erwin, that’s _awful_.”

“It’s good whisky,” he replied, more defensively than he would have liked. “You’re not used to it. Most alcohol you need an acquired tasted for.”

Maybe it was because he had a sick fascination with making himself suffer, or maybe it was because he didn’t want to disappoint Erwin, but he let the human pour him a glass, and he forced it down much faster than necessary. 

The burn lingered in his chest, along with an uncomfortable warmth that made his face heat up. “You know, you should try wine, it’s more mild, I think,” Hanji said, but when Levi looked up, he saw that their face was beginning to tint from warmth, and they had a stupid ass expression on their face.

“The hell is wrong with you?”

“I think I’m getting drunk.”

Levi blinked once, then twice. “I don’t understand.”

“Alcohol is a depressant, so it’s like other drugs in the sense that it kind of…alters your functioning,” Hanji spewed, while Mike sipped at his own drink. 

“Ah, so that’s how it takes the edge off,” Levi responded flatly. Each time Erwin took a sip of the whisky, he would follow suit, crinkling up his nose and forcing the drink down until there was a comfortable blossom of warmth in the middle of his chest. 

The more he drank, the more tolerable it became. He assumed that Hanji was drunk, based on how loud they were compared to normal. Moblit, usually, was the one keeping them in check, but he was equally intoxicated, laughing lightheartedly at the conversations around him. 

He and Erwin finished the bottle of whisky, and by the time they were done, Levi felt his head spinning, and he was sure he was going to have a heat stroke. Erwin, on the other hand, was taking fairly loudly with the other troops, a light red starting to dust over his face. 

He had to admit, though, that everything seemed so much more…light. Levi felt like he was burning up, and everything around him seemed to be moving around him faster than usual, but he was calm. 

Levi all but dragged Erwin back into their quarters two hours later, after the other generals had decided it was time to at least try to wind down and go to sleep. 

“Levi, Levi, I think you’re beautiful.” 

“Shut up and get in bed, you’re acting like an idiot.”

Erwin complied, but dragged Levi down with him, and threw the blankets over both of them. “You’re warm, Levi.”

“So?”

“Your skin is usually freezing.”

“Sorry.”

“No, I like it. You’re stunning,” Erwin sputtered, and Levi rolled his eyes. God damnit, humans were fucking bizarre. 

“Go to sleep, Erwin.”

“Will you stay?”

Levi took a deep breath, but curled up next to the human. “Yes, I’ll stay.”

~~

“ _You’re pretty damned lucky to have gotten off of Brakomi in one piece, you know,”_ Farlan clicked, leaning back in his chair. “ _But then again, so are we_.”

“ _If it weren’t for Hanji, we would have died_ ,” Isabel added in her usual, cheerful tone. “ _Has the planet gotten better since we’ve left_?”

Levi shook his head, and he could see Isabel visibly sadden. “ _It’s only getting worse. The politics are based around keeping the rich in power, and most everyone is being drafted into the army.”_

_“They’re throwing lives away for nothing, then. Ours included,”_ Farlan states solemnly. “ _It isn’t surprising, but it’s still…it’s upsetting.”_

“ _Why wouldn’t it be? They’re going to tear each other apart, and both sides of this war might go without victory._ ”

“ _Do you care, who wins?”_ Isabel asked softly, retying her hair as she spoke. 

“ _No. I want it to be over.”_

_“Ah. See, I think I have a soft spot for the human side.”_

_“Stupid. Where the hell are you getting that from? They’re just as bad as the Amirians_ ,” Farlan shot back. “ _No one deserves to win, but someone has to have a technical victory.”_

Levi watched the two of them. Really, he was proud of how much they had grown since the time they had joined the army. “ _It’s interesting, that they’ve gotten both sides to work together here.”_

Farlan laughed at that. “ _It’s not like everybody gets along. There’s still discrimination on both sides.”_ He smiled, and patted Isabel on the shoulder. “ _The thing is, though, we all want this over and done with. Then, we can go our separate ways, and try to get everything back together.”_

_“How have things been here?”_ That was a perspective Levi hadn’t gotten, and was interested in hearing. For so long, he had been a general. There was only a very short period of time that he had operated as a normal soldier, and all of the memories were beginning to crush themselves together.

Isabel waved her hand, trying to dismiss the question. _“Nothing out of the ordinary. You know how most of the Amirian soldiers are. Rude as hell, but at least they do their jobs.”_

Levi nodded in agreement. “ _That’s fine, then.”_

_“How’s working with Hanji and Erwin?”_

_“Fine.”_

_“You two are close, from what it looks like,”_ Farlan said with a nod. _“I’m glad it’s working out.”_

_“I’ve always worked closely with Hanji.”_

_“No, no, I was talking about Erwin,_ ” Farlan corrected. “ _He’s a human, and he’s fucking brutal, but I’m glad you two get along.”_

Levi blinked once. Twice. “ _Yeah_.”

“ _He’s very touchy with you.”_

Levi’s mouth twisted into a scowl. That was the absolute _last_ thing he had wanted to hear. “ _He doesn’t understand.”_

“ _But you let him do it. I know you, Levi, you would have stopped him if you didn’t want him to,”_ Isabel pointed out. 

“ _Ah. That’s why you’re getting along so well,”_ Farlan said with a short laugh. Levi, on the other hand, wanted to die. Thank God these two weren’t the type to spread conversation carelessly.

_“It’s not like that.”_

_“You haven’t slept together yet, then.”_

_“What the hell do you mean ‘yet’?”_ Levi snapped, balling his hands up into fists. “ _I wasn’t planning on it at all, you fucking prick.”_

Isabel ruffled Levi’s hair—a thing he used to do to her years ago. “ _Remember, Amirians bond after you fuck. Humans aren’t the same.”_

_“Of course I fucking know that_.” And he did. But it didn’t seem like a large threat, regardless. After all, he liked to think he was mentally competent enough to prevent animalistic nature from taking over.

“ _Either way, I think you two look nice together,”_ Isabel murmured, more to herself than to Levi. “ _He’s kind of grumpy, so I think he suits you._ ”

At this, Levi couldn’t help but laugh.

He had forgotten how much he had missed these two, and what it was like to have close friends.  
~~

Levi moved around the room, completely oblivious to Erwin’s advances. A hand on his shouLder, an arm around his waist—he had convinced himself that this was normal human behavior. Especially with Erwin. Humans touched each other, and they were often “intimate” with each other by Amirian standards, though there was no sort of relations between most of the men. 

Sure, Erwin had kissed him, but…maybe it was standard. Maybe it was a cultural norm that he hadn’t experienced before. He had heard that on Earth, Europeans would greet each other with a kiss on the cheek.

Somehow, that seemed far different than the two of them in their quarters with Erwin’s tongue all over the inside of his mouth.

No, that wasn’t true. He _knew_ that wasn’t true. Why was he trying to bullshit himself?

That was a stupid question. He knew he had to be careful with relationships, and _especially_ around Erwin, since there was the complication of a mutual attraction. Of course, he yearned for the other general. There were multiple occasions where he found himself in the shower, jerking himself off to the thought of Erwin fucking him into the mattress.

He had let himself slip, and he wasn’t sure how to get himself back up. Erwin was becoming more and more important to him, and he still couldn’t read the human.

Sometimes, he was intimate with Levi. Other times, he was cold.

Though, Levi had to admit that he wasn’t much different.

Levi had kissed Erwin a few times—he could definitely count the total amount of incidents on one hand. After all, he was embarrassed by his attraction to Erwin, and liked to let him take the lead as far as intimacy went. But Erwin never pushed very far. Initially, that was fine with Levi. He wasn’t completely sure how far he wanted their…relationship, dare he say, to go, and starting off slow gave him time to think. But now, he wanted more. 

The concept of being bonded based solely on sexual interaction was something that neither Erwin nor Levi could completely comprehend. Erwin, being human, didn’t understand the complexities that came with the chemical makeup of Amirian people. Levi had never experienced any sort of feelings as strong as what others had told him, and he didn’t completely believe that it was true. Perhaps, it was a situation brought on by believing such feeling should appear.

After all, if he resisted, he would be fine, right? Willpower was supped to be more powerful in the end. Or at least, that’s what he was hoping. 

Not that it mattered, in the end. He wanted Erwin so fucking bad that he was willing to push everything aside for the blond. He would never tell the human that, though. He brushed his fingers against the hemline of Erwin’s shirt, letting his skin touch the human’s ever so slightly. 

Erwin’s eyes flickered down to his, and everything seemed to stop. “What are you doing?”

Levi thought for a moment. He could have lied, but what was the point? “I want to fuck.”

“Ah.”

For the first time, Levi was embarrassed by his bluntness. He stepped back from Erwin, but the human caught him by the wrist and pulled him back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Erwin, instead of saying anything, slammed his lips against Levi’s in what felt like a bruising kiss, and slipped his fingers through the loops of the smaller general’s pants. He led the two of them to the bed, pushing against Levi until he fell against the mattress, and Erwin was between his legs. 

He loved Erwin’s high sharp cheekbones, and the way his eyes shone against his skin. Levi felt his pants tighten, and looked away. He didn’t like how revealing this was. Still, he let Erwin pull his shirt off, and did the same to him. 

Levi rolled his hips, face burning when he heard Erwin moan in response. It felt oddly good, to have the blond respond like that.

Erwin slipped away from him, until his head was down at Levi’s navel. He kissed at the light blue flesh until he reached the fabric of his pants, and mouthed against his crotch, applying the slightest amount of pressure to his erection. 

Levi’s toes curled, and his fingers locked themselves in Erwin’s hair. “Shit, hey, _Erwin!”_

“Do you not like it?” Erwin asked, voice no louder than a whisper. 

“It’s good, I just—“

“Relax, Levi.”

“You do shit like this often, don’t you,” Levi hissed, bucking his hips ever so slightly when Erwin pulled his belt off of him and undid his pants. 

“I can’t say I’ve ever been in this situation before,” Erwin admitted, and moved up to kiss the other general. Levi let him pull the pants off, leaving him in a pair of boxers, and Levi imitated the action, tracing his fingers over Erwin’s crotch every once in a while as he did so. 

“You’re beautiful, for a human.”

Erwin laughed, a noise that seemed to shake his entire body. “We don’t look as different as I expected.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Fucking gross.” The next thing he knew, Erwin’s hand was in his boxers, fingers tracing up his cock. He gasped out, and threw his hips forward. 

“Let me give you a blowjob,” Erwin whispered, breath tickling against Levi’s skin. Already, he was pulling the general’s underwear off to expose his cock.

“You don’t have to, I—“

“I want to.”

The feeling of Erwin’s mouth around him made him want to scream. It was fucking _warm_ , and that was strange to him. Still, it felt fucking amazing, and he let Erwin do whatever the hell he wanted. He ran his tongue up the length of Levi’s erection, eliciting another moan from the smaller being, and a rough tug at his hair. “Quit teasing me.”

Erwin hummed against his skin, and released his erection with a wet pop. His fingers traced around Levi’s hip bones as the smaller man slid off of the bed and got onto his knees. “Here, let me now,” he murmured, and pulled at the top of Erwin’s boxers until they fell to his ankles. 

He ran his tongue over the tip of Erwin’s erection before taking it into his mouth as far he could. He repeated the action, sloppily working his mouth against it. Levi didn’t know what the hell he was doing, but he tried to imitate Erwin’s actions. Thankfully, the blond shuddered and pushed Levi harder down, so he had to have been doing fine. 

It wasn’t until he felt Erwin’s cock pulse in his mouth that he was torn away and pushed back down onto the bed. He coated his fingers in saliva, and they kissed messily, Erwin fumbling around until his fingers pressed against Levi’s entrance. He pushed one finger in, waiting when Levi inhaled sharply until he nodded for Erwin to keep going. Another finger, and he wrenched his eyes shut.

“This is going to hurt.”

“Relax, Levi.” 

“Shut up and fuck me already.” 

Erwin, complying to the request, pressed his cock against Levi’s entrance, and took a deep breath before thrusting in. He moved slow, waiting for Levi to adjust before pushing himself all the way in.

“Are you okay?”

“It’s fine,” Levi choked out, but that wasn’t entirely true. Everything felt tight, and it felt like Erwin wasn’t supposed to be there, but he dug his nails into the blond’s shoulders and let him pull out, and push back in.

After a while, he got used to the rhythmic motions, and a dull pressure built up in his abdomen. He was still hard, and the feeling of Erwin against him, kissing him, touching him only turned him on more.

What really made his chest tighten was that Erwin wasn’t _fucking_ him.

This was love making.

Levi shuddered, and arched his back, pressing his torso against Erwin’s warm flesh. The human rolled his hips forward, hitting deep inside of him, and he let out a loud, drawn out moan, eyes fluttering shut. 

“Erwin, careful,” he whimpered, but said man only covered his lips with a kiss, and thrusted into him again. His pace was steady and quick, but it wasn’t painful. It sent jolts of pleasure through Levi’s body, making his fingers and toes curl into the sheets.

Erwin looked at him with half lidded eyes, and cupped his face for a moment before dipping down and working his mouth against the sensitive flesh of Levi’s neck.

“Fuck, Erwin, that’s…really fucking good,” Levi choked out, rolling his hips against the human’s. Erwin treated him like a glass flower, afraid that he would shatter at any moment. Levi’s body quivered with need, and he felt his erection throb painfully whenever Erwin hit his prostate. 

Levi pushed himself up and trapped Erwin in a kiss, tasting the sweetness of his mouth, and the sweat that lingered on his skin. The human moaned into his mouth, opening up to let Levi push their tongues together. 

It didn’t seem possible, that something so good could follow him for the rest of his life. 

The tingling in the lower half of his body needed release, but he loved the feeling of Erwin pushing him down, treating him like they were old lovers, untouched by the stains of war. 

It was only a few more thrusts before Levi yelped, afraid of the release that his body so badly wanted to have. “ _Erwin_ —“

“Are you close?” 

The answer came out in the form of a desperate moan, and Erwin wrapped his fingers around Levi’s throbbing erection, pumping it a few times until Levi’s body jerked, overwhelmed by the sudden orgasm, and the sensation of Erwin continuing to move in and out of him. He pushed himself into the mattress, absorbed by the sensitivity and the feeling of Erwin all over him.

Erwin came not long after, his lips against Levi’s, moaning into his mouth. The Amirian’s chest stung, but he ignored it, and let Erwin curl up around him, arms pulling him close. 

It was uncomfortable, to not be working, but Levi felt safe like this. He shut his eyes and stayed where he was, with the two of them curled up in Erwin’s too small bed. 

~~

Levi blinked his eyes open, and sat himself up in bed. Erwin was still out cold, and he climbed over him. There was no reason to wake him up now. He stumbled into the bathroom, and flicked the light on to brush his teeth and wash his face. He flicked the water, not bothering to wait for it to warm up before rinsing his face off. He loved the scent of soap that lingered on his skin, and stood in for a moment, watching the water drip off of his face.

He dried his face off, and held the towel against his chest. It should have been damp, or at the very least, cold. it shouldn’t have, by any means, felt like it was burning his flesh. In under a second, the towel was on the ground, and Levi’s eyes were focused on the mirror.

What had previously been light blue skin was decorated with a black mark that looked like veins crawling out from the center of his chest. 

Oh, fuck.

That’s what they had meant by a permanent connection. He thought of Erwin, how they had fucked before, and the mark stung in an oddly pleasant manner. It was sore, probably due to its sudden appearance, but it didn’t seem capable of harming him. Not immediately, anyways.

The others had told him he would be dependent on Erwin, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Hell, Erwin probably thought he was going to be dependent on him.

He felt angry, for a moment. Was that why he had slept with him? As a test of trust, as a way to take control of him?

When he came out of the bathroom, Erwin was sitting up in bed. His eyes travelled down to the mark, but Levi distracted him with a kiss, and pulled Erwin out of bed. They had to go back to work, whether they wanted to or not.

~~

The thought that Erwin had simply tried to manipulate him occurred to Levi time and time again, eating away at his brain until it utterly consumed him. 

“You understand how our psychology works.” Levi watched him, perched on the desk as he always was. He looked down, watching Erwin work on the floor map. His shoulders were hunched—he was exhausted. “However, you miscalculated.”

“Did I?” Erwin asked, marking another point on the map. He paced around and around and around, never once stopping to look up at Levi. 

The alien’s chest ached. He hated how hard Erwin worked, how much more he did than everyone else. He wouldn’t let Levi help—the other generals wouldn’t trust the plans. Or, that’s what he told him. 

Perhaps, he enjoyed suffering like this. He felt like he was doing something noble, taking his own step in ending the war. He needed to do it himself, or it didn’t mean anything. So Levi just watched, working on his own ideas, waiting for orders either from the human or the other generals.

Erwin’s muscles flexed under his v-neck shirt. He was big, but e moved around such a small, confined area. Levi hopped off of the desk, and looked at the plans. As always, a huge risk. He wanted to tell himself that it would work, that they would be victorious. But the plans had failed again and fucking again, and this new idea looked bleak at best.

“You assumed I would fawn over you,” Levi began. His voice stayed steady, but he felt his body shake. Erwin still stared at the ground, analyzing the plan. “You thought that I would be _consumed_ by you.” He licked his lips, and cracked his neck. “But I’m not like that. I’ve seen more than anybody else on my planet. You should know that simple tricks like that don’t work on people like us.”

This time, Erwin glanced up. “Are you angry, that I knew, and slept with you anyway?”

“Why would I be? I let you.”

“And?” Erwin’s eyes staring at his own made his heart beat faster, and the saliva in his mouth dry up. He tried to swallow, but it hurt. He hated it, how his body acted. 

But he was stronger than his body. He could be stronger than nature.

“Perhaps. I don’t think you achieved what you wanted.”

Erwin moved across the room, and kissed Levi on the lips. The alien returned the gesture, and pulled himself against the blond. “Ah.” Erwin turned away, and went back to his plans. “Perhaps not.”  
~~

He knew that he was playing with fire. He had felt how the mark had hurt him when Erwin wasn’t around, or when he was angry at the human. Still, he couldn’t help it. Erwin kissed him and held him, and made him feel so _fucking_ important that none of the discomfort mattered.

Levi shut his eyes, and let Erwin thrust into him. “You know,” he said eventually, face covered in a violent blush while his body shook from the pleasure that was coursing through him. “You only need to fuck me once for us to be bonded.” Not that he minded at all.

Erwin froze, grip tightening on the other general’s waist. “Who says that’s why I’m fucking you?”  
Levi rolled his hips, and the human let a low groan slip from his throat. What the hell was Erwin thinking?

“Why else would a human sleep with me?” Levi inquired. Erwin locked him in a soft kiss, and pulled him close. “So, what’s the deal?” He kissed Erwin’s neck, running his tongue over the flesh. He felt the human’s cock twitch inside of him, and he bit down ever so slightly. That’s when things began to click into place. “Do you like this?” Levi whispered carefully.

Erwin thrusted forward, pushing his lover into the mattress. The rocking of their bodies made the bed let out a tired, creaking noise, and Levi’s eyes fluttered shut. “Levi…“

“You do, don't you?”

“Well, I—“ Levi cut off the other general, sinking his teeth hard into his neck, earning a sharp inhale in response. 

“Do you love me?”

Erwin, at first, didn’t respond. He leaned down so that his lips pressed against Levi’s ear, and blew a mouthful of hot air against it. He kept fucking Levi, even though he could feel that the other general was getting close. “Why wouldn't I?”

That wasn't exactly the answer that Levi was looking for. He almost thought that hearing those words would make him happy, but it made his chest sting, and his brain hurt. This was going to complicate things, but what could he do now?

He tried to think, but his mind was fogged up with the tingling pleasure of Erwin fucking him, and the warmth of their bodies pressed so roughly against one another. It wasn’t a farce, or an attempt to control him—Erwin genuinely wanted to be like this with him.

Erwin loved him. The shape of his body, the movement of his muscles beneath his skin, the sound of his rough, awkwardly paced voice, everything. He was, in the end, a textbook example of a ruthless, Amirian soldier.

But with Levi on his hands and knees and Erwin’s cock deep inside of him, it didn’t feel that way. The Amirian’s teeth clamped down on the sheets, trying to muffle the noises. The only time he was loud was when Erwin had him like this. 

He pulled out, and thrusted back in before Levi could say anything, and his words came out as a sloppy, drawn out moan that sent a shiver down Erwin’s spine.

“Fuck, Erwin, fuck, fuck,” he choked out, clawing at the sheets when he felt Erwin come inside of him, the feeing making him reach his own orgasm. 

The two of them collapsed into the sheets, and Levi curled into the larger general, pressing his face over his chest to hear his heart beat. It was nice, to be reminded that the two of them were still alive, and that there was still something beautiful in this shit storm of a war.

“Do you love me, Levi?” Erwin asked after a long bit of silence between the two of them. His hand rested on the small of Levi’s back, and he kept it there, tracing circles on his skin. 

“Yes.”

Erwin couldn’t help but laugh at the response. “Levi?” 

“Hm?”

“It’s embarrassing, to think I hated Amirians as much as I did in the past. I’m sorry.”

“The hell are you apologizing to me for? I’m not a fucking ambassador,” Levi grumbled, but had to admit that the comment had made him uncomfortable. It was a reminder of the past, of what Erwin didn’t know, and what was eventually going to blow up in his face. 

“I’m glad, that you ended up here.”

“Tell that to the troops.”

“You’re difficult,” Erwin replied, smiling against the skin of Levi’s neck. 

The Amirian rolled over, and pressed his lips against Erwin’s cheek, then his lips. “Stop it,” he whispered, and ran his tongue over the human’s lower lip. 

“Are you embarrassed?”

He curled back into Erwin, and shut his eyes. “Yeah.”

Levi thought he could drift off to sleep, but he sat there, stomach churning until he couldn’t take it anymore. He forced himself to sit up, and Erwin followed. “Where are you going?”

“We should be working. Don’t you have a meeting with Hanji later?” Levi reminded him, pulling on clothes so that they could make their way back to the office. “We have to make a move soon, so you need to be prepared.”

Erwin nodded in agreement, and opened the door, letting Levi out first before following. “How do you feel, about advancing?”

Levi shrugged. “It’s inconvenient.”

“Hm?”

He let out a dry laugh. “I’m the one that put all of the security systems into place.”

Erwin tilted his head to the side. “Then it should be easy to unravel them.”

“Internally, yes. I don’t know what the hell we’re going to do from out here, unless you have an inside man.”

~~

Levi sat on the ground in his usual spot, tapping his pen against the paper that he had been working on how the hell they were going to get through the next security system. It was almost there, everything was almost figured out. All it needed was some finishing touches and—

The door to the office swung open, clattering against the wall, and Levi’s head snapped up, ears flattening against his head.

Erwin stormed into the room, and he was nothing short of _seething_ with anger. Levi had hardly ever seen him this upset, so he froze up, not completely sure what to do. “Erwin?” he tried to force out, and stepped towards the human general. Said man allowed Levi to wrap his arms around him, and he buried his face in the smaller man’s hair. He heard Erwin’s heart beat hard in his chest, and his breathing was still uneven. Had he run back over here?  

“Sit down,” Erwin commanded, and moved Levi when he didn’t move himself fast enough. The smaller general stumbled backwards, sitting on the ground with a sickening feeling sitting in his stomach. The blond furrowed his brow. It must have been serious, since the older man still was using his formal tone with him.

“Hm?” Levi grunted, cracking his neck.

“The general from last year.”

Oh, fuck. “…Yes?” Levi’s voice dropped to a hoarse whisper, but it appeared that Erwin didn’t notice, and for that he was thankful. The human was too caught up in his thoughts, in everything that he was feeling. 

Too caught up to notice the overwhelming guilt and panic that was no doubt seeping into Levi’s expression. 

“There’s speculation that he is on this ship.”

“Where did you find that out?” Levi choked out as flatly as he could. He tapped his fingers against his thigh, and let Erwin collapse next to him. He rested his chin on Levi’s shoulder, which only made the Amirian feel worse. 

He could have puked, This was _disgusting_.

“Mike informed me this afternoon.” Fuck, he had forgotten about Nanaba’s relation to him. She wasn’t trustworthy enough, and he should have taken that into account. He assumed that Hanji would have known, but there was no reason for them to. A stupid mistake, on his part. “How could he have possibly gotten on here? And why hasn't he made any move to destroy us yet? How long has he _been_ here? We’ve had so many recruits in the last few months, it seems like it could be anyone. Do you think they’re hiding their tattoos?” Erwin kept spewing out words, and Levi felt his head spin. His stomach churned—god, he wanted to vomit, this was awful.

Levi frowned slightly, but didn't say anything. What could he do? There was no point in lying to the human, but he didn't have any idea as to how the older man would react. He couldn’t tell him. He couldn’t slip, he couldn’t come forward with this. Not after everything they had been through and everything Erwin meant to him.

So, he let Erwin pace around the room and sat silently, hoping that he would cool down.

Had Hanji mentioned it to Nanaba? It was days since the Erwin had brought up the news, and Levi was sure that his lover had brought it up at least a dozen times since his meeting with Hanji and Mike. He was utterly _obsessed_ , to the point where he wanted to have an examination of every Amirian soldier for traces of association with that battle. 

Meanwhile, Levi sat by his side, acting as if nothing was the matter, and that it wasn’t he who Erwin was searching tirelessly for. He thought that Erwin had made it past that battle, that he wasn’t still utterly consumed by the loss that had happened on the human side. After all, the Amirian side, in the long run, hadn’t done much better. In battle, they had come out with less casualties and a technical victory, but back on the mainland, there were far more civillian casualties due to rioting, and many of the army’s leaders were being executed for false war crimes. 

He thought that Erwin would be the type to understand things like this. After all, he had always been the level headed one. The obsession and rage was usually more on Levi’s part, after all. 

The worst was that Erwin always came to him to talk about it. He felt his heart beat faster every time, and his palms got sweaty. He was a bad liar—he always had been. 

How had Erwin not figured it out yet? All of the other generals had to know, so why hadn’t one of them spilled yet?

There was no reason for them to save Levi’s ass, or to even have a decent amount of respect for him. He watched Erwin pace around the room, and he honestly didn’t know if it was better off this way. Maybe one of them _should_ have told him. At least he wouldn’t be worrying himself sick like this, trying so hard to figure out who the fuck it was, even though that someone was sitting right beside him, talking to him, helping him, and sleeping with him.

The human general came back from yet another meeting with Hanji and Mike, and slammed his lips against Levi’s, immediately pushing his tongue into the other general’s mouth.“You're the best thing that this war has ever given me,” he murmured, moving to plant soft kisses down his lover’s neck.

Levi moaned softly, back arching slightly when he felt a hand slip between his legs. “Erwin...” he gasped out, shivering when he felt the human's warm skin against his. It felt good to be touched, but he hated when Erwin talked like this. The human didn’t know about his past, or what had happened. He had done too well, hid too much.

“You've helped us so much, Levi. I don't know what we would have done without you.”

How could he keep his mouth shut at that? He couldn't lie anymore. For Erwin’s sake, at the very least. If he didn’t find out now, he was going to find out later. “Shut the fuck _up_ , Erwin,” Levi spat, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt the hands stop moving on him, and Erwin moved them up to cup his face.

“Levi?” the human murmured softly, trying to place a kiss on Levi’s lips. Instead of accepting it, the Amirian turned away. He couldn't. “What's wrong?”

“Please, just…don’t.” Levi looked away, and squeezed his eyes shut. Damn it, why couldn’t Erwin just _get_ it? He should have known. Hell, they all should have known—it wasn’t as if Levi hadn’t been well known on his planet before this. He had fought dozens of battles, and killed thousands of humans. How couldn’t Erwin fucking _know_? 

But the more he questioned, the more confused the human’s face got. It twisted and contortedshowing a sickening amount of concern for him. Levi hated it. Hated how _guilty_ it made him feel. 

“Did I do something?” Erwin asked frantically, quickly sitting the two of them up.

“No, I did.”

The human stopped, hands freezing in place on Levi’s shoulders. “What happened, Levi? Were the troops harassing you again?”

“No, it’s about the general,” Levi whispered, staring at the clothing that hung from Erwin’s body, then the floor. Anything except the human’s face. It was disgusting, to have gotten this far without Erwin knowing. The sin of an entire war stained his hands—he knew what was going to happen. If he had been in the same position, he would have reacted the same exact way.

He was trash, to these people. Trash to his own kind. He didn’t belong, and it seemed like Erwin was the only one who didn’t know it.

“...Yes?”

“From the battle last year. The one that wiped out most of your troops.”

“Levi, did you find out who it is?” Erwin asked, almost in a craze. His eyes widened, as he tried to piece together what his lover was saying. To him, this was amazing. A chance for justice, for redemption. Levi felt his stomach twist. He didn’t want this to happen—if he was the type to cry, he would have been in tears by now. “Why are you so nervous? Tell me who it is, Levi.”

For the longest time, the Amirian looked at him, a sickening feeling beginning to settle in the pit of Erwin’s stomach. Levi tried to tell him without words, but Erwin was too goddamned optimistic and oblivious that it didn’t sink in. The one goddamned time he didn't read enough into the situation. He was always two steps ahead, he was the best planner, the best at predicting battles and success rates of strategies, so how was this the one thing that he couldn’t get his head around? “Levi?”

“Erwin, I'm so sorry.” It sounded stupid, for him to say it. Levi couldn’t look at Erwin. The mark on his chest ached. Was this normal? Or was he just anticipating what was about to come? 

“Why? What's wrong?” Erwin all but groaned, squeezing the other general’s shoulders hard. “Who is it?” He was getting impatient.

Levi inhaled slowly, and looked straight into his lover's eyes. “It's me.”

“That's not funny, Levi,” he managed to choke out, quickly pulling himself off of the bed and stepping away from the boy. “Don't joke about something like that.” But Erwin’s eyes said that he knew it was true, that maybe he had known it all along.

“Erwin, I'm not joking,” Levi muttered, his voice barely audible. God, he wished more than anything that he could have reversed this. He never should have become a soldier, or left his planet. He should have been executed with the others and left to rot, hanging from a tree in the middle of nowhere. “I was one of the four remaining five star generals on Brakomi after Hanji and Pixis left. The last battle that I fought was against the humans at the ship dock closest to our planet. As per usual, the King was put as the figurehead, but you should know by now that they aren't the real plan makers. It’s to cover us, to protect us from the human armies and to hide our identities and procedures from the rebels on our own planet. I've been in charge of strategy and leading the main platoons of soldiers for over five years.”

Erwin’s mouth tried to form some sort of sentence, but all he could do was stare stupidly at Levi. He didn't want it to be real—there was no way he had slept with the man that had almost been responsible for humanity's downfall. Levi shot him a pitiful look, but the Amirian found it almost laughable how disgusting the situation was. He had known all along. He should have stopped Erwin, or more importantly, stopped himself. 

“After the battle, we found out that there was a traitor on our side, which resulted in most of my troops being exterminated. All in all, the losses we sustained were about the same as yours during the battle. I would, no doubt be executed, as the figurehead needed to stay in place. I escaped from there without any of my men, and a few months ago, you found me on your ship.”

The look on Erwin’s face was even more pained than when he had found out about ___’s death.His skin had paled, and he looked like he was about to vomit up whatever he had eaten earlier. He had never thought of Erwin as the type to cry, though he was more open to mourning than Levi. So when he saw tears begin to prick at his eyes, Levi felt himself begin to feel ill. He was a sinner, a fucking mistake. He had done everything wrong, he had hurt someone that he deeply cared about. “Levi,” he finally choked out. “Why?”

“I had to. You _know_ what we have to do during war time to survive. It was either kill, or be killed. We were fighting towards different end goals, so it had to be done. I regret it now, but I was young, and I didn’t have any other option.”

“You're...this isn't true, Levi. You can tell me you’re joking, I won’t be angry.”

But Erwin knew. They had seen each other on the field. It all came back to him. He felt his head spin, and he couldn’t bear to look at Levi anymore. Was he a traitor? No, that implied that he had been on humanity’s side in the first place. “Erwin, I saw you on the battlefield. I killed a human and looked up at you, and—“

“ _Don't_!” Erwin snapped, not even letting Levi finish his sentence. “I can't believe I slept with you!” he hissed, face contorting into something that looked like he was about to weep. Was he sad? To Levi, he looked furious. His body shook, but it didn't look like helplessness to him. He looked like he wanted to strike Levi, to hurt him.Whether or not he actually meant what he was saying, the words hit Levi hard. He felt a stinging in his chest, and everything fucking hurt. That fucking mark burned, and he honestly thought it would be better to tear his flesh off than to leave it.

Still, he tried to remedy the situation. Before he even spoke, as he watched Erwin pace around the room, running his hands through his hair and pulling at his clothes, he knew that it would be useless. The human didn’t want to listen—he wanted to feel hurt, to suffer and to blame Levi for what had happened.

It was only natural. He had spoken against such treatment of warfare, but it was hard to practice it. Words meant nothing, if the speaker didn’t believe them. “Erwin, please calm down, I love—“

“Get _out_.”

“Hey—“

“ _Now_.”

Levi faltered in his composure for just a second. His face crunched up into a pained, aching expression, but he managed to banish it as quickly as it had come. He inhaled, and held his chin high. He was a soldier. He was used to screaming, to loss, to suffering. This was no different, he told himself. No different from the children who lost their parents, or the wives that lost their husbands. No different. So, like all the others before him, Levi turned away from the suffering, and left. The door shut, and he left Erwin to his own thoughts, and his own life, and made his way to the main planning room. Perhaps, it would be best to inform Hanji of the current situation.

Levi’s chest ached, but he twisted his lips into its usual scowl, and he forced himself to endure it. 

 


	2. Alone

Levi passed Erwin in the hall. They made no eye contact, no idle conversation. It was as if they had never met, and most definitely had never been with each other so intimately.

That was the way things were supposed to be. This is the way they should have been all along. Levi working with with Hanji, and Erwin working on his own. Or, that’s what Levi kept telling himself.

Levi hated to watch Erwin go about his day like nothing was out of the ordinary. his chest and joints ached, and sometimes he wanted to cry, while other days he wanted to bash the human’s head in. it was fucking _miserable_. He had made a mistake in his judgement—other generals had warned him, and he had taken them for fools. He thought he was higher than nature, that he could do fucking _anything_. He ran his fingers over the mark on his chest, digging his nails into the flesh. For better or for worse, it would be there for the rest of his life.

“ _Hey, watch where you’re going, fuck toy_.” Levi heard the words before he could look up and get out of the way. An Amirian soldier slammed into him, sending him stumbling backwards. He was strong, but his mass wasn’t exactly in his favor. He caught himself fairly easily, and the collision hadn’t hurt, but he had a short fuse.

“ _Huh_?” He looked up, just in time to have a fist connect with his face. He stumbled back at the impact, a painful sting shooting through his nose and over his face. His hand shot up instinctively, cupping the injured area.

“ _You've been sleeping with that human this whole time, you disgusting whore!_ ” The alien hissed, grabbing the front of Levi’s shirt to pull him back forward. “ _Fuck, you betray your own people, and you go around fucking humans_.”

“ _Let go of me_ ,” Levi warned, completely unaware of the blood that was beginning to drip from his split lip. Anyone else around knew better than to get involved now.

Levi knew that what he was about to do was wrong. He didn’t think about it—he didn't want to. Really, he didn’t _care._ He spun on his heel and grabbed the soldier, swinging him into the air and smashing his head against the ground. The alien cried out, and Levi pinned him to the ground, repeatedly smashing his head against the metal floor. “Mind your own goddamned _business_.” And with one final slam, the man fell unconscious.  
Still, that wasn’t enough. He wanted blood. Was it wrong to kill a soldier when he was down? Levi had done worse, so what did it matter? He reached into his pocket, and pulled out his knife. 

From the corner of his eyes, he saw a flash, and the next thing he knew, he was pinned against the wall, Mike holding him firmly in place. He bared his teeth, screaming and trying to squirm free. Even by Amirian standards, Mike was _huge_. His back screamed for some sort of relief, while his limbs thrashed around until he felt his fist connect with Mike’s jaw, sending the human stumbling backwards.

He needed blood. He needed relief.

Levi shot forward, but didn’t even make it to the unconscious being before being tackled to the ground again. “Levi, calm down.”

Mike’s words were shaky, and his breaths were heavy. At the very least, Levi knew he was putting up one hell of a fight. “I’m going to kill him. Let _go_ of me, I’m going to _kill him_ ,” Levi growled, baring his teeth and hissing at Mike, but had no way to escape.

He stayed on the ground, Mike pinning him down like a child that had been throwing a tantrum.

He tried to catch his breath, and his fingers kept twitching, yearning to finish his fight. But Mike had him pinned down, and he was helpless. His face burned, and he wanted to kill the little fucker that had gotten in his way.

“Stabilize yourself. Calm down.”

Mike was right. Mike knew what was best. 

Levi was known for his short temper—out of all the Amirian generals, he by far had the shortest fuse, and was always the first to snap. He had been in the army too long to be able to put up with a private’s stupid shit, and this was no exception. So when he was all but dragged into Erwin’s office and forced to address his situation, he was absolutely fucking _livid_.

“You attacked one of my soldiers.” Erwin’s voice was flat, with that same, unreadable expression as when they had first met. 

Levi didn’t give a shit about that. All he gave a shit about was the grip Hanji had on him, and the shit show that had just happened. He knew that the troops were a problem before, but now with an obvious rift between him and Erwin, it was bound to get worse. 

“No, I didn’t.”

“Oh? Then what the hell was that incident in the mess hall?”

“It wasn’t one of your men. It was one of Hanji’s,” Levi responded, narrowing his eyes and holding his head up high. “This meeting is useless, and it does not involve you, or your species. I’d like to be dismissed.”

“You…attacked an Amirian.” Erwin tried to mull the words over in his head. No matter how he felt towards Levi, he knew it wasn’t his style to attack other soldiers, especially soldiers that had come from his home planet. “Why?”

“Once again—the matter does not concern you. I’ll discuss any arrangements that need to be made with Hanji. Go back to your maps, Erwin.” He all but threw Hanji out of the room, stomping behind them.

As soon as he was out of the office, he pushed Hanji off of him, and bared his teeth at them. “ _What the hell were you thinking? Of course I wouldn’t involve myself with him.”_ The all too familiar feeling of seething anger prickled in his stomach, fingers twitching to make some sort of strike. It was worrisome, that he was getting this violent.

_“Well, the other troops said it was a human, and I didn’t have time to double check the facts.”_

_“Bullshit. What the hell were you trying to do?”_

_“Nothing, Levi. It was an honest mistake. Why are you having such a hard time with Erwin, all of a sudden?”_

Levi rolled his eyes, to mask the throbbing in his chest. Great, not this again. “ _He found out.”_

_“Ah. I’m sorry, then.”_ No explanation was needed. Hanji turned, and hurried to the mess hall, intent on calming down the troops who were no doubt, still in hysterics.

~~

Levi should have eaten in his office. It wasn’t often that his sixth sense was this strong, and it wasn’t often that he would push it away when it was. But he had eaten with the troops every other day so far, so what made this one any different? He had felt ill after Erwin’s meltdown, but attributed it mainly to the mark in the middle of his chest. It wasn’t something that was happening because of rationality, so it couldn’t have been important.

But Erwin decided to eat there, too, and Levi knew he should have left. 

Instead, when Farlan and Isabel sat next to him and motioned for Levi to sit, he went. They had no idea, and he wasn’t about to break it to them right then and there. He could get through one meal. If he could watch his best friends get put into the ground, or blown to pieces, he could sit through one fucking meal. 

“You look like you’re doing well,” Farlan said, scooping a spoonful of food into his mouth. “You know, everyone’s really excited about the next attack. It’ll be tough, landing on Brakomi, but I think a lot of our troops are supporting us.”

“That’s good,” Levi said, trying to keep his eyes off of Erwin. “Hopefully, we can keep the casualty rate down.”

“Was that ever a concern before?”

Erwin _had_ to be antagonistic. He fucking _had_ to be. Because humans were bitter, humans were spiteful, and hell, Erwin was doing a great fucking job at reminding him.

“Of course,” Levi said in reply, though Isabel rose a brow at the comment. She wasn’t, by any means, as dense as she looked. “We’ll have to make sure our plans are precise, or it could cost us the whole army.”

Perhaps, that was the wrong thing to say. Erwin’s grasp tightened around his fork, and he stared hard at Levi, who focused harder and harder on his food. He should have left, but Isabel would have known, and that was the last thing he wanted to fucking explain right now.

For a moment, he thought that things couldn’t have gotten any more tense. That was, until another soldier slammed him in the back of the head with a tray, making him jerk forward in his chair. Automatically, he spun around to glower at the private, only to find that it had been a completely intentional action. 

“Excuse me?” He managed, somehow, to sound diplomatic.

“Word’s going around that you’re the one that killed most of our men last year.”

“Point?”

“The hell are you here for, then? Go back to your own people.” 

The actions, more than the words were malicious. He was one of the slower human soldiers, who had probably lost most of his friends in the battle. Levi couldn’t blame him for his anger, but he couldn’t exactly brush it off. Not when Erwin was staring hard at him, throwing the blame for an entire war on his shoulders. But thank God, the soldier retreated as soon as Farlan stood up in his seat, more than prepared to take care of whatever would happen.

“Oi, what are you looking at?” Levi hissed, turning his attention towards Erwin. He shouldn’t have responded to the provocation. And hell, there was a lot of things that he shouldn’t have done. But what the hell did it matter?

“I’m observing. You don’t seem to understand their anger.”

“Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been in the same position before.” Isabel frowned, this time exchanging a look with Farlan, who looked more confused than anything else. It was only weeks ago that they had been teasing him about his relationship with the human.

Erwin laughed at this, and Levi could have punched the look off of his face. “You’re arrogant, considering what you’ve done.”

“What _I’ve_ done? There’s a whole fucking war going on right now, and you’re focusing on a battle that happened a year ago. Most soldiers don’t even make it past a year, and they sure as hell didn’t back then.”

“Does that excuse it?”

Levi stood to leave, and began to walk away. He thought that he could remove himself from the situation. But he heard Isabel call his name, and he could practically feel Erwin’s eyes burning in the back of his head. He knew that he should have kept going. But what did it matter at this point? He spun back around, and slammed both hands hard against the table, making Isabel jump back, and Farlan wince. “You want to talk? Come on, come with me,” Levi hissed, and surprisingly, Erwin obliged.

He stomped down the hall, swinging Erwin’s office open none too gently, and all but forcing the human inside. He stood in the middle of the room, face and nose burning. He wanted blood, he wanted to fucking crush something in his hands.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Levi finally screamed, facing the human general. “You don’t fucking get it, do you? You and your fucking human soldiers don’t understand that _both_ sides suffered. Do you think I didn’t lose my best men during that battle? That I _didn’t_ have to flee my own fucking planet, and even worse than that, that I _wanted_ anyone to die? I’m as sick of this war as you are, and the fact that you’re too busy wallowing in self pity to realize that everyone else has suffered just as much is _sickening_ ,”  the Amirian spat, advancing towards Erwin until they were mere inches apart. 

Erwin moved forward again, decreasing the room between the two of them. “You disemboweled one of my best men,” Erwin immediately retorted. “I saw you do it, Levi. Don’t try to speak to me about valuing life,” he said, eyes narrowing at the smaller man. 

“Yeah? And do you know what your soldier did before that? He raped one of my best soldiers, and rammed a fucking knife inside of her before slicing her tits off and letting her bleed to death!” Levi shot back. His hands kept clenching and unclenching, desiring to hit someone, to smash Erwin’s face in, to just _destroy_ something.

That stopped Erwin right in his tracks. “What? None of them would—“

“Just because they treat their fellow humans kindly does not mean that they’ll treat one of our species the same way. I’ve seen it on our side, too, viewing humans as if they aren’t living beings. Humans looking at an Amirian woman and seeing her as nothing but a fucking object to rape and torture is _common_.  Is that acceptable, just because they were one of your ‘best’? If he were one of mine, I would have executed him on the spot.”

Erwin subdued the way his mouth stupidly hung open, and how wide his eyes were. He tried to keep that same leveled out facade that he always maintained in front of the other men. That calm fucking face that always made Levi want to scream. “I’ve seen the way you address your troops—you only encourage them to act like that. As long as it’s for the sake of _humanity,_ what the fuck does it matter?” Levi growled. The stinging that began to bloom in Levi’s chest was hard to ignore, but he cleared his throat and let his hands clench up once again.“You’re fucking impossible. No wonder the human side is so persistent on fighting—your pride is enough of a reason to keep bringing up the death toll. You’re not fighting for humanity, or for life, you’re fighting for _yourself_.” This wasn’t good: someone was going to slip up eventually. The attacks were getting more and more personal, and Levi could tell that both of their tempers were rising.

Still, he was angry. So fucking angry, and he couldn’t stop himself. From the look in Erwin’s eyes, the human was thinking the exact same thing. Damn it, they shouldn’t have started this. His chest stung, and he wanted to throw up. He should have kept himself together like he always had, and acted like it was fine.

But why? 

Why did he have to? It had always been for Erwin. He didn’t give a rip about the humans, and even if most of the Amirian soldiers were a pain in the ass, never once had they gone against him on the field. “Stop acting like such a child, Levi. Considering that—“

He narrowed his eyes. “Drop it, Erwin. What’s been said is disgusting enough,” the Amirian murmured, but instead of moving forward, he stepped backwards, preparing to leave the situation. This was getting out of hand. The rest of it, they could discuss later, if Erwin felt so inclined. 

“ _I’m_ disgusting you?”

“Erwin, please, drop it. We can discuss this somewhere else,” Levi pleaded, with more warning in his voice than anything else. “Don’t—“

“Absolutely not. How the hell am I disgusting when—“

Oh, he knew where this was going. “Erwin, really, don’t,” the Amirian said once more, but he already knew it wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t want to hear it, not now. “Please—“

Erwin moved towards the other general, and seized him by the front of his shirt so he couldn’t escape. That’s what he should have done. He should have ran as fast as he fucking could and got the hell out of there. He should have just removed himself from the situation like any normal, rational being would. “You’ve got a lot of guts, calling me that when you’re the one that wanted me all over you, you fucking _freak_.” 

This wasn’t how Erwin spoke. He was never so disrespectful, not towards any of his soldiers, or even the Amirians that he fought against. He was still upset about Levi’s status in the previous battles. He was doing this out of spite, out of blind rage. For once in his life, Levi had absolutely no idea what to do. He knew what was going on—time and time again, he had been cruel like this, and he could spot it in someone else without an issue. His hand moved up to loosen Erwin’s grip on him, and by some sort of miracle, he managed to pull himself free. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, and could feel his face burning in embarrassment.

Finally, his body reacted. He twisted his body around, and swung his leg up to kick the human in the jaw. As soon as his foot made contact, he squeezed his eyes shut, and waited for him to hit the ground. 

When Erwin looked up at the Amirian, he expected to see Levi’s typical enraged expression. What he saw instead, however, was a helpless, defeated look on the smaller general’s face. There was the slightest hint of tears as they began to well up in his eyes, and it completely threw him off guard. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?” Levi choked out, his voice no louder than a whisper. He took a step back, and his arms withdrew, one cradling itself against his chest while the other moved up to cover his mouth.

Even after everything that had just happened, the Erwin felt guilty beyond belief. He was angry at Levi, he felt hurt by what Levi had done, and he avoided Levi like the plague for the past month or so. But he still respected him as a general, and as a fellow soldier, to the extent that he could. “No, Levi, I didn’t mean—“

Levi’s eyes narrowed, but instead of looking angry, he just looked exhausted. “Why else would you have said it? You’ve never spoken without thinking before,” Levi whispered, before turning on his heel and moving to exit the room. 

He needed to get out. He needed to breathe. The air suffocated him, and the look on Erwin’s face clogged his reasoning. Why? He needed to get out. Out, out, _out_.

Erwin made no move to chase him—with Levi, that would have been a huge mistake. Instead, he just stood there, letting his thoughts linger as he shut the door to his office. Talk about a _huge_ fucking mistake. Not that he should have cared, but Levi looked like his entire world had fallen apart. He hadn’t meant to bring up something so personal in their spat, but something took over him, and he was blind with rage. Seething anger overtook him, and Levi had turned into a monster, almost. Something keeping him from his goals, from the war, from _victory_.

He heard Levi slam what was presumably his fist into the wall, and he cringed. Levi was right. Everything he had said was _completely_ true. Everything about the war, about him. Was that why he had snapped at the Levi? Fuck. Fuck, fuck _fuck_.

He knew that instead of going to his office, he should have been going to apologize to Levi. Instead, he opened his door, went into the office, and spread out map after map on the floor, intent on planning out their next offensive strategy.

~~

Erwin heard his door swing open, and he honestly thought it was Levi. He didn’t now if the other general was there to try and talk to him, or to pick another fight, but regardless, he shot to his feet and went to approach him.

He found, much to his dismay, that it wasn’t Levi at all. Hanji Zoe stood before him, hair even messier than usual, and horrific dark circles underneath their eyes. No papers sat in their arms as they usually, were, which made Erwin tilt his head slightly to the side. “Hello?”

“I’m going to fucking _kill_ you.”

“What?” Oh, no. They had already heard about the incident. Erwin shouldn’t have been surprised—news travelled fast, especially here. “Hanji, look, I made a mistake, I—“

“I think ‘mistake’ is putting it too lightly,” Hanji growled. “I heard everything, and you know who else did? The dozens of troops who were outside your door, listening to you to _scream_ at each other!”

“I should have kept my business personal, I’m sorry that other troops got involved, but—“

“No. _No_. Now is not your time to speak.” Like always, their accent was thicker when they were absolutely livid. And even that seemed to be an understatement. They slammed the door shut, and spun around to slam both hands against Erwin’s chest, sending him tumbling backwards. He only managed to let out a gasp before he hit the ground. Quickly, he scrambled back to his feet, only to be hit again. “Do you have any idea what the hell you just did?!”

Erwin didn’t respond. He knew better than to interject Hanji, especially now.

“You fucking _idiot_! You can’t talk to Levi like that. Not _Levi_ of all people. You’re a fucking bastard, you know that? You can’t throw around his feelings like that, you can’t treat him like he’s shit because of the battle, you can’t _do_ that to him!” 

“I…I’m sorry,” Erwin managed to choke out, but Hanji only rolled their eyes and spat in his direction. 

“You’re disgusting, you fucking human _pig_.”

“This isn’t about the war, is it.”

“Absolutely fucking _not_.” Oh, that wasn’t good. He had never offended Hanji on a personal level, and he had prayed that he never would. The last spat they had ended with the opposing side scattered in multiple pieces all over the ship. Erwin cleared his throat. “I don’t care what you’re fighting for, hell, I don’t care what _side_ you’re on. But you have no authority to talk to my _closest_ friend like that.” 

“Hanji—“

“Do you have any idea what he’s been through? Do you honestly think he _liked_ fighting for our planet? He joined the army because he didn’t want to burden his family anymore, he didn’t have a choice!”

“I saw his face during the battle, there’s no way—“

“Shut _up_! You don’t get it, do you? There’s something _wrong_ with him. Hell, there’s something wrong with _me!_ Normal people aren’t like this, they don’t get a fucking thrill out of killing and torturing. And Levi _knows_ that. Do you know what he was like after that battle? Every time, it’s the same god damned thing. He does it, and he boards himself up for days. He’s tried to starve himself, mutilate himself, fucking hell, you name it, he’s probably tried to do it.”

Erwin stared hard at the ground, and felt his stomach sink. “What?” Hanji struck him across the face, and he accepted it. It stung, but he imagined it was minimal compared to what Levi was feeling.

“Why do you think you didn’t see him that much after the southern security system went down? In Brakomi, I had to drag him along with me for _weeks_ to make sure he didn’t off himself. Why do you think I stuck him with you? I couldn’t work with him, and there was no fucking way that I was going to let him do this shit again by himself again.”

“You told me that the troops were uncomfortable with him.”

“Yeah, do you think that was because they thought he was going to work alone? It was because of his _reputation_. They still didn’t like him, even when he worked with you, and what the hell, now it’s even fucking worse! I should have stuck him back with Isabel and Farlan,” Hanji spat, spinning around to slam their fist into the door. Erwin stepped back when the force was enough to dent the metal in. 

“Hanji, I’ll talk to him, I’ll—“

“Do you think _talking_ is going to fix this? You fucked him, you broke his heart, and the entire army is going to know about it. What the hell do you think words are going to do? Do you think you can woo him like your stupid girls back home? Give me a break, Erwin.” They adjusted their glasses, and crossed their arms over their chest. “I’m going to see Levi.”

Erwin stepped forward. “I’ll come with—“

“ _No_. I don’t want you anywhere _near_ him.”

The door slammed shut as Hanji left, and Erwin sunk to the ground, burying his face in his hands. He should have felt something, but all he could feel was the numbness in his hands, and his stomach twisting into knots over and over again. For the first time in years, he let out a sob. It was dry, without tears, but it was there nonetheless. It wasn’t from self pity, or pain, it was at the knowledge that he had honestly, truly hurt Levi. 

Levi had been his lover, someone that he had absolutely adored. When he woke up, and Levi was there, he felt the uncontrollable urge to smile, kiss him, and remind him that he was important. The general from the war last year had been heartless, a monster that had nearly been responsible for humanity’s downfall.

He still saw those emotions in Levi’s face—the anger, the bloodlust, all of that. But he saw something else. He saw the amount of love that he had for Erwin, and the kindness in his eyes when he talked to Hanji, Farlan, or Isabel. 

Erwin covered his mouth with his hand, and sat himself back up. All he could do now was try to stop that kindness from going out of his eyes.

~~

Levi was barely able to shut the door before letting out a strangled scream. By nightfall, he was positive that every single soldier would know about the incident. Now, not only did Erwin fucking despise him, but now his authority over the rest of the army was potentially threatened. What sort of a soldier would respect him now? He would be portrayed as a whore, which…were they wrong? Levi shook his head. He didn’t have time to think like that.

Why did Erwin have to fucking _crush_ him like that? Now, he could understand why Amirians almost always killed themselves after a failed intimate relationship. They hadn’t exactly been quiet, either, and Levi had opened the door to face at least a dozen other soldiers, all of whom had been eavesdropping on the conversation.

Besides the shit storm that would happen socially thanks to the incident, Levi knew that he would almost constantly feel nauseous, angry, or hopelessly lost. Why didn’t the same thing happen to humans? Amirians were advanced physically, so why couldn’t they be mentally as well?

Thankfully, Erwin hadn’t chased after him—he honestly wasn’t sure about how he would have reacted. Most likely more violently than when they had been in front of the troops. Would he have killed Erwin? He sprawled out on the floor. What did it matter, anyway? 

For what seemed like hours, he paced around his room, sometimes angry, other times curled up in his bed hissing and clicking to himself in an attempt to calm himself down. It wasn’t until he was hungry again that he realized he would need to leave the room and head back over to the mess hall.

No fucking way, he would rather starve.

But as he went to pull the blankets over his head, the sound of frantic knocking filled the room. Goddamnit, why now, of all things? But he was fairly sure of what it was, so he forced himself up, fixed his hair, and yanked the door open.

Sure enough, Five Star General Hanji Zoe was standing at his door. “Jesus, you look like shit,” they said much louder than necessary. “Sounds like you had a rough day, even by military standards.” Hanji looked exhausted, but held two plates of food in their hands, and Levi moved aside for them to enter. “I brought you dinner. I know you well enough to know that you probably don’t want to leave.”

Hanji was loud. Hanji was obnoxious. Hanji was over the top. Hanji was crazy. But Hanji knew Levi better than most people, and sometimes he forgot that. They had, after all, worked together for years before this. it seemed like so long ago—back then, they were nothing more than children, struggling to get through this shit storm of a war. 

“How have your meetings gone? I’m curious to know about the plans you’ve been trying to finish up.”

Hanji, at the mention of the plans, visibly slouched down in her seat at Levi’s desk. “Well, you see, it’s not exactly going…well, I guess.”

Levi nodded. “I’m not surprised. I haven’t been doing any better, unfortunately.”

“How about Erwin?”

Levi’s eyes narrowed.  
“Ah. Perhaps I shouldn’t have asked. I spoke to him earlier, you know.”

He rolled his eyes. “Why would I give a shit?”  
“He feels awful about what happened.”

“If that’s what you came here to talk to me about, then leave. I have no interest in his feelings or his shitty ego,” Levi hissed. He swallowed, and moved the food around on his plate. “ _Thank you for dinner,_ ” he clicked.

“ _Oh, so we’re talking like this, then? Is English no good for what you want to say?_ ”

“ _I don’t want the wrong person to overhear,”_ Levi replied, and Hanji rose a brow.

“ _You’re not talking about Erwin, are you?”_

_“And what if I am?”_

Hanji sighed. “ _I was very angry at him, you know. I haven’t yelled at anyone like that in a long time.”_

Levi shrugged. _“I’d like to say that I appreciate it, but I was also at fault—we shouldn’t have discussed personal matters in front of the troops.”_

_“You didn’t say anything that they didn’t already assume, though,”_ Hanji replied with a shrug.

That wasn’t exactly what Levi had been hoping to hear, but it wasn’t the worst thing, either. He had a mouthful of soup, and sat on the floor. “ _I’ll work on plans tonight. I’m sure I can get them drawn up by tomorrow._ ”

“ _Don’t push yourself. Both sides are still very much at a stalemate.”_

_“But they’re working just as hard as we are, disorganized or not. I can do it, this isn’t the worst thing to have happened to me.”_

_“I think for Erwin, it may be different.”_

_“Why do you keep mentioning him, shit glasses? You know I don’t like it.”_

Hanji shrugged. “ _I think I feel bad. I liked you two getting along.”_

Levi rolled his eyes, and bared his teeth at them. “ _Why would I care what you think about it? He was just trying to use me.”_

_“I don’t think so—he genuinely loved you.”_

_“Well, it doesn’t matter now.”_

_“Did you love him?”_

_“Why else would I be like this? I still love him, and that’s the worst fucking part. It’s inconvenient, and it isn’t fair that he doesn’t have to go through the same fucking thing. I’ll be tormented with this for the rest of my life, and he won’t feel a fucking thing.”_

_“Ah. So you want him to be in pain as well?”_

_“Yes. I guess,”_ Levi murmured. He had another bit of soup, and cleared his throat. “ _What have you heard about the Amirian side?”_

Hanji pulled a few crumpled papers from their pants pocket. It never ceased to amaze Levi both how talented and unorganized the general was. They were talented, no doubt, but how the hell they had managed to get so far…Levi couldn’t wrap his head around it. “ _There are predictions that they’ll make a move next week, and that the planet is fairly ready for any direct opposition to their siege. However, I think that it is unlikely that they will make any sort of advance—after all, they are still very unorganized. As far as specific generals, a Brazilian general on the human side was able to take out General Lombov, which is tremendous in our planning. I think that’s why the siege hasn’t gone into effect yet. They still need a replacement general, so hopefully we can move before that happens. Zacklay has been trying to continue with peace talks, but it seems hopeless at this point. The sooner we act, the more likely it is that we can actually touch Amirian soil.”_

Levi ran a hand through his hair. “ _At this rate, we’re going to have to tear the planet apart.”_

_“Are you willing to do that?”_

_“It’s either us, or them.”_

Hanji stared hard at Levi, continuing to eat their own food. “ _You know, I don’t think you’ve changed very much at all.”_

_“That’s fine by me. At least I’ll be effective.”_

_“What if your plans go against Erwin’s?”_

_“The final decision is not mine. If he needs to discuss something with me, then he can feel free to walk his ass over here and discuss it.”_

Hanji nodded, and took another bite of bread. “ _Stubborn as always.”_

_“I don’t think stubborn is the right word.”_

_“What, is this some sort of shitty defense mechanism?”_

_“I’m doing fine, aren’t I?”_

Hanji laughed. “ _I don’t think so. You look like shit.”_

At that, Levi couldn’t help but laugh. “ _Good, because I feel like it, too.”_

_“Pardon me for saying this, but I’m surprised Erwin didn’t know about your status in the war previous to this.”_

Levi rose a brow. “ _Ah? Well, he didn’t take it very well.”_

_“I can tell. But he should know.”_

“ _He’s remembering everyone that my soldiers killed. Probably some of his best—that battle had a tremendous casualty rate.”_

Hanji nodded. _“Yes, I remember.”_

_“What can be done about it? I can’t change how he feels.”_

His fellow general shrugged, and stood up. “ _Maybe it will pass.”_

_“It makes no difference to me.”_

His friend piled the dinner plates up, and opened the door. “Well, I’ll talk to you at our meeting tomorrow. If you can finish the plans by then, that would be great.”

“Of course. Did you just want to come by and chat?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Hanji said with a wide grin. “You know I love sticking my nose into your business.”

With that, they were off, and Levi shut the door to his room once more, before burying himself in plans. He was thankful for the work—it would give him something to focus on, besides Erwin motherfucking Smith.

~~

Regardless of Levi’s feelings about being around Erwin, they needed to figure out a way to get on Brakomi, and they needed to do it as soon as fucking possible. Landing on Brakomi, assuming it was carried out successfully would immediately roll over into their attack on the capital. 

If they were able to land close enough to the planet’s main city, they could plant bombs, or at the very least, try to take a valuable enough hostage to stall the fighting. 

No, there was no point in hostages—they were getting crazy enough to sacrifice anyone. What did it mean anymore, to be a king? Levi squeezed the bridge of his nose, and sat down at his desk. Thankfully, Erwin hadn’t left his office in days. Hanji must have informed him that Levi wanted next to nothing to do with him. 

Levi didn’t care, the human could sleep in his office, it wouldn’t kill him. 

They couldn’t use a hostage, so they would have to blow the capital to smithereens. It didn’t matter at this point if they had support from the people. They needed Brakomi crippled to the point that its army could be rendered useless, and they would go from there.

Levi shut his eyes, and thought back to his days in the army. The rallies weren’t big enough, they needed something better. Something larger than that. Because of the security systems in the capital they would need to attack while in the city. Any air raids would be deflected easily.

But he had helped to put these things into effect, so he could tear them apart too, right? 

They needed something subtle. Something that they could plant, and leave.

Levi bit his lip. If they could take out the capital’s main building, the explosion would reach the oil lines connected  beneath it. 

He slammed his hands on the desk, and shot himself up and towards Hanji’s office.

Levi burst into Hanji’s office, less than pleased to see that a meeting was going on, but it didn’t matter. “Levi?” 

“I have a plan.”

Levi unfolded the paper, and flattened it against his chest before holding it out in front of him. Since he had entered the room, Erwin hadn’t even attempted to make eye contact, and he was perfectly fine with that. Hanji nodded for him to speak, and leaned back in their chair. 

“We already have the plans for landing, right?”

“Correct.”  
“From there, we’ll initiate our offensive as normal, and try to make a clear path to the capital. Assuming that we’re successful, which I think is entirely possible, someone will have to get into the capital building and plant a bomb. After our troops have been evacuated, the bomb will be set off, and it will ignite the building and the oil supply beneath it.

While Levi spoke, Hanji flipped through the plans they had already made, nodding every once in a while. Double checking to make sure everything lined up, probably. “And if we manage to do that?”

“The oil will ignite, and it should blow half of the city into smithereens.”

“And the civilians?” 

“If we evacuate them, we risk directing our attention from the target building.”

A single nod from Hanji. “Unfortunately, that seems to be our best bet. We were discussing an aerial attack before you came in, but…it would never work,” they murmured, tossing the sheets onto the desk in front of them. “We’re going to have to go on Amirian soil whether we want to or not.”

“Who do you expect to stay on the mainland and plant the explosives? You know that there’s a possibility that we won’t be able to get them back on board,” Erwin cut in. “I don’t think that _any_ of our troops would be willing to attempt this, and the ones that would do it don’t have a chance of doing it successfully.”

Levi scrunched up his nose. “I thought about that.”

“And?”

“I’m going to do it, if there are no other volunteers.”

At this, Erwin nearly choked on his own spit. “Are you crazy? They’ll shoot you on sight, Levi.” 

Levi shrugged. “Perhaps, but the same goes for any of the human troops,” he began, cracking his shoulders before continuing. “It seems the most reliable, considering that I am more than willing to give up my life for any battle that we enter. Not only that, but my fellow soldiers understand that if I must be left behind, that it is for the best, and they will not hesitate to do so.”

“Are you positive?” Erwin asked warily. He knew that the plan would be successful, with Levi carrying it out, but the thought of him being left behind to be executed, or even worse, tortured, didn’t sit right. But the other generals were nodding along with the smaller man, like it seemed to be the best option.

And it was. Erwin knew he was being selfish. He knew that he felt sick like this because he didn’t want Levi to go.

Levi blinked a few times. “Absolutely. You’ve made it clear that you would have no issue with leaving me behind, and I can’t imagine that there would be an issue with anyone else, correct?”

In an instant, all eyes in the room were on the blond, who had adverted his gaze to the table in front of him.“Of course.”

“Good. Is that an affirmative for my strategy?”

Hanji grinned and all but snatched the papers out of Levi’s hands. That would be more than enough to get them started with a proper strategy. “Yes. I’ll speak to you later about the execution, and we should be able to carry it out within a few days, I think. If we’re lucky, we can have everything set to go in two days, and we’ll just beat the planned siege.”

The Amirian nodded once, and saluted. “Excellent. I won’t let you down.”

Levi excused himself, only dully aware of the sound of footsteps behind him as he made his way back to his quarters. “Levi.”

Oh, he knew that voice too damned well. He pushed the door open, trying to slam it shut, but he was too late. An arm was already jutting out to hold the door open. He spun around on his heel, eyes narrowing before he even saw them. “What, Erwin? You have a meeting to attend.”

“Your plan is excellent.”

“You came all the way over here to tell me that?”

“I just…don’t think…”

“You don’t think what? That I should carry out the main portion of it?” When Erwin didn’t say anything, he knew he hit the nail on the head. “That shouldn’t be any of your concern.”

“I’m aware, but—“

“Smith, you’re wasting my time,” he growled, but it hurt to see the way the blond looked at him. He was…worried. Worried about Levi’s well being.

Fuck that.

“Be careful.”

“That’s the plan.”

Levi should have known that something was up, but he didn’t realize exactly what it was until the human general leaned down towards him.

Erwin must have thought he was fine, and tried to lean forward and kiss Levi on the cheek, only to receive a harsh slap, and to find himself with his back against the ground and Levi rushing towards the other side of the room.

“Levi—“

“I’m not your whore.”

“I never said you were.” He tried to speak softly, but his voice shook when he saw how Levi looked at him. 

Levi struck him in the chest. “I am not beneath you, I could _kill_ you.”

Erwin rose a brow. “Could you?”

Levi snarled and turned his back to the human. “Before, I could have.”

“And now?”

“You already know the answer, Smith.”

Cautiously, the human general stood and approached Levi. Erwin’s hand brushed over the Amirian's cheek, hoping for the smaller man to embrace him, or to at least accept the motion. Instead, Levi pulled back and hissed, spewing something in his native tongue followed by a harsh, “Leave me _alone_.”

That caught Erwin by surprise. Amirians were supposed to be emotionally dependent on their partner after sexual interaction. “Levi, you can’t—“

“What? Did you expect something different? For me to come crawling back to you and beg you to fucking love me? _Fuck_ you!” Levi spat, jerking away from Erwin like his touch was poison.

“You’re crazy.”

Levi smirked. “Am I?” 

“Levi, I love you.”

“And I love you, too. But what does it matter?” Levi narrowed his eyes, and let a bitter laugh slip from his throat. “I don't think you understand how this works. Just because I love you does not mean that it will affect how I treat you,” the Amirian stated flatly. “There are more important things on both of our plates, and realistically, one of us will probably end up dead by the time this war is over, anyway,” Levi continued with a shrug. 

“Are all of your people like you?”

Levi licked his lips. “I don't understand.”

“You seem so...uninterested. Humans obsess over relationships. It's all they ever think about once one starts to develop. And here you are, pushing it aside like it’s nothing,” Erwin explained the best he could. He had never seen anyone act like Levi, even amongst the other Amirians.

“I never said any of those things. I think about it every second, and it hurts. Whenever someone I consider to be competition gets near you, I feel furious. But, what can I do? This isn't normal life, this is a war. You don’t respect me, and you do not wish to have a serious relationship with me. That being said, I'm not about to sacrifice my men or yours simply because I'd like to be with you.” he replied nonchalantly. “There’s no point in obsessing over someone who does not give me the same respect that I give myself.”

That hit Erwin right in the gut. “Does it hurt?”

“Incredibly so.”

“How do you get by?”

“You act like I’m completely dependent on you. Get the fuck over yourself, I’ve lived without you for twenty three years, so why should now be any different?”

This was why Levi had become a general at such a young age. This was exactly why he had been so successful. He was going to do whatever it took to advance, and not even love or companionship was going to stop him. Looking now, Erwin could see how tired the younger general was. His eyes yearned for sleep, along with some kind of comfort. The war was obviously tearing him apart, but even more so than the other soldiers.

The Amirian stepped further away from Erwin, and turned, back facing him, and in response, Erwin seized him by the wrist. “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth.”

“Do you think an ‘I’m sorry’ will fix my reputation, or how much I’m harassed by both my troops and yours? Or that you publicly disgraced me in front of the entire army, with no sort of consideration for how _I_ felt about it, or the fact that _you_ were the one that kept pursuing me in the first place?” The alien hissed something under his breath, and frowned. “It doesn’t matter, in the long run. I should have known better,” Levi murmured. “I don’t blame  you.”

Erwin sighed, and loosened his grip, but Levi didn’t pull away. The guilt bloomed in his chest, aching and pulling at him.  “Is that true?”

The Amirian stayed silent for a long time before looking back at his former lover. “I’m not sure.” Without anything else to say, he motioned towards the door, and Erwin took the hint. The human left him alone to the silence of his thoughts and the sound of his pen scratching against paper.

~~

Levi’s eyes snapped open, and he shot up in bed. His legs moved him across the room so that he could flip on the lights and try to flood himself with reality. His chest heaved, trying too hard to breathe, and he could feel that same, all too familiar cold sweat covering his body. 

He hated sleeping. He fucking _hated_ sleeping. Almost every time, he went through this. 

Erwin was in the bed beside him—he must not have gotten back too long ago, but he was snoring softly, blankets pulled up to is chin. Thank God, he didn’t wake up. Levi thew his shoes on, and slips out of the room, turning the light of behind him.

It was one thing to have a nightmare with his deceased friends and family tormenting him. It was another to have someone still living in there. Of course, they were there, and he was used to it. The guilt that welled up in his chest was something he could always push away. He could try to subdue his feelings towards the war, towards everything that had happened.

Still, even though he was awake, Levi could see Erwin’s form lunging towards him, choking the life out of him. He felt the sting of a knife in the middle of his chest, tearing him apart. He stumbled into the bathroom and threw up the water in his stomach until his eyes burned and his face tingled.

Erwin’s eyes had that same look as when they had had their screaming match. That hardened, loathing expression that Levi understood now. It was hatred, intolerance, malice.  
Levi shuddered, and shot his hands up to his throat. He was fine, he was breathing. He was fine. Alive, unharmed, _fine_. 

He shook his head, and went to the mess hall. Most people aren’t awake, thank God, and he sat in the uncomfortable silence of the room, tapping his foot against the floor. Levi knew that he was shaking, but he convinced himself that it’s because this stupid ship is always too damned cold. Nothing to do with the stinging mark burned into the center of his chest, and certainly nothing to do with his dreams.

If there was one thing Levi hated more than sleeping, it was dreaming. It was a reminder of the past, and a warning for the future. He was too fucking messed up to sleep right, and he knew that. He would rather barely function than get a good night’s sleep and let his unconscious mind take over. 

But for a moment, he faltered. He thought it would hurt more to stay awake, and dragged himself into bed to try and get a full night’s sleep.

Stupid. Stupid, stupid, _stupid_.

He heard footsteps, and knowing his luck, it would be Erwin. Levi took a deep breath, and prepared himself, so that he wouldn’t be surprised when the human turned the corner and made eye contact with him. 

Thankfully, it was another soldier that couldn’t get himself to sleep, and he passed through the mess hall without a word. 

It was like Brakomi all over again. No one to keep him in check and make sure he didn’t work himself to death. Levi let his eyes shut, and he felt himself drifting off against the wall, crumpled up on the floor like a rag doll. It was almost exhilarating, to suffer. He was paying for his sins before he got to hell, and there was something to it that seemed right.

This level of dependency made Levi want to tear his own throat out, or at the very least watch himself bleed. It wasn’t healthy, he knew that, but what choice did he have anymore? It made him sick to look at Erwin. Was he mourning the loss of his freedom, or was he just fucking pissed?

Levi picked himself up off of the ground, afraid that he would settle back into his dreams. He was a soldier. If he could go through battle after battle and send soldiers to die, he could deal with whatever illusions his subconscious threw at him. He rolled his tongue over his lips, exhaling a dry, shaky breath.

Hanji would be awake. 

He didn’t know what he was going to say to them, but he marched over to their office and pushed the door open, thankful that the lights were open and Hanji was still sitting in the middle of the room, staring at the papers that were sprawled out everywhere.

“Oh, Levi. Come in.”

“English?”

“Practicing for the address later.”

Levi nodded, and sat down across from them. “You’re up late.”

“As are you.” Hanji pulled their knees up to their chest, and sighed. “Look, Levi, if you’re here to talk about plans, I can’t do it.”  
“Huh?” He knew it sounded stupid, but it was the first noise that came out of his mouth, and he couldn’t stop it. “What do you mean?”

“I’m exhausted. I’ve been up for days, and we aren’t getting anywhere. I can’t fucking figure out how to get onto Brakomi right now, I can’t even think.”

“Go to bed, then.” It sounded stupid, especially when he knew that Hanji was keeping themselves up for the same reason as he. He sat next to them, and stared at the ceiling. This was something that had happened all too often at home. The two of them were stuck between working themselves to death or letting their minds do it for them. 

“You should know better. Do you want a cup of tea?” 

“No, I had water.”

Hanji nodded, and stacked the papers back together. “Is Erwin still working?”

Levi shook his head. “He’s asleep.”

“Lucky bastard.”

“Perhaps. I was sleeping earlier, as well.”

“And now you’re here,” Hanji murmured. “You had another nightmare, didn’t you.” When Levi said nothing, they sighed. “You didn’t want to work on the plans at all, did you?”

“If you wanted to, I would have.”

Haji pursed their lips, and stared at the ground. “You would have gone to Erwin before.”

“So? Who gives a fuck. I”m here, so that shit doesn’t matter.”

Hanji shrugged. “I still feel bad.”

“It’s not your problem.” Levi shut his eyes. “What will we do, if we immobilize the capital?”

“Either fight from above the planet, or on it.”

“Suicidal, either way.”

“It’s almost over.”

Levi snorted. “That’s what they said twenty years ago. Who knows how long this will go on for.”

Hanji paced around the room, slipping their glasses on and off whenever they looked at Levi, or opened their mouth to speak. “Everything’s going to hell, Levi.”

“And we’re going right along with it all.” Levi couldn’t remember back what it was like to live normally with his family, and supposed that probably, he never had. It was him and his mother for a few years, then chaos. Hanji, very much, was the same way.

“I wanted to be a scientist. Who knew I’d end up here?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “That should be the least of your worries. I’d be more worried about my head.”

Hanji’s mouth twisted into a demented sort of smile, and he had to look away. “That shit’s not going to kick in until after the war, though. And you know we probably won’t make it that long.”

“That’s what I keep telling yourself. But we always make it through. _Always_.”

“There are exceptions to every rule, you know,” Hanji pointed out, and Levi smirked. “If you die before me, though, I’m going to be pissed.”

“The same to you, shit glasses.”


	3. Loss

Levi let Isabel kiss him on the cheek as they put their gear on. She held his hand tight, and Farlan had his arm wrapped around her shoulders. “ _You’ll make it back, Levi. You always do.”_

_“Don’t talk like that. It doesn’t matter, as long as everything works,”_ Levi murmured, but ruffled her hair. “ _Be careful.”_

She laughed, and it made Levi’s heart tighten ever so slightly. She was too careless. He knew she would try to take his place, since they weren’t fighting together. They would escort him to the capital, and that was it. “ _Hey, hey, we can handle ourselves now, right, Farlan?”_

_“Yeah, no reason to worry, we’ve got things under control. Hell, maybe we’ll move up a rank if we pull this off well.”_

Levi rolled his eyes, but let himself smile. It always lingered in the back of his mind, that it might be the last time he saw any of them. The soldiers around him could be gone at any second, and that stung. “ _Really, be careful. I’m not even sure how we’re going to make it back.”_

_“We’ll do it. We always do,”_ Farlan said with a shrug. “ _We’re going to start landing soon, they confirmed that the security port fell._ ”

Levi tried to keep that thought in his head. It was true, for every battle they threw themselves into, the three of them always managed to survive, whether they wanted to or not. He nodded, and clapped Farlan on the shoulder. His guns were loaded, his gear was on, and the detonator was in his pocket. 

This was too low tech, too risky. He knew that, and he should have planned for it better. But the rebel group insisted on doing things the hard way, as to not get their information spread. That’s why they had used paper instead of normal technology, and refused to communicate extensively through methods that had long ago become the norm.

It was too late to regret, though. The bump of hitting Brakomi’s land shook the ship, and their doors opened. 

The front line of soldiers had already been let out, but Levi had no idea where they had landed in relation to the capital building. Isabel and Farlan charged out first, while he followed close behind. He hated not being able to go out first with the other soldiers, but now, he was essential to the plans. He needed to get to the capital building, and he needed to stay alive long enough to plant the bomb. 

Levi kept himself moving, despite what he saw around him. The capital was completely different. It had only been a few months, but the contrast was easily visible. What had once been a shining city was run down, and they seemed unprepared for the attack. Still, there were shots coming from every direction, and Levi was surprised that he hadn’t already gotten a bullet in his skull. 

Either this was going to be easy, or they were planning something bigger. Still, there were soldiers everywhere. That shouldn’t have surprised Levi—most soldiers came here when they were off duty. 

They, by some stroke of luck, had managed to land behind the capital building, putting them practically at the entrance.

The problem wasn’t so much getting _to_ the building, but getting in and down to the storage units.  
It was that all too familiar scent of smoke and burning flesh that always got to him. He wasn’t wearing his general uniform, but that shit didn’t matter here. They’d recognize him on sight.

Isabel took out one of the guards, and Levi shot past her, ensuring that no one would attack them upon entering. It wasn’t right, though. Something was off. When they stepped into the building, there wasn’t a sound save for their footsteps on the ground. 

“Did our troops already come through here?” Isabel whispered. None of them knew what was more dangerous at this point, using English, or Amirian.

“No, they couldn’t have made it this far yet.”

“Where is everyone, then?”  
“There’s no bodies. Our troops haven’t been here yet,” Farlan pointed out.

Oh. _Oh_.

Levi grabbed the two of them by the collars of their shirts, and pulled them back. “Get out of here, I’ll finish this on my own.” 

“What? We’re supposed to—“

“Forget the plan. Get the hell out of here, and I’ll take care of it.”

“What’s up, big bro?” Isabel sputtered, holding her gun up just in case. “What’s wrong?” 

“Something’s not right. It shouldn’t be like this.”

“That’s why we’re here, to make sure that you get downstairs.”

“I don’t think the concern is going to be getting down there, I think it’s going to be getting out.”

“What?”

“Look around, Isabel. Where is everyone? They’re not fighting—they wouldn’t leave the king’s property unattended. There aren’t guards, hell, there aren’t even bodies. ”

Farlan seemed to get the message, thankfully, and grabbed Isabel by the arm. “Let’s get out of here.”

“But—“

“He said he’d take care of it. We’ll assist the troops.”

This would be a short battle, everyone was aware of that. All they needed was for Levi to get downstairs, and they could start evacuating. As soon as they were out the door, he broke into a run. The faster he could get this thing downstairs, the better.

It looked like no one had touched the oil supply in months. Dust and cobwebs spread out over nearly everything Levi saw, and for once, he was thankful for that. He slipped the detonator under one of the larger pipes, and prayed that it was on. 

Now, to get out.

He flipped the switch to turn on the oil flow just in case, and bolted back up the stairs, and sure enough, the all too familiar sound of alarms stung his ears. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. At the very least, Isabel and Farlan had gotten out. They would get back onto the ship, they would be safe.

By now, they should have started the retreat. 

If he was lucky, he could get back on board, but he had accepted his fate either way. If he didn’t make it, it was no big deal. Hopefully, they would just shoot him instead of taking him captive. The last thing he wanted was for that public execution to come around and bite him in the ass. 

He heard shots behind him, and hell, he was so fucking close to the door. Turning around would have been the death of him, so he kept pushing forward. In his time away from Maulita, however, he forgot that the doors locked anytime the alarms went off. 

“ _Levi!_ ”

Levi froze at the sound of the voice. “ _Petra_?” He turned around, and saw the ginger hair before anything else. Followed by that was the sight of a gun pointed right at him. One of the best members of his special operations squad on Maulita. It was a wonder that she hadn’t been executed yet.

“ _You shouldn’t be here.”_ Her expression was cold, but eyes soft. She was growing up, and the stress of war was beginning to show on her face. She was exhausted, at the very least, and he felt bad. He had forgotten about his team after he had left. 

“ _Petra, look, you have to get out of here._ ”

“ _Why? What’s going on_?” 

_“There’s troops outside, but if you stay inside, you’re going to…you’re not going to make it._ ” Regardless, he knew she was probably going to  go up in flames with the rest of the city, but he could try. Maybe, he could save her.

“ _Levi, why are you here_? _What are you talking about? Are you responsible for the fighting outside?_ ” 

He knew it was a mistake to let his guard down around her. She was kind, but she wouldn’t put aside her job for him. Her hand brushed against his wrist, and latched on. 

“ _Let go, Petra._ ” He tried to pull away, but she only held on tighter. “ _Petra, you need to leave. I can’t explain, but you need to get_ out _. Where’s Eld and the others? They need to get out.”_

_“Levi, you know what has to happen now, right?”_

_“You can turn me in or whatever the hell you want later, but right now we need to fucking leave.”_

_“I’ll take you outside. The other generals are there.”_

Not that that, in the long run, would do much good. He knew what would happen as soon as that bomb went off, and the last thing he needed was one of his previous comrades to be blown to smithereens right in front of his eyes.

He had no idea when it would go off, or who even had the means to set it off. He had been given one task, and that was to plant it. He didn’t have time to wait around for her to get them out of here. It was only one hand that was out of commission. He could have pulled a gun on her, but she already knew he wouldn’t shoot.

Levi scanned the room. He could get out through the window. He would have to shoot the glass out, and he would probably get cut up, but it was better than waiting around to get blown to bits.

She flinched when he pulled out the gun, and that was enough for him to pull away, and fire right at the window.  
The sound of crackling glass filled his ears, and he threw himself, shoulder first, into it. 

For a moment, he didn’t expect her to follow. But this was Brakomi—if she let him get away, it was her neck on the line. 

He hit the ground, outside of the building, and her hand locked back around his wrist. He managed to get up, but not out of the grip. Nothing. He could have given up. He could have just let himself die, like he deserved to. It would have been easy, to let his life slip away. He scanned the area before him that was now littered with dead soldiers, and blood that seemed to make the planet’s ground scream. 

Most of the survivors had started to retreat. It couldn’t have been more than two hours since they landed. Most of them were either safe, or dead. That being said, Levi caught a movement in the corner of his eye, followed by an all too familiar body fighting what looked like at least three or four Amirian soldiers. 

He could have let himself die, but Mike was struggling. Mike was still alive, and he wasn’t back on the ship. He had obviously been shot, and he wasn’t gong to make it back if there wasn’t interference.

He had two options—either shoot Petra, or figure out another way to get the hell out of there. The former really wasn’t an option. They had been together too long, fought with each other through so much. He could only hope that in the end, she felt the same way.

He let the gun fall from his hand, and slipped his knife out from his sleeve. If an animal could figure its way out of a trap, so could he. It would hurt, sure, but what other option did he have.

Levi squeezed his eyes shut until they hurt, and without hesitation, sliced his hand off. Thank God, Petra stumbled back, dropping the severed part of his body. He scooped it up and shoved it into the pocket of his uniform, and grabbed the gun soon after. 

If he could save just one more person. If Mike could get back on that ship with his body still in tact, he could rest easy. 

~~

Erwin wasn’t sure how the hell he had managed to get back on the ship. He couldn’t see straight, and he was sure that he was bleeding everywhere, but he kept walking, determined not to pass out yet. He wasn’t sure who had gotten back yet, but there was chaos amongst the troops, rushing their wounded comrades to and from the hospital wing. 

Damn, he had really gotten injured this time. Everything happened quickly, one minute he thought he was walking, and the next he was sitting down with stitches all over him. 

Where was everyone else? He had felt the ship take off again, so the mission had to have been over. Did Levi make it? What about the other generals? He knew for a fact that Hanji was safe, but that’s it. They had passed him in the hospital wing, after he had regained most of his senses.

“Have you seen Levi?” he asked, and Hanji only hardened their expression.

“No.”

“We left already. What if he didn’t make it?”

“Then he didn’t make it. There’s nothing else to be said.” 

Erwin pursed his lips, and got to his feet to follow Hanji into the meeting room. They would recollect there, to count who had made it and who had perished. He knew that a lot of letters would have to be sent out after this one, but he, like always, pushed that to the back of his mind.

“Nanaba, Moblit, and Isabel and Farlan were recovered.”

“What do you mean ‘recovered’?”  
“I’m not sure if the last two will make it. Nanaba and Moblit didn’t require immediate attention.”

“And the others?”

Hanji shook their head. “Later.”

“So Mike and Levi are the only ones we’re waiting on?” 

“As far as higher ranking generals are concerned, yes.”

“You’re worried.”

“For Nanaba’s sake, yes.” Without Mike or Levi, it felt like they had lost the majority of their troops, though it was far from the truth. 

As if on cue, the door to the meeting room swung open, and Mike came stumbling in, shirtless and dragging a barely conscious, bloody figure in with him. In his free hand was his shirt, which was soaked and now wrapped around what looked like a severed limb. 

“I don’t know how much blood he’s lost, but the hospital wing is full,” Mike blurted out, placing the wounded soldier on the ground. Mike was never one for talking, and he was on the same level as Levi when it came to unnecessary conversation. But now, his eyes were wide, his breathing was erratic, and words just kept coming out of his mouth. When the unconscious soldier was flipped over, Erwin and Hanji immediately shot out of their seats and ran over.

“Holy shit, I thought Levi was dead. Where did you find him?!” Hanji all but screamed, diving to the ground to get a better look at their fellow general. 

-

Erwin should have known this would happen. After all, he had talked to Mike about it only hours before their deployment onto Brakomi.

“You must be very happy that Levi figured out a potentially successful battle strategy.” Mike said, popping open a beer from the case he kept hidden in his room. 

Erwin shrugged, and leaned back in his chair. “I suppose.”

“If I were in your situation, I would be.”

“What do you mean?”

Mike smiled halfheartedly. “Are you concerned about the strategy itself, or is it just that some of the details are unfavorable?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Of course you are,” Mike shot back, the same smile still on his face. “You don’t want Levi to carry out the largest portion of the mission. Is it because you don’t trust him, or because you don’t want him to be left behind?”

Erwin stared for a long time before laughing softly. “We need to be prepared to make sacrifices,” he murmured. Of course he was scared shitless at the thought of Levi dying during the battle, or worse, getting stranded on Brakomi to be tortured and executed.

“I know you don’t believe that. Are you going to wait until he’s dead to admit it?” 

The blond sighed. “If he dies, I won’t be able to forgive myself.”

“And why not? You haven’t spoken to him outside of our meeting in weeks.”

“Because I made a mistake,” Erwin replied simply. “He doesn’t want me to speak with him.”

“Are you talking about your fight in the mess hall?”

Erwin smirked. “What else? I broke his heart and humiliated him in front of thousands of people.”

“You said you didn’t care.”

“I was angry.” And that was true—at the time, he hadn’t cared. But now, he would have given anything to erase their fight. 

“Ah. So, you love him, is what you’re saying. You still love him.”

“What does it matter?” Erwin replied sullenly. “He doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I can’t blame him.” Of course, any normal being would feel the same way. 

Mike sighed, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he comes back alive.”

“Mike, you were given specific instructions for this strategy. Don’t go out of line over something trivial.”

The other general shrugged. “Erwin, certain chess pieces are more important than others, especially in this war.”

-

Mike cleared his throat. “I was surrounded, and I saw Levi on the way back to his ship. He turned around, and I thought he would keep going, but he started heading towards me, and…well, he saved me.” He sighed softly. “Even for him, there were too many soldiers. His hand got severed, and he got other wounds, and started to pass out from the blood loss. Before he passed out, he was livid—he kept screaming for me to leave him behind.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. But I didn’t think you’d be able to forgive me if I left him, especially if there was a chance that I could save him,” he murmured, glancing up and making brief eye contact with Erwin before focusing back on the unconscious general. 

“Were you injured?” Erwin inquired, as Hanji felt for a pulse on Levi’s body, and examined the injuries. 

“A couple of bullets grazed me—no big deal. But you’d better get him fixed up fast, I’m not sure how long he’ll last like this,” Mike murmured, while Hanji leaned over Levi, pushing down on his chest in an attempt to keep him breathing.

“I need my supplies. I’m going to have to operate on him here.” Before Erwin could even open his mouth to protest, Hanji was hissing and clicking to herself, already halfway out the door. 

He felt…oddly useless, for once. Mike and Hanji moved around the room, doing everything they could to ensure Levi’s survival, and all he could do was stand there, staring at the Amirian’s unconscious, heavily bleeding form. 

He always thought that, if Levi were to go down in battle, he would be able to help. He would have been able to save him, and to get the two of them back to a secure place.

It made his body ache, to know that it wasn’t the case here.

Hanji was back in a matter of seconds, throwing open a beat up old bag to reveal surgical thread, syringes, and bottles of god knows what. “I’ll have to stitch the hand back on, and use medication to make it work again. He’ll have to have some sort of anesthetic, I don’t want him to wake up halfway through this.” 

Mike nodded, and cleared a spot on Levi’s arm for the shot. It would slow down his bloodflow enough for Hanji to perform the surgery and start to get the wounds healed up. They spread a small amount of serum around the major wounds. Within the hour, they would scar over and heal.

Ten minutes. That’s how long Hanji had to wait before they could start operating. 

“He threw a fit.”

“I’m surprised.”

“He expected to die out there, Erwin.”

Said human nodded. “I know. I think he tried to.”

Mike buried his head in his hands, and listened to the sound of Hanji preparing everything for the operation. “He saved my life,” he said with a laugh. “But I think he wanted to kill me when I dragged him along with me.”

“He’s insane.”

“No, he’s just done with the war. He doesn’t want to do it anymore.”

Erwin took a deep breath. “None of us do.” 

He saw Levi’s eyes flutter open, and scrambled over to him. _Never_ had he been so relieved in his life. Hanji, on the other hand, cursed loudly and slammed their hand against the ground. “Erwin, hold him down.” 

The blond quickly reacted, springing forward to pin down the smaller man’s legs and arms with his body. “What’s wrong with him?” Levi seemed to be barely conscious, eyes moving around every once in a while like they were trying to adjust to where he was.

“I think he’s about to freak out. The stuff that I used sometimes have side effects similar to taking illegal drugs. It’s all we have right now—the better anesthetics are in the hospital wing, and we don’t have time to get them,” Hanji explained, adding another stitch to Levis hand. “Just…try and distract him. He can’t feel the surgery, but I don’t think it’s best for him to look at what’s going on right now.” All Hanji needed to do was reattach the hand, and put a serum on the wound to rejuvenate the nerves. and reconnect the bone and tissue.

“Can we put him back under?”

“It might interfere with what we already used on him.”

Erwin sighed softly, and looked down at the general. “Levi, are you okay?” A stupid question, but it was the first thing that came out of his mouth. “Try and say something.”

For a while, Levi stared. His body shook, despite the other generals holding him down, and his face contorted several times before a loud sob shook his body. “I’m so sorry. I’m _so fucking sorry_ ,” he gasped out, barely able to breath through the violent series of sobs that were leaking from his throat. Erwin heard Hanji curse, and slam Levi’s arm hard against the ground before continuing with the operation. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He kept repeating the same apology over and over, but he never cried. It was just dry sobs, and coughs that sputtered out of his mouth every once n a while. 

“Levi—“

“It’s all my _fault_ , I couldn’t stop him, I really tried, I’m so sorry,” Levi choked out, still repeating the same apology in between violent gasps for air. “I really tried, please just fucking _killl me!_ ”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Erwin asked as softly as he could manage. How many casualties had there been? He hadn’t even gotten a chance to look.

“He was one of yours, they tried to take me captive so I cut off my hand to try and help him, and he fucking _got in the way_ to make sure I escaped,” Levi explained, voice so choked up by the sobbing that Erwin could barely understand it. That didn’t make any sense.

“…Levi, are you talking about Mike?” the blond inquired, absentmindedly brushing a few strands of hair out of the Amirian’s face. Hanji was almost done with his hand, thank God. 

Levi screeched, a noise that made Erwin wince, followed by another violent series of sobs. “I’m sorry, it was all my fault, I would have rather died than him, I just… _I’m sorry._ ”

“Mike’s still alive, Levi. He brought you back to the ship, it’s fine, he’s alive,” Erwin murmured, while Hanji pulled the serum out of their medical bag and squeezed it onto a gauze pad to apply to Levi’s wound. 

“He was your _best_ friend!” Levi choked out, and that caught Erwin by surprise. Was _that_ why he was so upset? 

All he could do was hold Levi down and run his hands through his hair while the smaller general writhed and sobbed beneath him. It killed him, that he couldn’t do anything, and it killed him that this was all because of him.

Mike looked at Erwin, and shook his head. “He’ll pass out eventually.”  
Until that happened, though, Erwin wanted to puke at the sight before him.

~~

As he left the room, following the stretcher that carried Levi’s unconscious form, Erwin caught sight of Nanaba locked in Mike’s arms. They whispered to each other, and Nanaba seemed relieved, like a weight had been lifted off of her chest.

He looked away, and focused on Levi’s chest. He was breathing, thankfully, but he can’t help but think how quickly that could stop. This time, he hadn’t lost his best. Mike and Levi were still breathing. Moblit had made it back, as well as Armin, Jean, and most of the newer troops.

Isabel and Farlan hadn’t been as lucky. He remembered seeing their mangled forms being rushed to the hospital wing. It honestly looked like they had long since died, but Hanji absolutely insisted that they be treated.

They were, last he heard, still breathing. He doubted that would last long, but he knew why they were going through such lengths to try and ensure their survival. Hanji knew what Levi would be like if the two of them perished. And now that Levi was alive, they were going to do everything they could to make sure that he woke up peacefully, without tragedy looming over his head.

Erwin felt horrific, that he hadn’t gone through the same lengths for Levi. Instead, he had pushed him away and crushed him. Used him like a toy, and left him for dead.

He nodded at Hanji when they passed in the hall, and they grabbed him by the sleeve, stopping him. “If he leaves your sight, I’ll kill you,” Hanji muttered into his ear, and let go, letting the general go on his way.

He blinked a few times, and followed the lower ranking generals into his quarters, where they put Levi on his bed. A few nods, and they were gone. 

Knowing that Hanji was more than serious about their threat, he pulled up a chair, and slumped down into it, waiting for Levi to wake up.

~

Levi blinked his eyes open. His head throbbed, and the entire left side of his body ached. He was, no doubt, in his room, but everything seemed too bright, too heavy. Still, he tried to sit up, only to have a hand clamp onto his shoulder, and gently push him back down. “Huh?” he sputtered groggily. He could have said something better, but his mind still wasn’t working, and a large part of him wanted to drift back to sleep. 

“Don’t push yourself.”

“Push myself? I’m fine,” Levi finally said, but that was bullshit. He looked up, and saw Erwin sitting next to his bed. He should have felt happy, but he fucking hated it. How long had he been sitting there? How much time had he wasted, just to make sure that Levi was all right? And fuck, why did he even care? “You have work to do. Go away.”

“We’ve already finalized our next plan of action, and we have several backups.”

Levi thought to himself for a long time. “Was I unconscious?” A stupid question.

“Yes.”

“For how long?”

Erwin simply shrugged in reply.

That was more than enough to piss Levi off. He jerked up, this time too fast for Erwin to stop him. He inhaled sharply at the pins and needles that seemed to shoot through his body, but he ignored it, and glared at the human general. “Fuck you, how long have I been out?”

“I don’t know, maybe a few days?”

“What…was our plan successful?”

“You pulled it off flawlessly.”

“Obviously, I didn’t.” The venom hung in Levi’s voice, and he could have sworn that he saw Erwin wince. “What about the others? How many casualties?”

Erwin sighed, and slumped down in his seat. “Ten percent of our troops were lost. All of the generals survived.”

“We could have done better.”

“There’s always room for improvement. But it was a success.”

Levi sighed. “I suppose I’ll have to live with that.”

Erwin reached out and placed his hand on Levi’s, and the Amirian ignored him. “Do you need me to get you any medications?”

“I’ve dealt with worse.” That was a blatant lie, but Levi wasn’t about to accept any sort of help. “Please stop touching me. You know it makes me uncomfortable.” He had to force the words out—he wanted nothing more than for Erwin to hold him, to tell him that things would be alright. But he was a soldier, so he would swallow all of that and let it slip away. He was foolish, for letting this man get so close to him. “I want to take a shower.” He swatted Erwin’s hand away like he used to, and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He would have to be careful, moving over to the bathroom.

“Levi, wait—“

“I don’t need to hear your bullshit right now, I— _FUCK_.” He let out a pained screech that Erwin wasn’t sure any being could make, and sank to the ground, arms wrapped around his midsection. His forehead was pressed against the cool metal of the floor, and Erwin stayed seated, not entirely sure of what to do. “Holy _shit._ ”

“I was going to tell you to be careful, because your body still hasn’t healed yet,” Erwin said flatly. He watched Levi for another moment before getting up out of the chair and approaching him. “Do you want help?”

“No.”

The human sighed, and kneeled down, letting Levi use him as a support so that he could get onto his feet. “Come on, I’ll help you into the shower.”

“I don’t need your help.” But Levi didn’t push him away, and the two of them entered the bathroom at a painfully slow pace. It was stupid, to be crippled like this. He had made it back after everyone else, so he was last on the list for medical attention. Until the doctors could give him a proper examination and care, he was stuck like this.

He was, at the very least, thankful that this wasn’t a permanent condition. 

“Will you be able to stand in the shower by yourself?” Erwin asked, absentmindedly moving to unbutton Levi’s shirt. When he felt the Amirian tense up, he froze. 

“I’ll sit on the ground.”

“And how will you get yourself out?”

“I don’t want you in here while I shower.”

“But you need _someone_ in here.”

“It’s not like I’m going to drown myself.”

“Maybe not on purpose.”

Levi rolled his eyes. He wanted to spit in Erwin’s face, but he didn’t. He let the human continue to strip him of his clothing, until he was left in nothing but his boxers. It was the first time he got to have a real look at his wounds. His arm was stitched all the way from his elbow to his wrist, and there were a slew of red, sloppily stitched up wounds on his torso and thighs. “Damn, no wonder everything hurts.”  
Erwin tried to laugh, but it came out as a painful, forced sort of noise that Levi couldn’t help but grimace at. He leaned to the side, and turned the water on. “But you’re still breathing.”

“Whatever.”

“How are you feeling.”

“Physically?”

“Whichever.”

“None of your business.” He turned away, and didn’t look back until he heard the all too familiar sound of clothing hitting the floor. “Hey, asshole, what are you doing?” But as soon as the words came out, and his eyes locked on Erwin’s body, he wished they hadn’t. He hadn’t exactly gotten out of the battle scot-free either. His right arm looked emancipated at best, but it was still attached, and surprisingly functional. “Jesus, what the hell happened to you? Fucking put your clothes back on.”

“I ran into some trouble on the way back to the ship, but I figured Hanji would be pissed if we both ended up dead.”

“A fair assumption.” He felt uncomfortable, being so exposed in front of Erwin, though he was in the same state. Levi wanted to shrink into the corner and hide himself in an attempt to protect his already far gone dignity. This was different than when they slept together. That was intimate, this was…gross. Still, Erwin ignored his obvious discomfort and took Levi by the arm, helping him into the shower. The warmth hit him almost immediately, and he let out a relieved sigh. “Fuck, you didn’t need to follow me in here, asshat.”

But Levi didn’t sound as vicious as he normally did, so Erwin allowed himself to assume that the smaller general was thankful. He helped the Amirian stay propped up, and held him by his waist while he shampooed his hair. “This sucks.” 

Erwin grunted in reply. “It’s just for a few more days—the hospital wing is beginning to clear up again, and they’ll fix you up in no time.”

Levi didn’t respond. Instead, he ran his fingers over the mark on his chest. It hurt. His torso ached, and he wanted to vomit, but he held himself together, and reached for the soap that sat on the side of the shower. He wanted Erwin, even after everything. That was the worst part. 

Will and experience no longer had anything to do with it. It was that stupid mark on his chest. No matter how sick Erwin made him feel, he would always end up crawling back to him. It was _impossible_ to get rid of it, except through death, and Levi had a shit ton of work to do before he let himself die. But it wasn’t like he couldn’t ignore it. I was impractical as hell, sure, but it was possible.  
Temporarily, at least. For the rest of his life, Levi didn’t know how he would manage. Thankfully, he probably wouldn’t make it through the war, so it was only a short term problem. 

He hated how Erwin was so hot and cold with him, especially after their spat in the mess hall. Some days, he wanted to scream at the human. None of it made sense, especially now, with Erwin being so kind to him. “What the hell make you think I even want you here?”

“Because you haven’t forced me to leave,” Erwin retorted.

“No, I told you to, and you ignored me.” 

Erwin sighed, and stood silently while Levi washed himself. “I’m glad you made it back alive.”

“You can thank Mike for that one.”

“Trust me, I already have.”

Levi stayed silent for a long time, absentmindedly chewing on his lip. “Did Hanji stitch me up?”

For a moment, Erwin felt a wave of panic come over him. “Were you competent during the surgery?”

“No, but these stitches are shit.” Erwin let out a quiet laugh, but Levi ignored  it. “Was it bad?”

“Mike thought you wouldn’t make it.”

Levi snarled. “Then why drag my ass all the way back? No, I mean during the surgery.”  
“Hm?”

“Fucking dumbass. Did I freak out, or not?”

“Ah.”

“Well?”

Erwin shrugged. “It was containable.”

“What happened?”

“You thought Mike was dead.”

Levi nodded and licked his lips. “Are we past the atmosphere?”

Erwin paused, then shook his head. “Yes, thank God.”  
“But we’ll have to go back eventually, right?”

“Once we get a reading on the capital, we’ll be able to either initiate peace treaties or start another battle.”

“For two thousand years of advancement, you’re still recycling the same strategies.”  
“What?” 

“The second world war, shithead,” He sighed, and rolled his eyes. “Have Isabel and Farlan put in their reports yet?”

Erwin visibly tensed up, and that’s when Levi narrowed his eyes and looked at the human general. “No, they haven’t.”

“Why not? They’re never late. Were they injured?”

No response.

Levi stared at him for a long time, soap sitting in both of his hands. Already, he felt the sick feeling of loss beginning to well up in his stomach. “Did they make it?” When Erwin looked away, Levi stepped back, and let the soap fall from his hands. “They’re dead, aren’t they.” 

“Levi, we can talk about this later, it’s—“

“If you’re about to say that it’s fine, just stop,” he spat, backing up until he was pressed against the side of the shower. “They didn’t make it.”

“No, no, they did. But they’re in critical condition, and we don’t know if they’re going to recover.”

Levi nodded once, and carried on. “I’ll see them today, then. How are their injuries?”

“Isabel has spinal injuries, and Farlan was shot in the stomach.”

“They’ll be fine.”

“Levi—“  
“I just said they’ll be fine. Drop it.” Levi turned the shower off, and wrapped a towel around himself. He would have charged the hell out of there, but it still hurt to move, so he took small steps, holding onto the wall for support. “Erwin, why the hell are you here?”

“To make sure you’re safe.”

“Well I am, so you can go.”  
“Levi, can I please talk to you?”  
“No. I’m not interested.” That was far from the truth, but his chest already hurt, and he didn’t want to deal with this right now. His body was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was crawl back into bed.  

Still, Erwin grabbed his shoulder, and supported him as he walked. “Levi, please.”

“What? What could you possibly have to talk about that’s so fucking important that you have to keep pestering me?” Levi snapped. 

Wordlessly, though, Erwin led Levi out of the bathroom, sat him down on the bed, and pulled out fresh clothes for him. It wasn’t until the both of them were completely dressed and sitting on the bed that he even dared to speak. “I wanted to apologize.”

“This shit again?”  
“Really, Levi. I feel horrific for hurting you so badly, and I honestly didn’t think you were going to come back.”

“If I didn’t, maybe things would have been a little easier for us,” Levi replied, ignoring the pained look on Erwin’s face and automatically moving his hand up to stroke the mark on his chest. “I think you’re just wasting your time, Erwin.”

“For my own sake, let me finish.” When Levi didn’t respond, Erwin sighed and moved his hand up, slipping it under Levi’s to touch the fabric covering the mark. “You’re in pain.”

“Is that even a question?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I want to see Isabel and Farlan.”

“They’re still not awake.”

Levi sighed. “I don’t care. That didn’t stop you from sitting in here for god knows how long. Which, by the way, was a huge waste of your time.” 

“What’s it like, to live with that mark?” 

Levi rolled his eyes. This man was always difficult, and he should have been used to it by now. Erwin’s fingers curled over the fabric, and he felt his chest ache. The touch was gentle, but Levi still wanted to slap him away. He didn’t want to fall back into this, into obsessing and suffering and getting fucked over again and again and again. 

But he wanted Erwin so bad that it hurt, and it was hard to keep himself thinking straight. In the end, he knew he didn’t have much of a choice. “Right now, awful.”

“What was it like before?”  
“I felt amazing, like I could do anything,” Levi murmured, and stared hard at the hand that was touching him. It hurt, to force the words out, and he felt a lump begin to form in his throat. Great, that was the last fucking thing he needed right now. “I loved it, the way that it made me feel when I was around you. I trusted you more than anything.”

Those words sent pins and needles shooting through Erwin’s body. “You can cry, if you want.”

“Who wants to? It’s a waste of energy,” Levi choked out, but for the first time, he really thought he was going to slip. He felt the inside of his nose prickle, and his eyes stung.  “Leave me alone.”

Instead, Erwin wrapped his arms around the other general, pulling him close. The smell of shampoo and soap lingered on him, and the human rested his chin on Levi’s still wet hair. “I love you.” 

“For now, yes, I think you do.”

Ah, _that_ was why Levi was like this. “Levi, I was wrong to treat you the way I did.”

“I should have told you my standing in the army earlier.”

“It doesn’t make a difference. It wasn’t your fault.” 

Levi let his eyes flutter shut, trying to hide the tears that were beginning to prick at his eyes. He wasn’t the crying type, and he never had been. What the hell was happening to his body? The way Erwin was holding him made him want to throw up. He felt comfortable, but he was slipping. He couldn’t keep himself composed like this forever, but whenever he tried to squirm away, Erwin held him tighter.

Whether it was Erwin’s shitty persuasion or his own decision, Levi couldn’t have said. He wrapped his arms around Erwin’s torso, and hoisted himself up, turning so that his forehead was pressed against the human’s. He kissed Erwin firmly, like he always did, and felt his throat tighten again.  
For the first time since he was a child, Levi let himself cry. It was only a handful of tears, nothing compared to what it could have been, but he felt relieved. 

Erwin cupped his face in his hands, and kissed the tears away. 

~~

Levi stood over Isabel’s hospital bed, eyes narrow and lips drawn into a thin line. He thought Erwin had been exaggerating their conditions, that the casualties hadn’t been _that_ bad. Contrary to his thoughts, the hospital wing was packed, with less injured soldiers residing on the floor and critically injured in the beds. He had seen far worse, yes, but it was a disastrous hit to the rebel army. “Has she woken up since arriving?”

“No, she’s hooked up to life support, and they’re going to perform another surgery on her.”

“And Farlan?” 

“He’s been in and out occasionally, but the drugs have been screwing with his head. Doctors are worried that his wound will get infected.”

“What happened?” Levi murmured, body tensing when he felt a hand on the small of his back. The fuck did it matter what Erwin did at this point. He placed a hand on Isabel’s shoulder, watching the gentle breaths leave her mouth. She was still alive, he reminded himself. For now, she was still here. She would make it, she got out of Brakomi, and she got through everything else. This wasn’t any different. 

“Ambushed on the way out of the capital building.” 

It was only for a second, but Levi felt the air leave his lungs. He gasped for breath, staring at Isabel’s unconscious form, and Farlan’s open but dull eyes. “I sent them out.” The thought strangled him, choking the life out of him inch by inch until Erwin gave him a firm squeeze on the shoulder and turned him away from the wounded generals.

“Levi, try to relax.”

“Relax? I fucking made the two of them leave, and they ended up like _this_.”

“Would they have survived inside with you?”

He thought. Petra had worked with him, but never Isabel and Farlan. “I don’t know.” 

“You can’t let yourself overthink it,” Erwin whispered, but he knew Levi wouldn’t believe the words. 

“I’m going back to the office.”

“Hanji will be here soon, they can give you a better grasp of the situation and—“

“I _said_ I’m going back to the office.”

He brushed past Erwin, hiding his limp the best he could as he exited the hospital wing.

It was in the office that he lost it. 

Levi opened his mouth in a silent scream, face contorting into a tortured, dying sort of expression. War, dying, he was used to it. He knew how to handle it. He could cope, he always did. Always made it, always survived.

Always fucking survived while his loved ones died.

He heard the scream a moment later, but it didn’t register as his. Levi thought he was in control, but the next thing he knew his hands were on the ground, his wounds were screaming for relief, and the contents of their planning room had been strewn carelessly over the floor.  
“Levi? Levi, what’s going on?” The door slammed open, and he heard the scream again. Erwin’s voice vaguely registered, but it didn’t interest him. Levi scrambled to his feet, tripping over his own feet as he backed away from the larger general. His keeled over, hands digging into his scalp, body convulsing. 

“Go _away_!” 

“Hey, stop shouting, it’s going to be okay, Levi, you’re going to rip your stitches and—“ Levi felt the touch of Erwin’s flesh, and screamed again, flipping the larger man onto the ground with a loud thud. He had forgotten about the injuries, the stitches, and hissed when he felt his entire torso throb. He placed his foot on the center of Erwin’s chest, and pushed down hard. “Levi, I’m bleeding, _stop it_.”

Erwin’s injuries.

He stumbled back, avoiding the human’s touch as if it were poison. “I could shoot myself Erwin.”

“Levi, please—“

“Right in the fucking head. I could blow my brains out all over these fucking plans and be done with it.” 

“Levi, you’re not talking rationally,” Erwin gasped out, labored breaths in between each of his words. When he pulled himself up, Levi could see the blood leaking through his shirt, and turned away.

“Fuck off, let me—“ His words were cut off by Erwin’s warm mouth against his, holding him in place to remove his chance to escape. He writhes around at first, slamming his hands against Erwin’s chest, kicking and screaming against his mouth. Still, the human holds him there until his muscles ache and he’s sure that his stitches are going to rip open. 

He already knows he’s going to cry again, and he’d rather scream instead. He’s too tired. Levi shuts his eyes and slumps against Erwin’s chest, face hidden in the fabric of his shirt. A muffled sob slips through his lips, and he could have fucking punched himself. It was embarrassing, to be so weak. “I should be used to death,” he groaned into Erwin’s shirt, and that only made the human hug him tighter.

“Losing a fellow soldier is different than losing a friend,” Erwin replied into Levi’s mop of dark hair. “It’s not wrong, to be upset.”

“They didn’t deserve any of this,” Levi spat, digging his nails deep into Erwin’s back, until the human hissed and wrenched his eyes shut. 

“None of us do.”


	4. Coping

In the books, they had always learned that Amirians did not mourn. They were a warrior race, used to violence, death, and the breaking of bonds. 

This, obviously, was not true. 

Brakomi was a peaceful planet that could not accommodate the stress of war. They had put up a good fight for what it was worth, but they were never prepared. Bonds meant more than anything, and when it was not wartime, violence was inexcusable. 

But, like humans, Amirians could be driven to madness. There were social anomalies—some killed, some enjoyed to cause pain, and some valued power over companionship. In bursts, Levi was one of those individuals. Hell, most of the generals were, really.   
They had built up their society to prevent harmful behavior. It wasn’t that Amirians were incapable of hurting one another, it was that they had chosen not to. Everyone had urges, and it would have been unrealistic to say that they all got along.

War would change that permanently, whether or not the ordinary Amirian citizens were aware. It had taken centuries to create their society, and that was gone. Their major cities had been leveled, and the infer structure of their society had been cracked. Amirians were used to violence, now. Poverty, suffering, and crime were becoming the norm, and Levi saw that change almost as soon as he entered the army.

“Levi?”

He snapped his eyes open, aware suddenly of how close he had been to falling asleep. The Amirian looked up to see Hanji standing in front of him, arms behind their back and glasses on the top of their head.

From this angle, he could see how dark the circles under their eyes were getting, as well as a hint of something else. Their eyes were red and puffy, like they had been crying. He swallowed, throat closing up and stomach churning. Hanji _never_ cried.

“Someone died, right?” he whispered, hardly aware that the words were coming off of his lips. “A squad leader, a general?”

“A general.”

Levi heard the words, and he wished he hadn’t. His hands were sweaty and clammy, but he rubbed them together and then on his pants to try and get them back to normal. Fuck, he knew. He already knew, but he didn’t want it to be said. But he couldn’t leave it alone either. He sat up in the chair outside of the hospital ward, and then got onto his feet. It hurt to stand, and Hanji knew that, but he didn’t give a shit. This was important, and a few aching stitches could wait a minute. “Which one of them was it?”

“Well—“

“Which of the two died first, Hanij?”

“Isabel.”

“And Farlan?”

“He might make it.”

Levi bit on his lip until he was sure it would break, but never tasted blood. His head spun, and he was sure he was about to fucking vomit all over himself. Other than that, though, he couldn’t feel anything, and that was terrifying. He knew he should have been upset, but he had already mourned, he had had his breakdown in the office with Erwin trying to restrain him. “What’s the problem?” He knew there was more to it than that. Hanji showed no hope, they acted as if Farlan was already deceased, despite what was probably a fairly successful surgery. “Are his wounds infected? Blood loss?”

“Him and Isabel were bonded. I had no idea,” Hanji murmured, flipping their glasses up so that they sat on top of the general’s head.

“Farlan is strong, though. He can get through it,” Levi choked out, voice shaky and unsure. He knew Farlan could do it.

Or, was it that he _wanted_ Farlan to make it?

“Levi, you saw yourself when you didn’t have Erwin, didn’t you?”

“I overreacted.”

“Comparatively, you under reacted.”

“You think he’ll kill himself.”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll speak to him, if he makes it.”

“I’m sorry, Levi.”

“It’s fine.”

“I know she’s the first one you’ve lost in a while, and—“

“It’s fine, Hanji. You tried much harder than you needed to.”

They shut their eyes, and he understood Hanji’s thought process. “I thought we could save her,” they murmured, crossing their arms over their chest. They had done this for Levi. Hanji was upset about Isabel’s death because it meant the loss of another general, and the loss of another life to this godforsaken war. But more than that, they knew how upset Levi would be. 

“You tried to do this for me, and you didn’t have to.”

Still, Hanji shook their head, and buried their face in their hands. “I thought we could do it, though. I thought they could make it.”  
“Get some rest, Hanji. You’re exhausted, and you look like a fucking wreck.”

“But Farlan—“

“The doctors can take care of Farlan. Have a glass of water and sleep.”

“Levi, it’s fine, I’ll go back to work and I’ll make sure he’s stable when he wakes up,” Hanji rambled, and kept talking so quickly that Levi could hardly process the words. He had seen Hanji like this only a few times before—when their original squad died, and when Levi had lost one of his best soldiers in one of their last battles in the Amirian army together.

They worked too hard for Levi. There was no reason for it, they weren’t bonded, and hell, they were only close because of the war. 

That being said, Levi knew he would have been doing the same exact thing for them. “You’ve done more than enough. Sleep.”

Hanji’s hands fell to their side, and Levi gave one of them a gentle squeeze. They stood that way for a long time before Hanji nodded once, and put their glasses back over their eyes. “You’re right.”  
“Go.”

Hanji turned away, disappearing down the hall. Levi, having no reason to stay outside of the hospital wing, retreated to Erwin’s office.  
~~

Erwin knew as soon as he walked into the room. “Levi, what’s up?” He asked frantically, but when the Amirian shook his head and turned away, that was more than enough of an answer. For some reason, he wanted to touch Erwin so fucking bad, and relished in his warmth as he gave Levi a tight embrace. “Which one of them?”

“Isabel.”

“I’m…I’m sorry, Levi.”

“That’s two in a week.”

“Is Farlan gone, too? I thought the surgery had been a success?”

Levi laughed softly, and shut his eyes, leaning his head into Erwin’s shoulder. “No, not Farlan. Another girl.”

“On this ship?”

“No, no. In the Capital.”

“Are soldiers of yours still there?”

“Did you know about my squad on Maulitia?” 

Erwin pulled away from the hug, and looked at Levi’s tired, now red and watering eyes. He was trying so fucking hard to hold it bad. He had cried more in the past few weeks than he had in fucking years, and that was embarrassing as all hell. “I know that each five star general had a squad, but nothing past that.”

“Yes. I had a squad of four.”

“Highly skilled, right?”

“Of course.”

“Were they executed?”

Levi pursed his lips. “No.” 

His voice shook, and that made Erwin cock his head to the side. “Are they alive, then?” 

“I don’t know.” Levi swung the office door open and dragged Erwin out by the sleeve of his shirt, down the hall and towards their bedroom.

“What’s wrong, Levi?” 

“Petra, Oruo, Eld, and Gunther.” 

That’s when it really clicked. “They were at the capital, weren’t they.” 

“Yes.”

“Did you see any of them?”

“Petra managed to grab me, but I left her to save Mike.”

“She didn’t make it, then.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Were you two close?”

“Closer than I am with Isabel and Farlan.”

“Levi, I’m sorr—“ He was cut off by a rough, overly aggressive kiss. Levi slammed the bedroom door shut, and Erwin heard the click of the lock behind them. “Levi, what are you doing?” he choked out, but the Amirian only shook his head and kissed him again. Was this his way of trying to cope? Erwin tried to hold him gently, but Levi kept grabbing at him much harder than necessary, clawing at his clothes and pulling at his hair. 

“What were the damages on the capital.” He pulled Erwin by the hem of his shirt, and sat him down on their bed. The blond shouldn’t have been shocked that he was being moved around so easily, but Levi was moving so fast that he couldn’t get a grip on what was going on until he was on the bed with Levi on top of him.

“Fifty percent of civilians lost.”

Levi’s mouth opened ever so slightly, but he shut it until he could get his thoughts together. “Ah. A few million, then.”

“The bomb went right through the underground power systems, and took just about every major point in the city,” Erwin muttered, trying to look away from the smaller general. A hand locked onto his chin and snapped his head back so that he was forced to make eye contact.

“No evacuation attempt?”

“We caught them by surprise. There was no chance.”

“Very well.” The Amirian sucked gently on his neck, careful not to leave any unwanted marks.

Erwin felt a small pair of hands on the waistband of his pants, and tensed up. He hadn’t felt such an intimate touch in weeks, and it had caught him by surprise. “Wait—“ He was cut off by Levi’s lips over his, tongue pushing past the human’s teeth and into his mouth. He fucking loved the way Levi tasted—clean, sweet almost. 

Still, he felt his pants tighten, and moaned at the sensation of Levi so close to him. “We don’t have to do this, Levi,” he whispered, clearing his throat to try and hold back a groan. It felt good, hell it felt fucking _amazing_ , but he didn’t have the right to be so close to the Amirian, especially now. “I don’t want you to fuck me because you’re trying to cope with everything, it’s not healthy.”

He saw the way Levi would occasionally look at him. It was that sudden flash of panic, of loss, of loneliness. It made Erwin’s stomach twist. Was it right for him to be so intimate with him? Erwin had taken away so much, and Levi had lost so fucking much on his own.

Levi rolled his eyes, and rotated his hips again, fingers unbuttoning the blond’s shirt with ease. “Shut up.”

“Really, Levi—“  
He was cut off by a quick, aggressive kiss with two hands bunching up the fabric of his shirt. “I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t want to.”

His pants were tight around his crotch, and his erection throbbed when the Amirian general brushed is fingers over the waistband of Erwin’s pants, unbuttoning and pulling them down too fast for him to say anything. 

They fooled around, trying to hide their moans and awkward, pleasured movements. Levi fumbled around the bed, grabbing at the sheets until he found what he was looking for. He slicked lube over Erwin’s dick, stretching himself while they kissed. He didn’t want to waste time, all he wanted was to have Erwin inside of him.

Erwin pinned him down and pushed into him quickly. Too quickly for him to muffle the pained noise that came from his throat. He was more shocked than anything, not used to the sudden movement. The blond waited for him to adjust, holding his quivering, needy form and planting kisses along his face and neck.  
Levi fucked him desperately, nails dragging across his skin, and harsh breaths coming through his lips. Still, Erwin looked down at him, small body sprawled out in the sheets with disheveled hair and ragged breaths, and he felt his chest throb. He was light, like a feather. He felt his heart in his throat, and gave Levi a long, ginger kiss. 

“What’s with the look, shit head?” Levi grunted, pushing himself up so that he was on Erwin’s lap. He rolled his hips, earning a soft moan from the human. “Are you going to be one of those assholes that cries after we fuck?” He pulled himself up, almost off of Erwin, and fell back down, his lover’s cock hitting deep inside of him. 

Still, Levi felt his stomach flutter as his lover watched him. There was something pure about the way they moved, something innocent despite their all but innocent position. His body was hot, shaking at the feeling of Erwin so deep inside of him. He moaned whenever the human thrusted into him just right, shivering at the two hands that were clamped down on his hips.

It’s too much, and his body is too hot. All he can feel is Erwin’s hands on him, Erwin inside of him. “Erwin, fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” he chokes out, even though the blond is already thrusting hard into him, body curled around Levi’s. “Fuck, I need to come, I can’t, fuck, Erwin.”

An all too familiar jolt of electricity shoots through his stomach, and he groaned weakly, coming on their stomachs with a shiver. Erwin followed soon after, eyes squeezed shut and mouth against Levi’s. The Amirian wanted to fucking cry, because in the midst of the pleasure, of Erwin’s presence, Levi couldn’t get his mind off of the Capital, and all of the lives lost. He thought of his squad, and wondered if they made it. 

Times like this, he hated that Erwin was so observant. The blond pulled him into a tight hug, and he could feel the same stupid fucking tears pricking at his eyes. He was better than that, though, and he pressed his forehead against his lover’s shoulder to hide his face. He felt fucking stupid, for making fun of Erwin, and here he was with tears in his eyes and his throat too choked up to talk.

“It’s going to be all right, Levi.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it will be.”

~~

The two of them stayed in Erwin’s bed, half sleeping, half sitting in silence. This, for once, was their day to rest.   
Still, their conversations never seemed to leave the war.

“I’ve never heard of a war that was so difficult to work out,” Erwin mused, hand resting on the small of Levi’s back. “Usually, peace treaties are put in place by now.”

“For many of the soldiers, they’ve grown up in this sort of an environment. There doesn’t need to be a reason for the war, the propaganda and the casualties have been enough to keep their hatred strong,” Levi murmured. He focused on the way Erwin was holding him, and how badly he wanted to fuck him again. This was their only chance to rest, though, and he wanted to enjoy it. He stayed crushed up against Erwin’s chest, hands tracing circles over the tattoos on Erwin’s back. “You were alive before it started.”

Erwin’s lips were twisted into a frown, but his eyes were soft, taking in Levi’s features. “I don’t remember much, though.”  
“But you were on Earth when it started. Your parents must have told you.”

The blond thought for a long time. “Yes, they talked about it over dinner. I remember, it was my father’s birthday and he came home with the news.” He cleared his throat, and kissed the top of Levi’s head. “It was a week after the Amirian ambassador died.” 

“They thought it was a sabotage.”

“Earth’s technology wasn’t advanced enough to help him.” 

“Relations were already beginning to go south before that. I think it’s bullshit—there was going to be a war either way.”

“This gave a reason, though,” Erwin murmured, and let his eyes shut. Throwing away millions of deaths to avenge a single life didn’t make sense. It never had, no matter how many times he mulled it over in his head. What it came down to was politics and greed. 

“There has to be a missing piece, though.”

“Hm?”

“Amirians are peaceful. There have only been five wars in its entire history, and this is by far the worst.”

“Perhaps it was just the wrong people in power.”

“Perhaps.” Levi sighed, and flipped himself over so that he was straddling the blond. “Doesn’t matter, we just need to finish it.”  
“It will help with peace treaties.”

“Two decimated armies would be more efficient,” Levi grumbled, but rolled his hips against the humans as he spoke. “Neither side has budged for years.”

“It’s unfortunate.”  
“It’s stupid.”

Erwin’s eyes fluttered shut, embarrassed that Levi could arouse him despite their conversation. More than that, it horrified him that these conversations were so normal, so second hand and common. He moaned, a strangled, needy sort of noise, and grabbed Levi’s waist. His hips moved up, grinding their erections against each other. The tightness in his pants was unbearable, and all he could imagine was Levi’s mouth, his tongue, his warm, quick breaths against his skin. “God, Levi,” he choked out, and he heard a soft, almost playful chuckle in response.

He had never heard such a noise come from Levi’s mouth, but it sent a jolt of electricity through his body. Beautiful, the Amirian general was ethereal. “What do you want, Erwin?” He let a pitiful moan escape his lips, and Levi made the noise again. Absolute perfection. “You’re staring at my lips. What, you want me to suck you off?” Levi pulled one of the human’s hands to his mouth, and flicked his tongue out, running it up Erwin’s index finger, then gently sucking on the digit.  
“Yes, yes, please, Levi, please suck me off,” he begged, and felt Levi’s cock twitch through his pants.

“Fucking pervert,” the Amirian slurred, but crawled off of Erwin and yanked his pants off, wondering why they had even bothered to dress themselves again. He ran his tongue up the length of Erwin’s cock, working the base of it with one of his hands. 

He took the length into his mouth, releasing it moments later with a wet pop. “Let’s fuck again,” he murmured, and blew a mouthful of air against Erwin's damp skin. It was exhilarating just to think of Erwin inside of him again, of Erwin’s shaky breaths and desperate words while they fucked. 

He felt Erwin patting around the bed, searching for the lube. It was only a matter of time before two slicked up fingers found his entrance, pushing in one at a time and stretching him out. “Fuck,” he groaned, mouth still on Erwin’s cock. Erwin was close, he could feel that much, so he moved carefully, working at him with firm but gentle movements.

“Get on my lap,” Erwin demanded, and Levi shot up, positioning his legs on either side of the blond. He felt the tip of Erwin’s cock press against his ass, and he shuddered. He moved himself down, letting the human push into him at a painfully slow rate.

Levi’s body tensed up, and Erwin waited until the smaller general opened his eyes and tried to give him a twisted little smile. “Keep going,” he whispered, and that’s all the blond needed. He waited until Levi relaxed, and pushed further into him. “Levi, you’re so tight, you’re so good,” he heard himself choking out, overwhelmed at the warmth surrounding his cock. He felt Levi’s nails digging into his back hard enough to draw blood, and all he can do is shudder.

Levi rolled his hips, pushing himself further down on the human. It was so fucking bizarre, how close he felt to Erwin. He pushed their foreheads together, breaths mingling together as they fucked. Erwin moved in and out of him, slowly at first. Something he did to make sure Levi was adjusted, that Levi was enjoying it just as much as he was. He didn’t move any faster until Levi’s movements became more impatient, and he could feel the throb of Levi’s cock against his stomach. 

Even then, Levi’s body still squirmed impatiently. “Hurry up and fuck me already,” he hissed, and Erwin complied, thrusting hard enough forward to get a surprised, choked up gasp from the smaller general’s lips.  
They fuck all over again, the smell of sweat filling Levi’s nostrils. His skin is damp with perspiration, and the two of the stick together with their too long touches and scrambling for affection. His body was still sensitive, and Erwin fucked Levi until he was screaming into the pillow, limbs tensed up and digging into the mattress. 

“Fuck, Levi, you’re so fucking good,” Erwin gasped, and flipped Levi over so that he was on his hands and fucked him from behind. He hit the smaller general’s prostate, and that’s enough for Levi’s limbs to give out, leaving him pressed into the sheets. “Fuck, Levi, Levi, _Levi,_ you’re so fucking _good_. You’re my filthy, lovely boy. _God_ , Levi.” 

Erwin came first, with Levi following seconds later with a scream, and the dull throbbing of over stimulation and pleasure in his pelvis. His skin tingled, and his chest throbbed. The Amirian flipped over, still beneath Erwin’s towering figure. They whispered each others names in between tender kisses until their breaths even out.

Eventually, Levi pulled himself out of bed and stumbled into the shower. His body was still tingling, and his skin was flushed, but he needed to clean himself off. Erwin joined him, and they showered in silence, which he didn’t mind in the least. They occasionally brushed fingers against one another, and Levi shampooed Erwin’s hair. In return, the blond held him tight and ran soap over his back, massaging the knotted muscles that decorated his torso.

Erwin kissed the mark in the middle of his chest, not seeming to mind the water that got into his mouth while Levi closed his eyes, fingering at the blond’s sopping wet hair. 

~~

Levi arched his back. He hated how fucking boring it was to wait. Wait and wait and wait until their scouts manage to get an accurate reading on the capital. A move even a day too early could mean the end of them, and a day too late might give Brakomi a chance to recover. 

In the meantime, they sat. Trained, sometimes, but mostly waited. A few soldiers would play cards, and Erwin set himself to reviewing plans over and over like he always did.

Times like this made Levi worry. What the hell would he do if he made it through the war? He was used to constant stress, violence, planning. Was it possible for him to hold a normal job? He had little to no education, and would be virtually useless once a peace treaty was put in place.

He scolded himself for worrying so much. The future shouldn’t have even been crossing his mind at this point—there was still too much left to do to _finish_ the war, never mind how much they would have to do to rebuild cities and lives.

He tried to focus on the present, and getting better. His body was always struggling to function and to heal, still throbbing in pain from the stitches and deep gashes that absolutely refused ot heal.

Erwin caught Levi trying to pick at his stitches a few times, and stopped him. He knew the Amirian wasn’t doing it intentionally—the things fucking hurt,and that made touching them even more enticing. He knew Levi would have nightmares every time he slept. Occasionally, it would happen before battles, but now they were a daily thing. Even when he woke up screaming, he would tell Erwin he was fine. 

The dark circles that were beginning to become even more prominent under his eyes didn’t say so. 

The blond understood what Hanji had said—Levi took every death personally, and the deaths of his friends only made things worse. None of it was exactly intentional, per se, but he slipped into moods where he was barely responsive, and he could hurt himself without even realizing it. 

Still, he didn’t want to push anything on Levi. He stayed up too late and worked, trying to let Levi get some sleep. On their one night off, Erwin prayed that Levi would be able to sleep normally. He felt horrific, that Levi was letting their attack on the Capital get to him on such a personal level.

Of course, Erwin felt guilty for the lives lost. He was sure that he would burn in hell, and that he probably deserved an eternity of suffering. However, he could cope. He could push it aside, mourn when he needed to, and get back to work.

Levi was still working, of course. But the blond knew he was dragging himself. He was running out of energy, and the human worried that he wouldn’t be able to carry himself on the field. 

The two of them had gone to sleep fairly early, spending most of the evening showering, making love, or talking. Levi seemed calm, more at peace than usual.

So, when Levi jolted up in bed, skin slicked with sweat and eyes blown wide, Erwin shot up after him, completely fucking terrified.

Any trace of Levi’s grogginess was gone, replaced with Isabel’s voice and her mangled body. He felt Erwin shoot up right after him, scaring the ever living _shit_ out of Levi. He moved without thinking, and pinned the blond down, not completely aware of his surroundings or what was going on. 

Had there been a knife in his hand, Erwin would have been dead, easily. Instead, the two of them stared at each other, breathing heavily. Erwin waited, waited, waited, until Levi could remember where he was, what was going on, and who was in bed with him. 

“Levi, it’s just me, Levi, _relax.”_

The Amirian heaves a few times, trying to steady his thudding heart and his spinning head. “Erwin, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know it was you,” he whispers, and collapses back down onto the bed, The blond’s hands move up, resting on either side of his neck. “What happened?”

Erwin must have already known the answer, but Levi wasn’t going to push that. “A nightmare.”

“Isabel?”

He nodded once, and Erwin gave him the slightest kiss, lips just barely grazing against one another. 

“I can’t fucking get them out of my head.”

“Them?”

“My squad.”  
“Ah, right.”

Levi rolled over, so that his back was facing Erwin. He didn’t want to talk about it, but it was his own fault for bringing it up. He felt Erwin’s lips on the back of his neck, and on his shoulder blades, and he let his eyes flutter shut. So kind, Erwin was so _fucking_ kind. “It’s alright.”

“You did what you needed to, Levi. Do you feel guilty?”

An uncomfortable silence sat between them, and finally, Levi nodded. “I keep thinking that maybe I should have killed her.”

“You would have had to watch it.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Levi, really—“

“I said it’s fine.”

“Will you be able to go back to sleep?”

“Probably not,” Levi admitted, and sat himself back up. “I’ll go for a walk. Get some rest.”

Erwin frowned, taken off guard by his lover’s suddenly chill attitude. He knew Levi was one to clam up when upset, but he was used to the outbursts that followed Isabel and Farlan, or the one that had happened during his surgery.

“I’ll go with you.”

“Erwin, this is your one fucking night off, go back to bed.”

“I want to be with you.”

Erwin heard an irritated groan, but the light to their room is flipped on a moment later nonetheless, and he catches sight of Levi pulling on his pants and a loose t shirt. He followed suit, pulling on his own clothing before following Levi out the door. “Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere that I don’t have to fucking _think_ ,” Levi hissed, but let Erwin slip a hand down his back, resting it on his tailbone. “Fucking hell, it’s late, but that doesn’t mean everyone’s asleep, asshole.” Still, he made no move to shove Erwin away. He continued to trudge through the halls, legs aimlessly bringing him through the ship.

“Do you want to go to the control room?”

“What, and sit around all the dusty shit no one ever bothers to clean?” Levi’s words should have been off putting. Hell, the look on Levi’s face should have been off putting. Still, Erwin felt his heart throb, and he was filled with an odd sort of warmth at being able to help the smaller general.

“There’s a window.”

Even Levi couldn’t argue with that.

Erwin’s hands wrapped around Levi’s shoulders, pulling his small frame close to the blond’s. Levi knew it was wrong, that if any other troops were awake, they’d see. But hell, everyone knew already, so what the fuck did it matter? He was used to the strict military life of the Amirian armies, and this could hardly compare.

He rested against Erwin’s torso, enveloping himself in the human’s body heat. His mouth moved, saying silent whords while Erwin planted kisses on his cheek, his jaw, and his hair. The blond’s touch was safety, comfort. With Erwin next to him, and the peaceful galaxy outside the window…it almost seemed as if the war wasn’t happening.

It was calming, relaxing. he needed to let his mind drift away from the pain and death that this fucking war had given him.

His brain fucking hurt, but he couldn’t sleep. Not after he had scared himself awake and attacked Erwin to boot.

“We need more generals,” Levi finally said, deciding that his mind couldn’t drift completely away from warfare.

“Hm?”

“Isabel and Farlan need to be replaced.”

Erwin rose a brow, and his mouth opened, probably to ask why, since Farlan was still alive, but no sound came out. He looked back out the window, and finally said .”Then we’ll move up some two stars and begin priming the new recruits to replace them.”

“I suppose we’ll begin that tomorrow.”

“Yes. Any in mind?”

“Perhaps. I need to see them again.”

“We’ll decide later.”

~~

Erwin sat up in his seat, back straight and arms locked over his chest. “What’s the plan?”

“Next week, we’ll make a move,” Mike said, and Hanji nodded in agreement.

“So soon?” Levi inquired, raising a brow. “Is your squad back?”

“The capital is a mess. If we strike soon, we can probably land and—“

“Too easy.”

“Hm?” Hanji’s head cocked to the side, waiting for Levi to elaborate.

“We can’t land in the same place twice. A mess or not, they’ll be prepared to counter _that_ at the very least,” Levi muttered. “We need to start outside the city and move towards the capital over the course of a few days.”

“Our losses will be astronomical,” Erwin countered. “There’s no way—“

“Better than having our entire ship decimated as soon as we get through the atmosphere.” Levi saw the look on his face, that flash of doubt. “Erwin, you have to trust me. _I_ put these security precautions in place, and between myself, Hanji, Nanaba, and the lower rank soldiers, we’ll have no problem. It’s not like we’re a bunch of human bumble fucks trying to navigate in a place we know nothing about.”

The doubt was still on Erwin’s face, melded deep into his eyes. Levi didn’t want it to, but the look stung. 

“If we were on earth, I would trust your decision without a second thought.” It wasn’t meant to be an accusation or a guilt trip, or fucking anything but raw trust. And Erwin, thank God, understood.

He nodded, cracked his shoulders. “You’re right, you’re right. I’ll trust your decision.”

“Good. We’ll land in ___, make shelter within the ruins of the city, and get moving as fast as we can. We’ll have to break into groups. We don’t want to be caught in an ambush, or some shit.”

Hanji nodded. “I’m sure I have some inside men that will help us.”

We shouldn’t contact them until we’ve landed.”

“Of course, Erwin. Can’t risk having a double agent.” Hanji took their glasses off, throwing them carelessly onto the desk. “So Levi, Mike, Erwin and I will all lead separate groups.”

Levi saw Erwin’s sidelong glance, but ignored it. Not a matter to bring up in front of Hanji. “Very well.”

“We’ll be moving some generals up in rank as well, right?” Levi inquired. “We need more leaders, competent or not.”

“Ideally, that’s what I would like. I want Arlert promoted, regardless of who else we choose.” Hanji adjusted their glasses, and kicked their feet up onto their desk. “Would you and Erwin mind selecting a few? Mike was in charge of promotions last time around.”

“Anything you need, Hanji,” Levi said.

“Good. That’s all we need to discuss for now. I’m sure you two will begin to draw up more plans tonight, and specify our landing point in __”

Erwin dismissed himself first, and Levi caught up to him seconds after. It wasn’t until they were back in the office that the Amirian even dared to bring up his lover’s expression during that meeting.

“Something’s bothering you, Erwin.”

“I’m decent.”

“You don’t want me to go alone.”

Erwin licked his lips, and looked anywhere but at Levi’s face. He collapsed, landing on his knees in front of the smaller general.

Pathetic. He was on his knees in front of the Amirian, chin pressed against his navel. Begging. He was begging desperately for Levi to try and change their plans. “I was so close to losing you,” he whispered, voice hoarse and desperate in a way Levi had never heard.

It hurt, to see Erwin like this. But he could silence his heart, silence his yearnings. “This war isn’t about us.”

“I know, I know, I’m being selfish, I know,” Erwin mumbled over and over, and Levi knew he was embarrassed.

“Then stop it.”

Erwin’s mouth opened ever so slightly, but no words came out. To get that stupid expression on his face, Levi rolled his tongue over the blond’s lips. “I’m sorry,” Erwin finally whispered, and moved up to get a deeper kiss.

“It’s fine.” He pulled Erwin onto his feet, and brushed his shirt off. “We need to pick our candidates, and start speaking to them about training and preparations for their promotions.” Without another word, he turned and exited the room, Erwin following behind him. There was no reason for such a conversation to happen. He was worried, how easily Erwin had faltered, both at the first attack on the capital, and now. He could harden his heart, but he could not separate his emotions completely, no matter how hard he tried to put that face on.

Most of the soldiers were in the mess hall. It was easier to find people during meal times, where they were, generally, all congregated into the same place. 

“Hanji wanted Arlert, right?” Erwin inquired, pointing when he spotted the young, blond soldier.

“That’s him. He and Kirstein have been in charge of interrogation.”

“Have they been any good?”

Levi shrugged. “Arlert is efficient, but he hesitates when there is no immediate threat. Kirstein hesitates regardless.”  
“He’s never killed before, then.”

“Unlikely.”

“And if his comrades are in danger? Are you positive he will still hesitate?”

“I don’t know. Never seen him in action.”

“Arlert is an excellent choice, though,” Erwin mused. 

“I agree. I see a lot of you in him,” Levi commented, watching Armin work with the other soldiers. He was young, still new to the war, but he was fucking brilliant. As far as training went, he was still very weak in his physical aspects, but that wasn’t anything they couldn't fix.   
“Ah, really?” Erwin murmurs, and jots a few notes down next to the younger human’s name. “Hanji is thinking of priming him immediately for as a general. Surprising, she usually likes to test them out as squad leaders..”

Levi hummed, looking around the room. “I understand why she thinks that, but, it would be difficult to put him on the front lines with the rest of the generals.”

“I don’t think it would be an issue. He can think quickly enough to keep himself out of trouble.”

“If you think so.”

“If he prioritizes long range fighting, he should be able to hold himself up in a fight. Regardless of his positioning in future battles, his mind will be the most important aspect to his standing in the army.”

“I completely agree. I suppose we’ll work out the details as future battles get closer.” Levi looked around the room, catching glimpses of soldiers that looked away a little too quick whenever he turned to them. “Did Hanji mention any others that we might promote?” 

Erwin shook his head. “The rest is up to us.”

“Fair enough.” 

“Do you have any in mind?”

“Mikasa.”

“Ah, the girl that enlisted with Eren?”

“Yes. She looks extremely promising.”

“She reminds me of you.”

“Is it the sour expression?” Levi said with a halfhearted snarl, but he heard Erwin chuckle, and couldn’t help but let a quick smirk cross his face. “You’re a fucking ass.”

“And you?” 

“I’m interested in Kirstein.”

“Even after what I’ve told you?”

“He’s understanding, though. I think he’ll be motivating to the other troops, even if he’s…”

“Useless?”

“I wouldn’t say useless. Maybe a slow learner.”

“Start him off as a Squad Leader.”

“Fair enough.”

“Is it going to be efficient, to shoot them straight to a high ranking position?” Levi understood why Hanji was in a rush. They needed morale, and they needed to be as organized as they could before the next attack.

Erwin shrugged. “It’s all bullshit. Most of the one star generals don’t know what the hell they’re doing around here, and that isn’t about to change. We just need a title that the other soldiers will respect and follow.”

“And to think I worked all those years to even touch those ranks,” Levi said with a short laugh.

“Ranks don’t mean anything in an army that’s barely functional.”

“I think we’ve made out fairly well, so far.”

“With proper resources, we’d be even better.”  
“We’re working with what we have.”

“I know, Erwin.” He sighed, and cracked his shoulders, then his neck. “i’ll talk to Arlert and Mikasa. I’ll leave Kirstein to you.”

~~

Armin sat down in Erwin’s office in one of the chairs, while Levi placed himself on the floor. It was casual, the way he talked to his troops. There was no fucking point in bothering with the formal, overdramatic shit. This didn’t need to be tense for any reason.

“Arlert.”

“Sir?”  
“Relax, you look like a dog with its tail between it’s legs. It’s embarrassing.”  
Slowly, he saw the boy take a few deep breaths, and relax his position ever so slightly. “Sorry, sir.”

“Levi.”

“Levi, then.”

“How are you feeling, about this war?”

“I don’t understand what you mean, sir. I’m sick of death, but I have to keep fighting.”

“Why?”

“My family is at home, and I don’t want both planets to end up as wrecked as Brakomi is. This needs to stop, and there’s no way we can put a peace treaty in place yet. If I stop fighting, I’m ignoring what needs to be done.”

“Excellent answer, Arlert.”

“What’s the intention of our meeting?”

“Hanji wants you promoted.”

The human’s blue eyes widened astronomically, and at first, Levi thought he would be thrilled. Instead, he seemed to sink back into his chair, and his skin seemed pale. “Who deemed me capable of leading other people?”

“You are easily one of the most intelligent recruits we have gotten in years. Hanji admires your ability, and Erwin and I both think you would make a tremendous general.”

“A _general_? I…I don’t know how to maintain a roll like that, I—“  
“Arlert, relax,” Levi said softly, trying his best to keep the boy calm and collected. He was nervous, as anyone would be. The first time Levi was promoted, he was nothing short of terrified. “Hanji’s reasoning is mainly so that we have your insight when doing our planning. You’ve been able to get yourself and many of the other soldiers out of dangerous situations easily, and you know how to think on your feet.”

“That doesn’t mean I need a _promotion_.”

“But you’ll take it, won’t you?” Levi prompted, eyes narrowing slightly. “No” wasn’t an option, and the both of them knew that. Hanji wanted him to be a general, so he would be a general.

“Is this as a formality?”

“Sharp.”

“You need more leadership to appear organized.”

“Ideally.”

“Will I be operating on my own during the next attack?”

“We’ll have you operate with Mikasa. She’ll be receiving a promotion as well, and we’d like to give you two a test run before you’re completely on your own.”

Armin looked terrified, like he was about to puke on his own shoes. Still, he nodded, and held out a shaky hand towards Levi, who only stared at it. “I’ll take the position.”  
“You don’t need to shake my hand.”

“Ah,” Armin grunted, and dropped the limb back to his side. “Thank you for the opportunity, sir.”

“You’ll serve us well.”

~~

Erwin, knowing Jeans personality, should have know that he wouldn’t have taken the idea of a leadership role passively. As soon as the mention of Squad Leader, never mind General, came from Erwin’s mouth, he was convinced the boy would pass out on the spot. 

“Jean, this is a tremendous opportunity.”

“I can’t lead anybody! Hell, I can barely fight. Anyone fighting by my side usually dies, and I can’t do jack shit about it. What the hell makes you think that I’d make a fanfuckingtactic leader?”

He had a feeling this was how it was going to go. Hell, Levi had even warned him of this. Still, he folded his hands in his lap, shut his eyes for a moment, and opened them slowly. “Jean, that isn’t all there is to being a successful squad leader.”

“Isn’t that the point? What use am I if my entire squad ends up dead?”

“You need to be able to help the survivors. Sometimes, casualties can’t be helped, and you’ve shown that you can keep people together and breathing when you need to.”

This earned a bitter laugh from Jean, who didn’t seem convinced in the least. “When the hell was that?”

“Armin would have died at the Capital had you not helped him.”

“He came up with the escape plan.”

“Still, you were able to collaborate and execute the plan, and get him back safe and alive.”  
“What the hell else was I supposed to do? Leave him there?”

Erwin smiled gently. “Of course not. You did the right thing. I’m asking you to consider a promotion because you are competent, and your fellow soldiers respect you deeply. They listen to what you have to say, and they can follow it. You don’t need to be an excellent fighter, or even an excellent planner to be a squad leader. Right now, what we need is someone who can keep the troops willing to fight and follow our cause.”

“You just need someone to fill in the spaces, then.”

“Right now? Yes.”

“What if I fucking suck?”

“Then we’ll replace you, and you can return to your previous standing.”

“Damn, this sucks.”

“You can always refuse. We’ll find someone else.”  
“But I can’t. You get that, right? I know what’s right, and I know what I have to do. And if you want me to be a squad leader, then shit, I’m going to be a squad leader.”

~~

Mikasa, unlike the others, accepted without hesitation. Levi assumed that this would be the case—she had joined with humans, but her blood was Amirian. She understood what needed to be done, and understood the standing of her home planet. It only took minutes before she accepted, and went to Hanji for more information. Did she want to do it? Levi had no idea. Her expression never changed, and she accepted the promotion with a hard look in her eyes.

Erwin was right—at the young age of eighteen, she and Levi were far more similar than he would like to admit. He saw it in her eyes—the determination, the loss, all of that. He saw that in training, too. She could shut herself off and fight anyone, supposed friend or foe. 

“They all accepted,” Levi said, surprised at how quickly Hanji’s face lit up. “We can give them more information and—“

“Oh _God_ , Levi, this is great! Do you know how worried I was that they wouldn’t want to do it, I mean hell, I didn’t even want to be a general at first, you know? It’s so brave that they—“

“Hanji, chill.”

“Ah, sorry, I’m just…I’m proud, you know? These kids are young, and it’s great that they know what needs to be done. It’s hard, to make that choice.”

“Will I give them more information tomorrow, or will you?”

“I’d love to, I’m so excited to begin their training. Armin and I will probably begin to lay out plans tomorrow night, and we’ll be able to start figuring out how the hell we’re going to get to the capital from ___”

“I’ll speak to Mikasa about picking potential squad members. It would be good for all of the new generals to have a few close soldiers.”

“Excellent. If we work quickly enough, we can be back on Brakomi by the end of the weak. How are your injuries?”

“Well enough. Nothing I can’t function with.”

“Just be careful, we can’t afford to have you go down on the battle field.”

“I can take care of myself, shit glasses.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated this. Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read this fic, you guys are great haha


	5. Adjustment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pardon all of the jumping around and action scenes. They're my weakest point in writing, but the next chapter is probably going to be a big one. Thank you to everyone who's kept up with this series, and the infrequent updates. you guys are great :)

“Erwin, we’ll have to stick together until we reach the capital.”

“Of course. It’ll be easier, initially, to move in a single group.”

“Do we have a solid plan for when we reach the outskirts of the city?”

“I think we’re going to split into two groups and attack from different sides.”  
“So we’ll split up a few miles prior, then.”

“That should be fine.”

The landing on Brakomi was fairly smooth, and Hanji could only contribute that to the lack of troops and organization after their attack on the capital. Still, it was quiet, and Levi was surprised that they hadn’t encountered at least one stray ship trying to shoot them down. To the younger soldiers, it was a comfort, but Levi found himself tense, expecting the worst already. 

It didn’t make sense. The planet’s security systems should have been on high alert.

But now, they were within the atmosphere, and they were still alive. So he would keep moving from there and worry about it later.

He led his troops with Erwin, while Mike stationed himself in the middle and Hanji in the rear. Not even so much as an alarm to be shot across the planet. Levi kept his eyes on the sky, waiting for any sort of ship or signal to fly past.

Nothing.

Perhaps, they had just snuck under the satellites.

Unlikely, but possible. 

It was the woman in front of him that Levi noticed first. Five hours into the trek, it was the first bit of life that they had seen. Brakomi, with its large surface space, was not nearly as densely populated as Earth. And with several destroyed cities nearby, people were hesitant to live out here. The only groups that seemed to survive were radicalists, undercover organizations, and stragglers. 

She walked by, past a child, but the young boy didn’t follow.

Erwin, though, was the first to speak. “There’s a child over there,” he said softly, barely loud enough for the Amirian general to hear. 

Levi looked, and sure enough, there was a patch of messy, brown hair, wide, grey eyes, and that sickly blue skin coming towards them. The woman continued to go about her business. His clothing was tattered, but he caught sight of something under the child’s shirt, pressing against the fabric from the middle of his chest.

“Huh?” Levi’s head snapped to the side, and the small creature froze in his tracks. “ _Where’s your family, kid?_ ” he snarled in his native tongue. No time for this, he knew what was going to happen. Hell, he was probably the reason for their current predicament.

“ _Dead_.”

“ _Ah_.” That was more than enough for him to come to his conclusion.

Erwin, on the other hand, couldn’t process what was going on. At first, Levi was talking to the child, and the next second, his ears rang at the sound of a gunshot, followed by an explosion, ripping the child’s body and the ground beneath him apart.

The troops scrambled backwards, but the explosion wasn’t nearly large enough to reach any of them. 

“Levi, what the _hell_.”

“Move out. We need to keep marching towards our checkpoint for the night. Hanji and Mike are probably already there. This is going to set us behind if we don’t hurry the fuck up.”

“ _Levi_.” His hand curled around the Amirian’s wrist, only to have the smaller general hiss and pull himself away. He moved ahead, walking in silence, gun in his hands until they were settled into their next checkpoint. The five star generals set up their tent, and Mike and Hanji set off for patrol soon after.

Erwin knew Levi was going to try and make a run for it. He was going to mingle with the other soldiers, sit by himself, anything to get away from the blond. It was that look that Erwin had given him. He knew it would make the Amirian uncomfortable. So, as soon as Levi opened the flap to the tent, Erwin pulled him backwards hard enough to send him stumbling over his own feet and crashing into the human.

“Levi—“

“Shut up.”

“Levi, you shot a child.”

“A child that had a bomb fucking strapped to his chest.”

“ _What_?”

“Why the fuck else do you think he fucking blew the hell up?”

“I know, that’s not what I meant, I just—“

“What, you think I would just shoot him?” When Erwin didn’t respond, he could see that the Amirian honestly looked hurt. “I saw the device under his shirt.” Levi sighed. “Besides, if he was in trouble, he would have talked to the woman ahead of us.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“You honestly thought I would shoot a child—” 

“—No, I—“

“Without any reasoning. You think I would murder a child in cold blood for no _reason_.”

“ _Levi_.” It was that sharp, unfamiliar tone that shut him up. Levi’s eyes were blown wide, and his body was shaking, trying to repel itself from Erwin’s grasp. “Levi, I didn’t understand, it happened so quickly.”

“You’re a fucking general. You should be prepared for anything.”

“I know. I know, Levi. I’m sorry.” Erwin felt an unfamiliar embarrassment sink into his stomach. He had been 

The two of them stayed silent for a long time, gears whirring rapidly in Levi’s head. Things clicked into place, little by little, and finally, he narrowed his eyes, lips twisting into a deformed scowl. “You aren’t used to seeing me fight.”

“No.”

“Have you ever seen me kill?”

“Not on this side.”  
“Not so close, you mean.”

“We don’t have to discuss it, if it’s upsetting you.” This time, he wouldn’t call Erwin sharp for noticing his obvious discomfort. He felt tense, as tense as he usually was on the field, and the thought of Erwin touching him made him want to fucking puke. His chest stung, and he felt…betrayed, almost. He shouldn’t have been as mad as he was, he knew that, but he was exhausted, he was sure he fucking reeked, and he wanted to get some sleep before he was on patrol. 

“You forgot that I can kill,” Levi said a matter-of-fact tone in his voice. “You forgot that I’m a soldier, a fucking warrior that can kill anyone and anything if I fucking have to.”

“I was wrong to criticize your decision.”

“That’s all you have to say? We’re in the middle of a fucking war, and you forgot that I’m going to have to kill.”

Erwin swallowed. It seemed wrong to say anything else. He brushed his fingers against Levi’s cheek bones, and thank god, the Amirian didn’t pull away. Sure, he was still tense as all hell, and he seemed to be restraining himself from biting Erwin’s hand off, but he didn’t pull away. 

He focused his eyes on a spot just above Erwin’s head, trying not to think of his high cheek bones and his handsome face. Sometimes, he wanted to kiss him and his stupid, chapped lips, and other times, he wanted to punch his teeth out. Right now, Levi couldn’t figure out which one he wanted more. 

“I forgot our position in the war. I was being selfish, I wanted you to be innocent, and gentle and fuck, Levi, I didn’t mean to look at you the way I did.” 

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.”

“I’m used to it.” Still, Erwin knew that the Amirian was avoiding eye contact, keeping his body turned away from the blond while they spoke. 

“That doesn’t make it all right,” Erwin murmured, planting a kiss on Levi’s head. The Amirian felt his eyes drooping shut, and he fell against his lover’s chest, hands twisting into the fabric of his uniform. 

“It’s fine. I told you it’s fine, so it’s fucking fine. Leave it, I was being an oversensitive shit.”

Erwin knew that Levi would fucking kick his ass if he pushes the matter further, so all he does is kiss the smaller general on the lips in a tender, awkward sort of way. Still, Levi relished his warmth and pulled him closer. Now, whether or not he was pissed, he kissed Erwin like it was the last he would ever have.

They were on Brakomi, and he was constantly on high alert. He wasn’t going to take anything for granted, especially not Erwin.

“When are we on guard?”

“Five hours. We should try and rest.” 

Levi shrugged. “I’m fine. You can sleep if you want.”

~~

Shooting a child in cold blood. What had really gotten him was that Erwin was right. Sure, he had been correct in his prediction that the child had been sent to try and wipe out part of their army, but he hadn’t known that for sure. He had seen the child, made his choice, and pulled his gun on him. He lied to Erwin in the moment. 

He convinced himself that there was an explosive under his shirt, and thank God, he had been right. But he hadn’t hesitated. He saw a threat, and he eliminated.

As a general, hell as a fucking _soldier_ that was his job.

He hated that Erwin made him think so much about it. Hated that humans looked at him like he was some sort of fucking monster. He would shoot a child. Hell, he would torture a child to death to get information out of them.

Anything to end the war, anything to get this blood off of his hands and fucking off of his planet.

Levi cracked his eyes open, and found himself sandwiched between Erwin and the edge of the tent. Hanji was bustling around with Mike outside. He groaned, and sat up, shaking Erwin’s shoulder as he did so. “Get up, shit head. Sounds like it’s our turn.”

“Mff, yeah, alright,” Erwin grunted, but pulled the Amirian back down onto their thin blankets. 

“Hey—“ Soft lips covered Levi’s own, and he melted into the display of affection, arms curling around the blond’s torso. “Come on, let’sgo.”

This time, Erwin got up, taking the smaller general with him. “Alright. I’m sure the others are exhausted.”

“I still am, so I bet.”

They switched off with Mike and Hanji, lingering on the outskirts of their camp. Most soldiers were asleep, with only a few awake and conversing throughout their stakeout. 

“I’m sorry, about this.”

“What do you mean?’

Wordlessly, Erwin motioned to the city around them. 

Levi tried to smile. “It’s no big deal. What’s done is done, right?” Still, even he didn’t seem to believe those words. He looked around with clouded eyes, and spoke far less than usualUncomfortable silence surrounded the two generals as they did their rounds for the night. 

Erwin didn’t know what to expect when he approached Levi, who stood inside the ruins of what had to have been a small home. He thought maybe tears, or a fit of anger and vengeance. But usually, as he sometimes forgot, Levi was unpredictable.

“How many places, Erwin?”

“Hm?”

“How many places do you think I’ve done this to?” Levi whispered. His mother’s face. What did her body look like, crushed under whatever the hell she had been closest to? The Amirian already knew the answer to that—he had seen it so many times. On other planets, on the battle field, hell, even in the capital. 

The blond moved closer, and let his fingers rest against Levi’s elbow. “You didn’t have a choice. You’re forgetting that.” Considerate. Always so fucking kind and considerate.

Levi’s mouth twisted into a bitter smile. “I became a soldier to make a difference. I wanted to be the one to finish all of this.”

‘And you will be. We’re so close, Levi.”

“But what did I change? Look at the Capital. Look at the other planets we fought on. Hell, look at all of the humans and Amirians that I’ve tortured. How is that any different from the people I fought against?”

“Levi, you’re just doing your job.”

“Fuck _that_. Just doing my job has ruined so many lives just like mine.”

“You can feel guilty when the war is over. Remember?” Erwin felt bad, saying such a thing to his lover, but he knew what Levi needed to hear. The Amirian, no doubt, would have told him the same thing. They couldn’t afford to be soft, not when their entire army was depending on them. He doubted that Levi would falter on the field, but he couldn’t let even the slightest risk arise. Even more so than that, he hated the look on Levi’s face when he got like this. 

“You’re right,” Levi replied without hesitation. “You’re right,” he repeated. “There’s just too many memories here. When we advance, things will be fine.”

“Your mother died here.”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It isn’t your fault.”

Erwin shrugged. “We’ll move forward tomorrow, then.”

Levi nodded, and leaned against the rusting infrastructure. He motioned for Erwin to join him, and the blond obliged. “That would be best. Being around this place gives me chills.”

~~

“You never told me how you ended up here,” Levi said later that night. As the evening went on, it became harder to see, and the two soldiers settled on hoisting themselves up onto the infrastructure of fallen buildings, despite their unreliable stability, to try and get a better view of the surrounding area. “You and Mike are five star generals. No one of that rank leaves without a damned good reason.”

Erwin kept his mouth in a taut line, and stared up into the sky. Much like Earth, only stars and moons surrounded them. “Mike left because of Nanaba. He was the first five star to join the rebel cause.”

“Nanaba? How? I thought they met here?”

“They met on the field. He saved her life, apparently, and she returned the favor later on.”

“Romantic. Don’t see what that has to do with you, though.”

“After a while, hatred only breeds hatred.”

Levi nodded. “Interesting. You’re a noble man, then.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Humble as always,” Levi said with a smirk. “Either way, more’s been done in a year than in the last twenty.”

“Maybe we’re just getting lucky.”

“Maybe. You know how war is, though—we fight for years, and everything’s wrapped up in a few decisive days.”

“I think maybe, we’ll be able to live through the war.”

Levi snorted. “That’s ambitious. But you’re always like that.”

“Do you disagree?”

“I try not to look at the future.” Levi takes a sip of water from his canteen, and passes it off to Erwin. The human looks tired, and wished that he could have done this on his own. He knew the grounds better, and it only seemed to make Erwin a moving target. “There’s no point in wasting my time on dreams that can’t be fulfilled.”

“It gives you something to hope for.” The blond rested his head on Levi’s shoulder, despite the rough fabric of his uniform. He’s heavy, but Levi didn’t mind too much. His hands absentmindedly played with Erwin’s hair, twisting the blond strands around his fingers. 

“I wonder how our species will interact after this.” Or rather, how bad the power vacuum was going to be.

“I’m sure there will be a mutual rebuilding effort.” That was only what the human generals had discussed. Both of them knew that there was no definite answer to what would come after this. Twenty years was too long to get over grudges, and most definitely too long to cut off a war without any sort of long term plan.

Still, Levi pretended to agree. “Certainly.” Levi knew how realistic it would be for the two of them to part ways after the war. Brakomi would close its borders. No trade would go in and out for years at the very least. It would be a stretch to assume that they would willingly accept anything past basic help to rebuild their cities. What would Levi do? He was an enemy to both planets. “I think it would be best for me to die in battle,” he eventually said, and he felt Erwin tense up.

For everything this man had seen, he always seemed to be an optimist. “Why?” 

“There’s no place for me to go after this.”

~~~

It was quiet, as it had been the last time Levi had gotten close to the capital. This time, though, there was really something fucking wrong. Even the trek up until now had been fairly simple. And with the security measures he had put into place all those years ago, it should have been difficult for him to maneuver an entire army into the city so quickly.

“ _Something’s off_ ,” he clicked to Hanji, and they nodded. “ _Should we split?”_

_“Stay together. We might have to make a quick retreat.”_

_“If you think so._ ”

“Erwin, Mike, we’re sticking together,” Levi mutters, and triple checks to make sure that his guns are completely loaded. “What’s the reading on our target?”

“Security systems are down,” Hanji spewed automatically, stopping afterwards to look at their equipment again. “Wait…”

“They shouldn’t be.”

“If they’re down, then…why?”

Levi stopped, Erwin following suit. “It means no one worth capturing is here. The entire capital is fucking quiet because there’s no one to _fight_.” He spun around to face Hanji. “ _Shit_.”

“ _They saw right through the attack_!” Hanji hissed, slamming their hands against their head over and over and over again as if it would help them think faster. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit!” 

_“What the fuck. Then what the hell have our soldiers been fighting for?”_

_“I don’t know, but we need to pull them back and get to the ship as fast as we can.”_

_“And if we’re ambushed on the way back?”  
“Better than being ambushed here.”_

_“How long will it take?”_

_“Without stopping? We can do it in a day. They can rest in the ship.”_

_“Alright.”_

“Levi, what’s going on?” Erwin’s strained voice finally caught the Amirian’s attention.

“Saw through our plan. Don’t know what’s going on,” Levi snapped with no further explanation, and went back to his furious talking with Hanji.

“Then why the hell didn’t they stop us on the way in?”

“Maybe they wanted us to get here,” Hanji muttered, frantically setting up their gun to fire a retreat shot. “Fuck. Fucking fuck. Did they want us in the atmosphere?”

“There would be no point. They don’t have time for games,” Levi pointed out. “Would have just taken care of us on the way in.”

“Then where the hell _is_ everyone?” Erwin shouted, eyes wide and jaw tight. 

Levi snapped his head to the side and bared his teeth. “I don’t fucking _know_ , Erwin. If I fucking _knew_ , we could—“

Hanji’s gun hits the ground, and that stops all of them. For a moment, Levi thought they had been shot, but there was no gunfire. No soldiers around. He knew that look. Fuck, he knew that look in their eyes. It was that same goddamned look that they had when Brakomi began to turn on its generals. “I…” the sound was soft, almost inaudible.

“Hanji. Hanji, what is it?” Levi snapped into a mode that Erwin had never seen before, with his face dangerously close to the other Amirians. His hands grabbed their shoulders firmly, as if to keep them standing. “What’s going on? You know, don’t you? Is that why you’re going to be sick?”  
Hanji never puked, collapsed, or even stopped to compose themselves before this. But now, they looked like they were going to heave, and Erwin had never been more terrified in his life. They fired the retreat signal into the air, and turned, all but dragging Levi and Erwin with them. “We aren’t the target.”

“ _What_? Of course we’re the fucking target,” Levi snapped. “The whole fucking point of the war is that we’re the target.”

“Indirectly. Get the troops back to the ship. As soon as we’re on board, I’ll explain. We need to get there and off this planet, _now.”_

_“_ Where are we going?” 

“We need to get in contact with Dot Pixis or Zacklay as soon as possible.”

“What?” 

“This is going to turn into a fucking bloodbath if we don’t hurry up, Levi.”

Levi, knowing that he wasn’t going to get any more out of the Amirian general, started to round up his troops.

He saw the confusion on Erwin’s face, and the panic on Hanji’s, and knew he needed to move.

_~~_

With only a few dozen casualties, they were back on the ship. Not necessarily safe, but at least on the ship and on their way out of the atmosphere. 

“Alright, shitglasses. Who’s the target?” Hanji’s fingers flew across the keyboards of the control room, pulling up maps from previous wars, diagrams, and shit that Levi didn’t even knew they _had_ on this ship. None of it had been used for planning, for security reasons, which made Hanji’s hurried movements and obvious lack of care more worrisome.

“The rebel army isn’t well known on Brakomi. Even when you escaped your trial, you had no idea that it existed.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re handing out fucking advertisements,” Levi spat.

Hanji ignored the snide remark, and continued. “That being said, mutiny on Brakomi is at an all time high, with soldiers either rebelling or straight up refusing to cooperate with the army’s demands.”

“What are you getting at?”

Erwin figured it out first. “You’re saying that they didn’t notice Amirian soldiers that were on our side. They assumed they were part of their own.”

“Yes. So that leaves only human soldiers attacking the capital.”

Levi’s jaw tightened. “So, you’re saying that if they don’t know that there’s a rebel army, and they don’t know that other Amirians are involved, then…”

“It’s an entirely human attack. Because of our high security while taking out the satellites, the attacks couldn’t be pinned on a specific group.” Hanji paused for a moment. “And realistically, even if they _did_ know of the rebel army, they could feign ignorance and use it as an excuse for a direct attack on the human army.”

“We fucked over any chance of a peace treaty, didn’t we?” Levi whispered, and buried his face in his hands. Fucking stupid. They should have planned for something like this. They should have been more careful. Of course mutiny was at an all time high. That’s why he had been able to get off of Brakomi in the first place.

“Will they even waste time with the army?” 

Erwin’s question casted an uncomfortable silence over the group. “We invaded their planet, completely bypassed any military ships, and went straight for the heart of Brakomi’s main city.” He ran a hand through his messy blond hair, trying to flatten it the best he could. “If it were me, I would go straight to Earth and blow it to bits.”  
“And do you think we should follow that thought?” Hanji inquired. “We can notify the Pixis, and head straight to earth. That doesn’t solve the issue of what will happen if we try to get anywhere near the planet, though.”

Erwin stared at the maps for what felt like hours before responding. “I think, if I try to communicate with the other human generals, it will be successful. That, and if Pixis agrees that we should intercept, he’ll make sure that there are no issues. After all, he’s been funding us under the table for so long that it’s unlikely he’d turn his back on us now.”

“Still, it’s a huge risk.”

“I trust Erwin’s plan. If we wait around too long, and Amirian soldiers step so much as one foot on Earth, this war isn’t going to end until one of the planets is completely decimated,” Levi pointed out. “We don’t have a choice. We need to do _something_.”

“Alright. Get everything ready, and I’ll contact Pixis.”

~~

“We need to get as much ammunition as we can. I don’t understand the terrain of your planet, but it’s so densely populated that no matter where we land, someone’s going to get involved. We can’t—“

Erwin taps Levi’s elbow, stopping him in mid sentence. “You’re rambling.”

“I’m sorry.”  
“Why are you getting so worked up? It’s not your planet.”

“But it’s yours.”

“And?”

“Your parents are still alive. The last thing I need is for them to die because we made a stupid fucking choice.”

“Levi—“

“Shut up. We don’t have time for petty talk.” Levi turned away from Erwin and trudged down the halls, pulling his military vest on as he moved. “When are we getting the affirmative from Hanji?”

“Dot is contacting Zacklay to get an official confirmation. Amirian troops have already been sighted a few hundred miles off.”

“Will we make it?”

“In time to keep the planet from getting completely decimated, probably.”

“They’ll land on the surface, though?”

“It’s possible.”

“Are you worried?”

That, Erwin didn’t answer. His face was as hard as the first time Levi had met him, hiding his emotions, his fears. There wasn’t time for that now. He had to move, and get ready to fight. 

Brakomi had yet to penetrate Earth’s atmosphere throughout the entire thirty year war. In the last few months, it didn’t seem possible for an attack to be launched, but royalty was getting desperate, and this war was becoming more and more of a disaster.

“Whatever happens, Erwin, know that I’m fighting on your side.” He got a simple nod from the human, and that was going to have to be enough for now. 

 

 

 


	6. Rift

They slept in shifts—Levi for two, and Erwin for two. Armin and Jean stayed close at all times, the former reviewing plans over and over and over until he was absolutely positive they would be successful. He saw Erwin and himself in them, and let them work in the planning room with him.

Zacklay would reach them any minute, and from there, only Erwin would be conversing. The less Amirian influence, the better, and the less Armin and Jean heard, the better. 

The signal came quick, on a hologram machine they hardly ever used, and frantically, they scooped up papers and shuffled themselves about to leave the blond and human commander to their business.

“Amirian ships around Earth, Erwin?” He heard the voice before anything could be seen. “Our radars have yet to pick it up. Can your sources confirm it?”

“Not yet, but there’s little doubt that they would be headed anywhere else,” he said confidently. “We initiated an attack, and it’s likely that they’re planning a counterstrike.”

Erwin held his breath, and watched Zacklay’s hologram pace around the room. He looked out past the control panel, at the ships hovering around their mothership, the soldiers doing routine repairs. “The other general, Levi is his name, right?” he begins. “You’ve been in contact with him before.”

Erwin shakes his head. “Only on the field. I would consider him an unintentional acquirement to our cause.”

“Unintentional?” Zacklay inquired, rubbing his beard. “Is he to be trusted?”

“Absolutely.”

“You’re softer, Erwin.”

The blond smiles, not letting it reach his eyes. “I must disagree, sir.” 

“There have been issues with what will come at the end of the war,” Zacklay said flatly. 

“Issues?”

“Humans do not like Amirians, and Amirians do not like humans.”

“War doesn’t end fighting,” Erwin replied. “Rebuilding will stop fighting, ceasefires, agreements, trading routes. It’s been thirty years, of course people are hesitant.”

“But people control politics, they control the government.”

Erwin doesn’t bat an eye. “I think, sir, it hasn’t been that way for many years.

“To try and build human sympathy, we need to add more human generals.”

“Are Mike and I not enough?”

“We need a woman. Someone soft, someone kind that the people will love. Those generals will bring advocation towards Amirian centered issues.”

“What do you think it will take, to heal relations?” Erwin asked. He knew, what humans wanted. Violent, always violent, they would want blood. Trials for war crimes, executions, torture. 

“Everyone knows about last year’s failures, the battles, the generals.”

“You want Levi dead.”

“The people want Levi dead.”

“He’s committed no crimes, he’s innocent!”

Zacklay sighs. “Not to the parents who have lost children, to the children who lost siblings,” he explained, but that wasn’t good enough for Erwin.

“And if we don’t hand him over?”

“Then you have no funding for your cause. The human army will interfere and remove him by force after the war is complete, and a jury will be brought forward to address his actions.

Zacklay has never been against him. He’s never been so forward, so in line with the peoples’ demands. He knew Levi’s death wasn’t what this man wanted, not what would appease the people. Brakomi would not weep at losing Levi, no one but the few soldiers that had followed him on this ship, those who had come to think of him as part of their family. “It is a shame, though, to lose such a good soldier.”

Zacklay wasn’t like that. The gears whir in Erwin’s head, spinning and spinning until he reaches his conclusion. He presented Erwin with a warning, and as between the lines as it was, the blond was going to take it and run. “The agents joining us?”

“Agents?”

“Generals, I’m sorry.”

“Marie and Nile, from the first rank military training academy in England. Both were in your trainee class, I would suspect you know them well.”

And oh, did he. 

But they weren’t just anybody, they were the right people. The right people to put with Erwin, with Levi, with Mike. “I understand.”

The situation, past Zacklay’s words, wasn’t as it seemed. His harsh expression gave no indication, his movements no leeway. 

But Erwin was always, always, two steps ahead. 

“What is your plan of action, Erwin?”

“We’re planning a multi-craft attack. Ideally, we’ll send excess troops to the surface incase of an atmospheric breach. Otherwise, most firepower will be thrown into invading enemy ships, and capturing the figureheads as quickly and efficiently as possible.”

“Estimated casualties?” 

“No one can say.”

“Any number would be good.”

The blond sighed. “Thirty percent.” It was high, considering the amount of troops they had, considering everything that was going into this mission.

“Thirty percent,” the man murmured, and lifted his hand up to stare at his wrist. “Quite an estimate.”

“Nothing is certain, Zacklay.”  
“And we’ll hope it leans in our favor.”  
Always, always, two steps ahead.

“Sir, I will do _anything_ to end this war.”

~~

He came back to find Levi stripping off his training clothing, skin slicked with sweat and eyes tired. Erwin didn’t know where to begin, so he grabbed Levi by his hips, despite the Amirian’s protest that he reeked, and he needed to shower before they did anything like this, and sat him down on the bed. 

“The human army wants you dead.” It was straightforward, as painfully so as it could be. Still, Levi felt something well up in his chest, and he couldn’t help but laugh. Laugh so hard that tears sprung to his eyes and his teeth flashed at the blond’s concerned, all too serious face.

“Of course they want me dead, Erwin. What, you think they wanted to invite me over for tea?” he said with a howl, and rubbed the tears out of his eyes. “Erwin, what’s wrong? If they want me, they can have me.”

Still, the blond said nothing. Stared at Levi’s face, but never met his eyes.

“I get it, you don’t want to.”

It was Erwin’s turn to laugh. “Why would I?”

“Give you a chance to get the hell out of here, I guess.”

“And what do you think they’ll do after you’re hanging from a rope? I’m going to get slapped with harboring an enemy, and I’m going to be right by your side.”

“I suppose so.”

“They’re bringing two generals to the ship.”

“ _What_.” Levi snapped in Amirian first, then a harsh “Explain, Erwin,” in English.

“Two old friends from the academy. I didn’t know they were still part of the cause, or even alive. But they’re coming here to—“

“Gather information. Spew it back to the government.”

“Yes, something like that.”

“They’re you’re friends?”

“Yes, my best friends when I was growing up.”

“Ah, so they’re trying to win you over with kindness.”

“Politicians are hoping it will give you unpopularity in the public eye when the war ends.”

“And Zacklay is a man of the people,” Levi muttered. “But he won’t shoot me dead unless the public wants it.”

“He has no opinion. He’s not that sort of man. They won’t get in the way of our progress.”

“And what will you do, if they try to?” Levi hummed, burying his face in the blond’s shoulder. No response. “Erwin? Will you kill them?” 

“I…”

“Could you kill another man?”

“I don’t want to.”

“What if they endanger _me_ , or _Mike_.” And he looked up, because he wanted to see. He wanted to see that darkness cloud Erwin’s eyes, fill him with fear and hatred and disgust. “Can you kill them? They’re your best friends, aren’t they?”

“You let Petra die, didn’t you?”

Levi smiled, never letting it spread all the way across his face. “Did you love Marie?” the accusation was quick, accurate, stinging.

Still, Erwin didn’t budge. “Yes.”

“Do you now? If it was this war, or her, who would you choose? Would you have her killed?”

Erwin breathed out, cold, walled in. “I would pull the trigger myself.”

~~~

The two of them transported in under a day. Highly dangerous, travel not fit for any more than a handful of humans at a time, Marie and Nile landed in the bowels of their ship, and came up to greet Erwin with smiles and familiar greetings. 

Marie was beautiful. Her amber hair curled around her face, short, harsh, and her golden eyes seemed to light up the room.  
She would have been a princess, back at home, Levi imagined. Nile, though not ugly, was nothing special. She, he already knew, would be the main obstacle.

Levi hated her. He couldn’t put his finger on anything she said, but it was the way she looked at him, how she smiled at Erwin and ran her fingers down his arm when they spoke. Her voice was like wind chimes, gentle, beautiful, something he could never have.

And he knew, he knew what this was about. He knew why Nile and Marie were there—Zacklay’s orders, an attempt to tear them apart. The Commander in Chief was trying to save them, trying to warn them, but what good did that do when two double agents were surrounding them at absolutely all times?

Humanity wanted Levi’s head on a silver platter, something to throw to the masses and their anger. He knows that they’ll do it. He saw how Erwin reacted, how he had turned away from Levi despite their love, their intimacy.

But Erwin fell for it. His eyes softened at her rosy cheeks, her white smile, her peachy skin.

Those were things Levi could never have.

She was kind, just doing her job, but Levi’s stomach twisted and his heart tightened in a way that made him want to vomit. Bile churned in his stomach, reminding, reminding, of what was going to happen.

He kept a knife in his back pocket at all times, just in case. Erwin had warned him, and Erwin’s guess had been right. Of course, they were double agents. What else could they be? They weren’t chosen by the rebel army, they were plants, meant to gather information.

And fuck, were they good. 

He leaned up to kiss Erwin on the lips, only to have the blond pull away, half distracted already by his work.

“Erwin, what the fuck?”  
“Not now, Levi.”

His ear flicked against his skull, and irritation couldn’t even begin to describe it.

Erwin didn’t make note of it, but he went to bed later, stayed out longer, and told Levi less and less, until their interactions were based solely on grabbing at each other in the supply closets or empty rooms to get a quickie in before going back on duty. 

Oh, God, were they good.

It had only been a few days, they still weren’t anywhere near Earth, and at this rate, it would take another two to reach their destination. 

Even the most up to date technology couldn’t thwart time.

“What’s wrong, you already get laid?”

“I’m sorry, Levi.” 

“Oh, fuck, you did something stupid, didn’t you. Holy shit, Erwin—“  
The blond rubbed his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. “No, Levi, I didn’t do anything.”  
“The fuck are you apologizing for, then?”

“It’s getting to me, with Marie being around all the time. I’m keeping my walls up, and it’s just…I can’t afford to let them down.”

“So you’re going to go and shut me out, too?” Levi snapped. He understood, but it was bullshit. He wasn’t supposed to be like them. He was supposed to be by Erwin’s side, his friend, one of the few things he could trust.

He saw guilt in those beautiful cerulean eyes, and he looked away. “I’m sorry, Levi, I just—“

“You ‘just’ what?”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

The words hit him hard, squeezing his chest and pushing the air right out of him. He felt the swell of his heart, and he slapped Erwin’s hands away from his face, planting a kiss on the man’s lips. “Forget it,” he whispered, and held him there, small hands around the human’s neck. “Go back to work, it’s fine. You’re fine.”

“I love you, Levi.”

“I know.”

Fucking shit. Nearly plowing into Marie on his way out the door, he snapped a harsh, uncalled for, “ _Fucking bitch,_ ” in his native tongue before barreling down the hallway. As soon as he saw her perfectly symmetrical face, anger coiled in his gut, spewing out of him before he could catch himself.

But he panicked, because in her eyes, he saw hurt. Hurt, offense, and pure, unhidden understanding.

~~

He tested it an hour later, when she came to see how Hanji’s plans were going.

“ _None of this shit is working, Hanji,”_ Levi grumbled. “ _Fucking slit my throat, this won’t work. We can’t deploy our troops on land after the attack.”_

“ _Erwin got any ideas?”_

_“How should I fucking know? Too busy fucking around with Marie.”_

As subtly as she could, Levi saw her levitate closer to the conversation. “ _I haven’t been speaking to him as often. I’ll ask about the plans tonight.”_

_“Oh?”_

_“Too busy.”_

_“How’s Erwin taking it_?”

Levi shook his head. Quick, firm. He didn’t look at Armin, only looked at Marie’s feet as she paced around the room. 

“ _Levi_?”

“ _I need to get a glass of water._ ”

“ _I’ll join you_.”

As soon as they’re out the door, Levi snapped his head around, checking behind them every few seconds until they hit Hanji’s office. “She can speak, can’t she.”

“She’s been listening in on our conversations for the last few hours.”

“I had a feeling,” Hanji murmured, and adjusted their glasses. “You were too careful. Trying not to swear in front of a lady, are we?”

“A lady? I don’t think so.”

“We’ll inform Armin and Jean, as well as the other generals.”

“ _Do you hate her_?” Hanji clicked, shuffling through their desk. 

Levi didn’t even hesitate. _“Yes_.”

“And Erwin?” Hanji switched back to English, any dangerous conversation covered up beneath their language barrier.

Levi laughed, eyes cold and steely. “What’s not to like about her?”  
~~

Levi sneered. Of coursed Erwin liked her. She was _human_. Like him, beautiful, wonderful. He knew the plan he knew what they expected him to do, and he was so, so close to giving in.

But Erwin had not made him soft, and he had not made Erwin so.

The blond runs his fingers up the v of Levi’s hips, so, so close to his cock. He gasps, but doesn’t beg for more, letting Erwin move around his painfully hard length. “Erwin, _Erwin,_ not now, please,” he gasped out, and reluctantly, the blond pulled away, hurt scrawled all over his face.

“I’m not…I’m not human, Erwin.”

The blond pursed his lips. “Why does it matter? You’re Levi, you’re you.” His lips brush against the smaller general’s neck, his collarbones, his nipples. 

Levi shook his head, now embarrassed that he had said anything. It was all stupid paranoia, self doubt, loathing, jealousy. “I wish I could be beautiful for you. A human.”

Erwin laughed, a soft, pitiful noise that only showed how tired, how exhausted he was. “I told you, Levi—you’re you.” He breathed out, letting the hot air tickle his lover’s skin. “Why do you want to be human?”

The heat coiled in his stomach, pressure, too much pressure. “I told you,” he grunted, “Erwin, _please_.”

“You’re perfect like this.”

“But Marie—“ Levi stopped, hissing at the sensation of Erwin’s hand around his cock. He pulled hit out of his pants, giving it a few slow, torturous pumps.

“Marie? Why would I do a thing like this with _Marie_?” His tongue flicks out against Levi’s skin, down, down, down to that thick, all consuming pressure. He took him in, all of him, down to his base, and released it with a loud pop.

“I’m playing her, Levi.”

“Oh?” He shuddered, and pulled at the blond’s hair. More, he needed more. He tugs, trying to push the man down on his length, to take him into that warm, perfect mouth of his. 

“Would you like to see another man so close to your wife?”

“They’re married,” the Amirian gasps out, back arching when Erwin takes him back in. God, he needed this, needed release. Erwin’s tongue laps at his flesh, consuming him, swirling around him and driving him absolutely _mad_. “Fuck, Erwin, they’re _married_.” He was close, so fucking close, but Erwin pulled away, flipping him over to press two fingers at his entrance. 

They were hasty, too busy to do this, too desperate to not. Slicked up, the two fingers went in slow, stretching him, molding him to Erwin’s shape. “They’re double agents. They don’t mean to be cruel, but we cannot afford to be kind.”

Levi whined at the loss when Erwin pulled away, squirming beneath him. “You seem pretty fucking _kind_ to her.”

“Is it kind, to lead someone on? To destroy their life from the inside out?”

“Are you?” 

Erwin pushed into him, swelling length going deeper, deeper, until tears pricked at his eyes. Warm, close, Levi gasped out, when Erwin pulled him up by the hair, free hand locking around his waist. “Levi, _God,_ Levi.”

His eyes, pure, milky white, drooped half shut, body moving with Erwin’s. “ _Fuck_.”

He came too fast, all over himself and the sheets, and Erwin kept pounding into him. Fucking him and driving him insane until he pulled out with a low groan, releasing all over his lover’s lower back and ass. 

“If you don’t take care of her, I will.”

~~

Erwin kept his promise the very next meeting.

The more Levi heard that sweet, beautiful voice, the more he hated it. The more he wanted to punch her lights out, to jettison her out of the spacecraft.

But Erwin handled it properly, diplomatically. She opened her mouth, and oh, Levi knew she was intelligent, that everything she said had a second meaning. “Do you think it’s acceptable for two Amirians to be in a single pod?”

Levi had to work with Hanji. That was the plan. Erwin and Levi, for their own sakes, could not be together. Mike only piloted with Nanaba.  
There was no other way.

Erwin shifted his papers around, and his eyes shone cold, bright azure, narrowed, unreadable. He had his walls up, just like when they had first met, with no warmth behind them. Levi waited, oxygen thick in his lungs. Nile sat beside him, picking at the hairs on his arms. 

Nile was an intelligent man. Sharp, too. He was fucking terrifying, how heavily he relied on his emotions. 

“Don’t talk about Levi that way.”

But beneath that cold, hard face, Levi saw anger. An anger so pure and unmatched that he felt a cold shiver run up his spine, and he was sure everyone else in the room saw it, too.

“Erwin, it’s fine.”

“It’s not,” Erwin says back, harsh, demanding in a way Levi hardly hears. “Is it Levi, or is it his being?”

Marie laughs, light, soft, but all it does is pool dread in the back of Levi’s mouth. “Erwin, I’m following policy. You know the rules we have down in the government.”

“Is the _government_ about to get into those fuck-shit pods?” Levi snapped. “Why don’t they learn what’s good for them and let the generals do the planning.”

He expected scolding, a sideways glance from Erwin that told him to shut up. Instead, he got a firm, “I believe Levi is correct.” He slid a list of current high ranking generals over to Marie, and she didn’t so much as glance down. “Ideally, we would follow said rules, but in order to confirm a high success rate, the arrangements must stay this way.”

“Why don’t _I_ pilot with Levi.”

“Absolutely not, the new generals should have veteran experience.”

“If their shit rules are more important than getting this sorted out,” Levi snarled. “I don’t want to waste my breath on fools.” Flat, his voice was dead, with Erwin not sure where his pure white eyes were looking. “I’m a general, not a politician. You want me to stop fighting? Fine, I’ll pack my shit and get the fuck out of here, and _they_ can deal with the thousands of soldiers coming to decimate them. How’s that?”

They expected softness. The men on Earth expected to weaken up at the flirtation of a woman, of a girl he’s loved most of his life. But when she faced Levi with that look, that look he knew all too well, that look that he had let shine even in his own eyes, he couldn’t.

Humans wanted him dead.

Marie was a kind girl, Marie was only following orders.

“I want this sorted out and to have a complete plan in three hours, Marie.”

“Erwin—“

“Three. Hours.”

~~

Levi knocked on her door, praying, praying that he could keep this face on. That he won’t slip up, that he won’t let Erwin down. He didn’t let the blond know that he was doing this, only that he was going out for a few hours, to clear his mind. The door opened, and he began by taking a step forward, keeping his hands stuffed into his pockets. “Marie—“

No, not Marie. Her partner, Nile, stood in the doorframe, looking like he had just rolled out of bed. His spine went rigid, and he looked Levi up and down like the Amirian was about to pounce. “Levi, it’s late.”

“This takes priority.” 

He believed Levi, and let him in, let him sit at his desk while Nile collapsed back onto his bed. “Does Erwin know you’re here?”

“Is he my fucking keeper?”

“Fair.” Nile was tired, so tired that Levi could sense it. His circles marked under his eyes dark, dark from stress. “Marie has been out late.”

“And Erwin as well.” Nile swallowed hard, adverting his gaze from the other man’s. “Do you think—“

“Cut the shit,” the Amirian snapped, but didn’t completely dismiss the thought. Embarrassing, he thought, that he couldn’t trust his lover. A beautiful man with bright, tired eyes and a body that couldn’t be matched by any other. But Marie was a woman to compliment that. Someone so beautiful, so perfect, that Levi couldn’t help but let doubt slide into his mind. 

But that was what they had wanted.

He shut down the thought before it could sow any more seeds. It was, after all, Nile’s job to ruin him. “She speaks Amirian. You do as well.” 

“I’ve only studied in school. Never seriously enough,” Nile admitted, but Levi didn’t buy it.

“She listens to our private conversations. Is she hoping to overhear something _more_ than what we tell you?” Levi wonders, half to himself, half to the human. 

“Why did you come in to see Marie?” Nile asked, dodging Levi’s words, his accusations.

Levi looked at this human, with his horrific beard and his tired, tired composure, and he felt guilty. Guilty that he had been given this burden, that they were trying to pull apart a cause they knew nothing about. “I wanted to tell her that it was alright.”

“Excuse me?”

“You two are doing your jobs,” Levi says, matter of factly. What else is there to say? “You were given specific commands, whether from Zacklay or another source, I don’t know,” he continued.

“Levi, I’m sorry.”

“And so am I.”

Nile raises a brow. “Why? You didn’t choose to live this way.”

He did, though. All of them, these generals, they all chose this. “I’m sorry, Nile, because despite the orders given to you, I have my own to follow, as does Erwin, and I will _not_ let you get in our way.”

“I understand.”

“How many lives, Nile, are your orders worth?” 

“This is war, Levi. Lives are going to be lost.”  
“And is Marie’s an acceptable sacrifice?”

“Erwin won’t let her get hurt.”

“Why, because he used to love her?” Levi snarls, hitting Nile’s bluff and shredding it. “You think I don’t see it? She was planted here for a reason. _You_ were planted here for a reason. Erwin is surrounded by an old crush and a best friend. They expect him to go soft.”  
“And do you think they’re right?”

“That depends,” Levi murmured. “Who’s side are you on? Because we’ve made our decisions, and we’ll stick to them.”

~~

Levi, or Marie? That was the obstacle they had thrown in his place.

And the answer was obvious. He looked at Marie, her beautiful, golden eyes, her long hair that she braided to keep out of her face.

She was Nile’s, and Levi was his.

Still, here she was, sobbing in his arms about orders she didn’t want to follow, battles she didn’t want to fight, and all he could feel was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable that he didn’t know what to do, uncomfortable that he felt a twinge of anger, almost wanting to tell her to suck it up, because after all, her only job was to pass on information, to use the training she got from school, and to apply it here.

All he did, though, was hold her, stroke her amber hair, words dead in his mouth. 

  _Just because I love you does not mean that it will affect how I treat you._

He pushed, nearly threw her back, sending her stumbling away from him. It hit him too quick, shot through his mind like the crack of a whip. “Get out.”

“Erwin, you don’t understand, I need help, I need you—“

“You have orders to follow.” Cold, he could shut himself down so easily, bring that shield right back up to where it had always been.

Perhaps, Levi had made him soft, but without Levi, what was there to leave himself open for?

~~

Armin huddled up next to Levi with a blanket draped around his shoulder and a bandage around his head. “Tomorrow,” he said solemnly and let Jean’s sleeping form lean against him. “And we can’t mess it up.”

“It’s smart, to put men on the ground, just in case.”

“I hope all they have to do is stand around.”

‘If Amirian ships land on the surface, it’s over.” 

Levi looked at him, the boy’sdowncast eyes, the weight on his shoulders that never seemed to let up. In this boy, he saw Erwin. “Are you going to be able to fight with Jean as your copilot?”

The blond shot him a look like he had started to grow another head. “I can, and I will.”

“You seem confident.”

“Others have already asked me the same thing.” Young, so young. But he had seen war, like everyone else, and he was numb. Numb to pain and destruction, screaming and suffering.

“Still, not many soldiers are like you.”

“I’d rather my best friend die with me than without me.”

And Levi understood. He only offered Armin a nod, but the dynamic was so similar, so familiar. 

“Will you be fighting with Erwin?” The boy’s voice was soft, gentle, and how Levi longed to have a voice like that. All he had were accented words that never rolled off his tongue quiet right. 

Levi shook his head. “No, with Hanji. Erwin will be piloting with Nile Dok.”

He saw Armin hesitate before opening his mouth, saw his eyes flicker to Marie and her husband across the room, who seemed to be chatting amongst themselves and Erwin. “Is that safe?”

“Marie will be in another ship, with an unrelated pilot. Her communications will be cut off, leaving all transmissions to her partner.”

He nodded, blond hairs falling into his face. “She can speak your language, right?” 

“You could tell, too?” If Armin had said it, then it wasn’t just him. He was correct, there could be no doubt left.

“She’s not subtle.”

“I don’t think she’s trying to be.”

Armin nodded. “Levi?”

“What, kid?”

“Do you think killing all those soldiers, on the Amirian side I mean…do you think that’s worth saving your best friend?” He saw the glance down at Jean, the uncertainty in those pooling blue eyes.

“Is that what you’re fighting for?”

The new general held weight on his shoulders. He was the one that took lives away, that gave orders that could change the tide of a battle. “I don’t know.”

“Whatever you think is right, Armin, you do.”

~~

“You’re dating Erwin?” The question was so sudden, so abrupt, that Levi found himself choking on his water, pounding his chest to try and clear his lungs. 

“I don’t fucking date.” 

“I won’t tell, you know.” Sweet, so sweet, with words laced with venom. 

Levi slammed the cup down on the table, and saw her flinch. A brute, that’s what he was to her. “If that’s your main concern right now, you should be disgusted with yourself.”

“Sex builds morale,” she points out.

“Should you be worrying about your husband, then?” Levi jabbed, and he saw Marie’s eyes widen from the corner of his eyes. She wasn’t a bad girl, but this wasn’t where she should have been. She shouldn’t have been a double agent, shouldn’t have been trying to take advantage of generals so far out of her league.

She was new, though, to an environment like this, and Amirians were not humans. 

“I have no husband.”

“Nile Dok, leader of the 151st brigade, is married to one Marie Elizabeth Dok, Made official the twenty first of April, in the year—“

“ _How did you know that_ ,” she clicked, harsh, piercing, and Levi kept his smirk to himself. 

_Got you._ _“I didn’t know you spoke_.”

She smiled. _“Of course you did. Only the other soldiers were stupid enough to spill anything around me. You’re so careful.”_

_“Can I afford not to be?”_

_“You’re trying to get my ass kicked.”_ Levi said, flat, so uninterested. He put up that facade, but his chest stung with a rage he couldn’t comprehend, and hell, what he wouldn’t give to punch her lights out. 

_She’s just doing her job_ , he reminded himself. Just trying to make him angry, just trying to make him cave in.

Still, Levi made sure to run his hand down Erwin’s back when they spoke, and to give him a kiss on the cheek before they parted ways for the evening.

~~

Levi looked at Erwin, a reminder of what they were fighting for, despite bosses, higher up orders, personal interest. This was a war that needed to end today. Today, tomorrow, soon. Hell, it didn’t matter. As long as this was their final string of battles, their final losses, their final plans.

One last time, they brought their lips together, a promise, a prayer that they would come back alive. “You know what to do, Erwin.”

As long as this fucking ended, and a ceasefire was finally, after all these years, put in place, Levi would not morn if his eyes never got to see it. He would die, and let his fellow soldiers rejoice, dance, drink until they couldn’t see straight.  
It was a soldier’s duty, to die for the sake of others.

He would lay his life down for Erwin in a heartbeat. For Hanji, for Armin, for Jean.

“Ready?” 

They had to be ready. Gooseflesh scattered across Armin’s skin, and from the corner of his eyes, Levi saw Jean wrap an arm around his shoulder and give him a tight squeeze. They should know, given Levi and Erwin’s situation, that it wasn’t safe to do that. They should know what’s going to come from it, the uncertainty, the trials that came with it.

They slipped into their gear silently, the weight of a war on their shoulders. Victory, or annihilation. The pods, checked over and over and fucking over, were all set. Ymir, the mechanic, watched as they boarded, giving one more routine look over before giving the affirmative. 

“Levi and Hanji, set,” he said through the radio, receiving the affirmative seconds later. Their attempts to hide their technology, the years and years of information that had piled up, was becoming more and more useless. Up to date star ships needed to be used, up to date transport technology, communication technology. And if the other army tracked them, so be it. They pulled out codes, strategies, everything they could to slide themselves under the radar.

“Erwin and Nile, set.”

“Mike and Nanaba, set.”

“Armin and Jean, set.”

“Eren and Historia, set.”

“Mikasa and Marie, set.”

Hanji laughed, loud, piercing. “ _You slapped her with Mikasa?_ ”

“ _Mikasa will rip her throat out if anything falls even the slightest out of place._ ” That, and she wouldn’t hesitate. He had pulled her aside the night before, telling her _exactly_ what the orders were. If Marie tried anything, _anything,_ at all, to kill her on the spot, and continue piloting alone. Difficult, yes, but nothing she couldn’t manage.

Hanji switched their glasses for piloting goggles. _“I don’t doubt it. You should have seen what Bertolt looked like last week.”_

“ _She get him good?”_

_“Almost gave him a concussion. And the kid’s huge, I don’t know how she did it.”  
_ Levi had seen Mikasa in action, though. She was precise, she had clear goals, and she wasn’t deviated by manipulation, sweet words, or difficult situations. _“She wants to protect Eren. Marie deviatingfrom their instructions causes a danger to the rest of the army.”_

Hanji nodded. _“Smart._ ”

“Alright, Ymir’s going to open the port, all of you better get your asses back here alive!”

~~

“Ymir caught onto a discrepancy while maintaining the ships. Someone happened to…slice the wires in Eren’s control panel,” Mikasa said flatly, eyes like eyes and tongue piercing. She shot the spacecraft forward. “Someone must’ve been fucking around before we departed.

She saw Marie swallow, focus just too hard on the endless space before them. “I’m glad that he’s going to be alright.”

“Too bad that wasn’t originally his ship.”

“What do you mean?” Too sweet.

“Levi and Erwin were to originally pilot that spacecraft. Everyone knew that. It had extra safety features.”

“Had?” 

“They were destroyed, the control panels were so damaged that those features needed to be removed in order to salvage the ship.”

“I see.’ 

“There’s one thing I can tell you, Marie.”

She looks behind her, and comes face to face with dead onyx eyes, and steel features. Mikasa, terrifyingly beautiful, stared her down, a cat waiting to pounce on its prey. “Anyone who fucks with Eren’s gonna answer to me.”

“Girls shouldn’t talk like that when they’ve got no bite.”

Not the thing to say. “Marie, I want you to listen closely.” She breathed out, shaky, heavy, and her eyes sparkled from the lights of the controls. “ _No one_ will get in the way of my only family.”

And in this war, that meant so much more than any of them could describe. 

~~

“Levi, _pull up_!” Hanji screeched, and just in time, the shot flew past them, slamming into the ship behind them. There was the screech of metal, the whirring of engines trying to keep up, followed by that all to familiar bang of an explosion.

“ _Fuck_.”

“ _They’re gone, keep going.”_

_“Who was it?”_

_“Ship 785, Mike Zacharius and Nanaba.”_

_“Fuck. Fucking hell_.”

“ _Erwin’s going to be fine.”_

Levi wanted to whip his head around, to scream at Hanji, but fuck, he had to focus on what was in front of him. They needed to land on that ship, whether on the dock, or by crash landing. And like hell was he going to miss his chance. “ _Forget about Erwin, the two of them are in a million pieces!”_ Shit. Mother fucking _fuck_.

He was, at least, grateful that they died together. 

He jerked the ship back down, shooting past the others, almost nosing the back of Erwin’s. “ _Jesus, Levi.”_

_“We’re going to get on that ship. Forget about the plan, we’re just waiting to die out here.”_

_“Roger that. Let’s do it.”_

“ _Aim for the bottom, it may disrupt the oxygen flow, but I’m sure it’s sealed separately from the top.”_

_“Will it sustain that much of a hit?”_

_“Who cares?”_

Hanji cracked their shoulders, then their neck. “ _Alright, Levi, let’s go._ ”

~~

Erwin saw the ship explode, mixing Mike and Nanaba’s ashes with fire and debris. The explosion rocked their own vehicle, but he snapped his head around, and didn’t say a word. 

“I’m sorry, Erwin,” Nile said through the radio, but he didn’t look back at the man. They focused on the scene in front of him, lasers and God knows what else whipping by them. 

“They won’t die in vain.” It wasn’t a promise, it was a threat. He sat, stone cold, in the pilot’s seat, and gripped the control panel until his knuckles turned white.

Levi’s ship shooting past them stopped him from going on. He followed behind, pumping more and more fuel into the engine until they were back to back.

“Erwin, what the hell are you doing?”

“They’re going to get into the ship, and so are we.”

“That’s not part of the plan!”

“The plan’s useless without those two anyway, we have to back them up.”

“Erwin!”

The blond hits their communication system, and says slowly, clearly. “Mikasa, follow Levi’s path, no deviations, keep up to speed.”

“So the plan’s changed. Got it.” 

He knew Nile’s face was turning red, that he was panicking. This wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was for them to end up safe, with the rest of the army crawling at their feet. The plan was for them to return, and for Levi to perish.

Simply put, Erwin would not let that happen. “ _Erwin_ , this is unacceptable.”

“We need to be willing to take risks.”

“I am _not_ throwing my wife’s life around?”

“And we should be expected to do so to save your asses?”

“You love Marie!”

“But that’s not enough to sacrifice a war over.”

“But Levi’s going to—“

“Levi will follow his orders, and I will not hesitate to keep him on the front lines.”

Nile looked him in the eyes, and he didn’t see a man. He saw rage, determination, fear. This was a being not to be trifled with, not to go against.

He swallowed, and set the controls to speed behind Levi and Mikasa, praying that he’d still have his head on his shoulders by the time this was over.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank anyone who's read this story/any of my other writing, and thank you for sticking with this thing even though I haven't updated it in almost three months :'D It means so much to me, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite how scattered it seemed to me, and the ones to follow.


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